Chrissy Teigen recently opened up about the aftermath of losing her son, Jack, and her transparency has comforted moms everywhere...
This comes after the social media star started going to therapy more regularly.
It has now been 3 months since Teigen released those heartbreaking photos of her son, Jack's stillbirth.
She and her husband John Legend were initially silent on social media while they grieved...
But her most recent post saw her in her most vulnerable form...
Now, of course, when she announced the pair had lost their third child, it was utterly heartwrenching to read.
via: InstagramChrissy and John had already settled on a name for their little boy. "We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever."
Chrissy apologized to her son...
via: Instagram"To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts, and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you."
Chrissy then acknowledged the things that she and John are grateful for...
And, just a few weeks after she shared the heartbreaking photos from her stillbirth...Medium.
In the deeply personal piece simply titled "Hi," the star starts off by explaining that she didn't know when she would be ready to address her son's death.
"Instead, I’m writing from the downstairs couch, still cozied up in a blanket but buzzing from a morning of friends and fried chicken."
She took some time to thank fans for their support...
She admitted to being in no state to reply to kind messages...
She then moved onto talking about the day she lost Jack...
Chrissy explained that she was admitted to hospital after persistent bleeding and multiple blood transfusions, and diagnosed with partial placenta abruption.
"I could have spent these days at the hospital, but not much of a difference would have been made. I was still seen by doctors at home, silently twisting their negative words into positives, thinking that everything might still turn out okay."
She also explained why she took those heartbreaking photos.
"I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos."
Chrissy then described the heartwrenching moment she was told it was time to say goodbye.
"Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning."
"After hours, I was able to relax, and decided I wanted to wait until I really, really knew it was over."
"I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience."
via: Getty"I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience. I had always laughed about how much I loved epidurals…not so much this one. I laid there for hours, waiting to be told it was time to push. I obviously never had to dilate much, he was still a tiny little guy. "I had been laying on my side, switching sides every hour or so, whenever the nurse told me to. I remember laying on my right side, looking opposite of John, when I was told to make my switch. I opened my legs and started to turn to face John and just like that, he was on his way out. The doctors yelled for a bit and…I don’t know what to say, even now. He was out."
"My mom, John, and I each held him and said our own private goodbyes, mom sobbing through Thai prayer."
via: Getty"I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again. I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour."
"I dunno how long he had been waiting to be delivered for. That will probably always haunt me."
via: Getty"Just writing it makes my nose and eyes tingle with tears. All I know now is his ashes are in a small box, waiting to be put into the soil of a tree in our new home, the one we got with his room in mind."
"People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full."
"I also cry when I get mad at myself for being too happy."
In honor of Jack, Chrissy and her family have decided to do some special things for him.
But not every day has been easy.
She shared a short but emotional clip of herself after a breakdown at a recent session...
via: InstagramHer eyes were puffy, she had tears streaming down her face and there were "boogers," as she described, in her nose. But even in her lowest times, she is still a hilarious mom, saying that the look was just a "post-therapy face filter."
We absolutely adore her for keeping it 100% real with us.
via: InstagramWhich is why her latest picture is such a big deal for moms everywhere...