Famous parents are just like regular parents. They are constantly vacillating between being fascinated and impressed by their kids, being stressed out and tired, and trying to embarrass the heck out of their children. It is hard to be a parent, even when you are famous late-night host Conan O'Brien.
Conan is known for his sort of curmudgeonly persona, one that he brings to Twitter and to discussions of his kids. He's the parent of two teenagers, which cannot be easy. I remember what I was like when I was a teenager, and the description that comes to mind is "Nightmare. Hellish nightmare person with no redeeming qualities whatsoever."
Conan does what a lot of parents do these days. He airs his frustrations and the hilarious moments of parenting on Twitter. Here are some of the best "tips" (a.k.a. things not to do) from one famous parent to the rest of us.
Conan is one cool dad.But if I know teenagers, his kids probably don't feel that way. Good thing he's getting back at them by tweeting all about parenting.
My son asked me where babies come from, and to distract him I said "some day we're all going to die."— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1305487817.0
My son asked if I’d take him to see Sherlock Gnomes and I told him, “Gnome thanks.” I’ve been waiting for a high-five for three days now.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1522691115.0
Is it wrong to scream “You got pwned” in your son’s face after beating him at Hungry Hungry Hippos?— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1296351383.0
“Goodness gracious, that is painful!” is what I should have yelled when I stubbed my toe in front of my kids.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1349029941.0
Simple way to get my kids to brush their teeth and do their homework: if they don't, they have to be a guest on my podcast.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1543521918.0
Every generation just wants their kids to have a better “Spiderman” reboot than they did.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1460739329.0
Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1430604387.0
Just before I left, my daughter said “Dad, don’t embarrass me in Japan.” #ConanJapan https://t.co/YhZhy5jgV5— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1535972599.0
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1315152357.0
Avocado toastI don't remember when avocado toast only cost $7. I must have been a wee little baby back then.
BudAw. It's America's beer. And now it's Conan's kids' beer.
I’m going to be like my dad and show up to every one of my son’s Little League games, but without all the betting.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1370203922.0
My son just came home from robotics camp. At least, I think that's him.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1532889607.0
Block the son
My son asked me why I was wearing sunglasses in the house and I told him "to block the son.” Now I have to pay for therapy.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1526066708.0
I thought it would be funny to stuff my kids’ Christmas stockings with actual stockings. I’ve never heard crying like that.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1293314060.0
My two favorite things about Easter morning are (1) hiding the eggs and (2) the looks on my kids' faces when the snakes start to hatch.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1492363508.0
A guy cut me off in traffic, and I called him a stupid f***. My kids asked what that meant, and I told them it means he can’t f***ing drive.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1302210430.0
Binge-watchIt's the greatest show in the universe! Except for maybe The Fall. And Killing Eve. And Parks and Recreation.
Every father wants to hear those precious words: "Daddy, I won the lottery."— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1531423508.0
The Gerald Ford Presidential Museum is closed due to the shutdown. Where’s my daughter supposed to celebrate her 10th birthday now?— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1381266115.0
My son’s back-to-school backpack has a “burner phone your parents don’t know about” pocket.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1534451112.0
I'm sorry that Victoria's Secret is closing many of its stores, but excited that I can go to a mall again with my kids.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1551551105.0
My daughter asked me not to come drunk to her school play. Too bad, I really wanted to see it.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1297816516.0
All I want for Father's Day is for my kids to stop calling me "Not-Dwayne-Johnson."— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1529261407.0
My son pranked me early this morning with the old “sledgehammer to the back of the head.”— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1522616706.0
My son asked me what happens when you die, and I said, “I’m watching Chopped, just google it.”— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1394157822.0
Having an authentic Thanksgiving celebration this year. I’m giving my family smallpox.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1542925506.0
I just booked our summer vacation to Japan. My kids can’t wait to go whaling.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1546985712.0
With the kids off at camp, my wife and I finally have some precious time to check Facebook in separate rooms.— Conan O'Brien (@Conan O'Brien)1530817291.0