Chrissy Teigen has opened up about her anguish on the week her "little Jack" was due to be born.
The former-model has reflected on her loss in a new string of tweets...
And the sheer honesty of her words has touched the hearts of many.
Here's the full story...
Now, we all know that Chrissy and her husband, John Legend, have had a tough couple of months.
In October last year, the couple took to social media to reveal that they had lost their third unborn child.
Chrissy and John had already settled on a name for their little boy...
via: Instagram"We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever," Chrissy wrote on social media.
"To our Jack - I'm so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn't give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you."
"Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts, and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you."
Chrissy took a brief social media break following the stillbirth...
But, a few weeks later, she returned to share an essay she wrote for Medium that detailed further her harrowing experience.
In the deeply personal piece simply titled "Hi," the star started off by explaining that she didn't know when she would be ready to address her son's death.
Chrissy spoke about the day she lost Jack.
"One of the standout moments from that morning (or evening? I have no idea) was me going through the halls of labor and delivery, and John saying “What, is there a f**king party going on here??" Here we were, just wheeled down to a new floor, me covered in a thin blanket to hide, knowing I was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later. "People cheered and laughed right outside our door, understandably for a new life born and celebrated. You kind of wonder how anyone is thinking about anyone but you."
The star explained that she was admitted to hospital after persistent bleeding and multiple blood transfusions, and diagnosed with partial placenta abruption.
Chrissy then described the heartwrenching moment she was told it was time to say goodbye.
via: Getty"After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. "He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all."
"Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning."
"I cried a little at first, then went into full-blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness."
"After hours, I was able to relax, and decided I wanted to wait until I really, really knew it was over."
"I stupidly compared it to dogs I had “put down" in the past — how I never wanted to let go until we absolutely knew it was time, that they were suffering far too much. I texted this to my doctor and she said 'absolutely.' "Later that night, I went to the bathroom, looked down into the toilet (I had been doing this for months), and broke down again. The sheer amount of blood and clots showed me exactly what I had been waiting for. It was time."
"I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience."
via: Getty"I had always laughed about how much I loved epidurals…not so much this one. I laid there for hours, waiting to be told it was time to push. I obviously never had to dilate much, he was still a tiny little guy. "I had been laying on my side, switching sides every hour or so, whenever the nurse told me to. I remember laying on my right side, looking opposite of John, when I was told to make my switch. I opened my legs and started to turn to face John and just like that, he was on his way out. The doctors yelled for a bit and…I don’t know what to say, even now. He was out."
Adjusting to life after loss has been difficult...
And Chrissy has been candid about the fact that she has been going to therapy since the death of her son.
But despite her struggles...
via: InstagramShe still managed to crack a joke by saying, "So it’s like a post-therapy face filter."
Chrissy and her family are getting through it day by day...
And it's clear that they're slowly starting to repair the cracks from such a traumatic event.
However, the trauma is still very much present...
And this week, the family are going to need one another more than ever.
In a series of tweets posted online, the star shared that she was feeling "a bit off" as this week would have been Jack's birth week...
Before revealing that she still feels kicks in her belly which she pretends is Jack "saying hi."
Her tweets read, "my little jack would have been born this week so I'm a bit off."
my little jack would have been born this week so I'm a bit off. I truly feel kicks in my belly, but it's not phantom. I have surgery for endometriosis tomorrow...but the period feeling this month is exactly like baby kicks. sigh.— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 3, 2021
"I truly feel kicks in my belly, but it's not phantom. I have surgery for endometriosis tomorrow...but the period feeling this month is exactly like baby kicks. sigh."
In her following tweet showing her stomach moving she wrote, "I'll pretend it's him saying hi - it never stops."
look at this 😩 I’ll pretend it’s him saying hi - it never stops. pic.twitter.com/5FKSE3g8cG— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 3, 2021
For more on Chrissy Teigen, scroll on to find out how her journey to sobriety is going...