Legitimately Shocking Confessions From People Who Have Done Bad Things

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They say that confession is good for the soul, and that’s never been more true than on the internet. Here on the world wide web, you can not only get your greatest sins off your chest, but you can do it to complete strangers who had nothing to do with whatever crazy-bad thing you did in the first place. It’s all the absolution and none of the consequences! A true win-win!

Of course, if you want to maintain the attention of these internet strangers, your confession story had better be good. That’s why we’re collecting the most intriguing, shocking, and funny stories from /r/confession, a subreddit where people can go online to divulge their darkest sins (or their sill screw-ups they just haven’t gotten around to telling anyone yet).

Check out all of these incredible confession stories and revel in the fact that you’ve almost certainly never screwed up this bad.

I came over to his house one morning to surprise him with breakfast and a video game he wanted, only to find him naked, asleep, and with his ex curled up in his arms. He didn’t hear me come in, so I closed his bedroom door, and left his breakfast and game on the kitchen counter along with my key to his house. I went to my car, deactivated my Facebook, and blocked him on all other forms of social media. I then called my phone provider to change my number before driving off. I texted family members and close friends that we were no longer together and to block him on social media, as well. I didn’t tell them why. I was in a position to end the lease at my apartment early, and I started a new job in a different city later that week. I completely removed myself from him and didn’t offer a shred of explanation or opportunity for dialogue. I disappeared from his life after his betrayal and I think it’ll not only help me to focus on myself without his presence, but I think completely shutting myself off from him will hurt worse than anything when he thinks on how good he had it with me these last five years.throwawayaccountrar

This wasn’t a professional organized competition. There was some BMX event with a couple hundred people and they always have a chili cook off. I’m not much for cooking so I thought it would be funny to throw a bunch of Wendy’s chili in a crock pot and see if anyone noticed. They didn’t.hostilecarrot

My college has a food court in one of the main buildings. Chick Fil A, sandwich place, salad bar, etc. You get your food and pay at the exit. Every single time I’ve eaten lunch there since I was a freshman, I grab a bottle of water with my meal, walk up to pay, and say, “I brought the water in.” The employees aren’t paid enough to care, and I pay enough in tuition to not feel bad about it.presidentbarron

I registered a company, bought all the take-away boxes from Amazon, signed up for a few delivery apps, made a few social media accounts and printed leaflets that I drop in mailboxes. I re-sell microwave meals…On some meals I add something to make them look better, like cheese. So far it’s at around £200 a day in revenue. Nobody suspects a thing, soon someone will come for hygene inspection, but I’ll pass that check without any problems. It’s not illegal to operate out of your own kitchen.pisicka

My little cousins are the biggest sh*ts in the world and my aunt pretty much let’s them do whatever they want without consequence. They were roughhousing and knocked my phone off the counter, shattering the screen. My closest Apple store is about two hours away and it’s a huge inconvenience for me to drive there. So instead of explaining this to her (she’s the kind of person who doesn’t care about things that don’t affect her directly), I told her it was $329 to fix (which is true if I didn’t have apple care). She wrote me a check for $329 and I only had to pay $29 and I pocketed the extra $300. I consider that my non-disclosed inconvenience fee.7eight9ten

I commuted to college for three years where they charged a stupid amount to park daily in a pay-and-display lot. Halfway through the first semester, I did the math which prompted me to look at all of the pay and display tickets and notice what numbers changed and when. I scanned one and photoshopped it to apply to whatever day as needed, printed it out and put it on my dashboard. Never caught, saved thousands. Thieving from thieves is okay.whiskyteats

My wife and I have been married for four years. When we met, she was a tiny little terror. Like the Tasmanian Devil had a baby with Barbie. So freaking adorable and sweet, but she was a tornado. She drank like 6 cups of coffee every single day. If you didn’t know her you would swear she was on drugs. I loved her so much that I knew I could put up with it if I had to, but if I didn’t have to, I would try to find a way. The month before our wedding I decided to try replacing her coffee with decaf for to see if it made a change. And Lord have mercy, it was incredible. It was hell the first two weeks. She had the biggest attitude and was so crabby, but I knew we could make it through it. Afterwards it was the best! She was still sweet, and spunky, and adorable, but she wasn’t leaving a trail of destruction behind her anymore. I decided that from that moment on, I would no longer supply her with regular coffee. I would make every Starbucks run, I would buy regular and decaf ground coffee so I could replace the regular coffee in the package with decaf coffee. The only time she has regular coffee is when she orders it herself, which is like maybe once a week. But it makes her really jittery and she doesn’t understand why.InformalLengthiness

My son threw a snowball at me and I instinctively blocked it with my daughter. The look of betrayal on her snow covered face has haunted my dreams for years.fat_lardo

Back in high school I used to work the concession stand. In my school the booth was a little folding table where I would sell water, pop and chips. To anyone that was a visiting team I would charge $.25-.50 more on the items they wanted to buy, and I would keep it. I ended up making somewhere around $3,000 doing this for my high school career, and no one ever found out because I didn’t charge anyone from the home team the same amount.Nymmash

I know, super first world anarchist.bryankicks

I used to work at this restaurant and the management there was just awful and the GM was very verbally abusive. She would always complain about everything, especially about how there would be one or two customers who would order food and then never show up. She ended up letting the servers and hosts eat the food. So it gave me an idea. One day she said something that really pissed me off, so I called my job and ordered a bunch of food under a different name and then that “customer” would never show up. It made her livid and it gave me the bold idea of doing that whenever I want a lunch. I started to do it an hour or so before my break and I would order whatever I felt like eating that day and when they’d call and cancel I’d ask a supervisor if I could have the food and they’d say sure. I did this for the entire 3 years that I worked there 2 times a week, sometimes even 3greeneggsndpam

This year, both of their female cousins are getting hoverboards from me. One nephew gets a book about sharks and the other gets a basketball.Snoop-C-A-Double-T

She began talking about the Bachelor and I pretended my phone died by hanging up.Ritter97

I felt so bad that I immediately went and bought another with the little money I had. Later I swapped the serial number sticker on the Wiis and put the bricked one back in the box and returned it to the store. The lady at the customer service desk opened it and looked at it very suspiciously. She even checked the serial number on the sticker to see if it matched the box. (Thank god I thought of switching the stickers.) She kept asking why I was returning it. I said I bought it for someones bday party, but he already had one. Eventually she took it and gave me the money back.Shit_Lord_Detective

But it’s actually because I had eight hotdogs today and I feel like I’m going to die.AnUnchartedIsland

I save my sons McDonald’s wrappers and happy meal boxes and then reuse them by serving him microwave chicken nuggets and oven French fries in them. I even throw in ketchup packets and a little toy he’d forgotten he had to help sell the lie. He loves it. And I’m not sorry.pru13

I was only 20 years old and I nannied for this little baby boy. The mom seemed off. She would sleep the entire time I was there in the mornings, or go on three hour runs, or sometimes would just go about her business around the house completely ignoring me. One time we both sat in the living room while the baby was sleeping in his room. I was reading a book and she sat there eating McDonald’s and watching her show. She did not say a word to me the entire time. Well, one day when she was out I snooped around and found her journal. I read the whole thing. Then got sad for her — she was so unhappy in her marriage and in life. I ended up working for her for three years and we became close. But that first year was so uncomfortable and awkward. In retrospect, it seems very obvious that she was suffering from post pregnancy depression.Alphabetasouper

Dad bought himself a metal detector because we’ve been going to the beach quite a lot, and he wanted to see what he could find. One day he set his detector up, walked to the beach and went on his way to bag himself some gnarly trinkets. He’d been doing it for about 20 minutes at this point and nothing came of it but we were nearing the end of that section of beach. He looked more and more disappointed with every step he took, so I walked ahead and discreetly placed £7 worth of coinage in the sand, on his path, but a metre away from each other (so about £2 in each hole kinda thing). He found it and had the cutest, most smug smile ever and was screeching with excitement with every find. We eventually got home and he showed the family what he’d found and mum was actually quite surprised. Although dad has a good job and £7 is a laughable amount to him, the pure joy he got from finding SOMETHING, is definitely worth not telling anyone what really happened that day.HonkingAntelope123

I’m usually by myself in the back room where I’m scoring, cooking, and bagging the bread. The oven mitts hang on these hooks next to the oven. When the oven goes off I always slide my arms into the oven mitts like a surgeon does and pretend I’m about to perform surgery when really I’m just pulling freshly baked bread out of the oven.cookienookiebutter

So I didn’t. LmaoHonestlydonewlife

Whenever anyone lets me borrow a key, usually to their house in order to pet-sit, the first thing I do is go to Walmart and make a copy of that key for personal use after they ask for it back. I never break into houses and steal anything, other than food or maybe alcohol, but I love the feeling of being able to effortlessly enter a place I know I don’t belong without anyone’s knowledge.ujrj

Whenever two meals were ordered, I’d put two lollies in one of the meals, and only one in the other, just to imagine the issues it would cause between the two kids.LittleJohnStone

My 6th grade son had a school assignment last semester to write a poem. He was struggling as he’s not the least bit interested. Since I was a child I had always wanted to be a writer. I spent 5mins and wrote a quick (dumb to me) poem for him to turn in. Unbeknownst to me, his teacher submitted it to a poetry contest which he won, and it’s now going to be published in the middle school’s anthology.megatronrex

So back when I was 10, my dad asked me if I wanted to make 20$. I accepted. The catch was I had to sh*t on our neighbor’s door-step. It was clear my dad had beef with this woman. She woke in the morning and tried to blame our Chihuahua. My dad yelled at her saying that the sh*t was bigger than our dog. Impossible. The point is I don’t feel bad. Forever daddy’s girl.Sharleena88

I realized that if raised the mower to the highest level, it cut less grass and allowed me to mow twice as much. I was mowing three times a week at one point and my dad just thought he had an overly fertile lawn.paramedicated

Years ago I made a new email address and got two potential buyers for a Playstation that I was pretending to sell. I confirmed a date and time with both of them. Decided on the mall near a certain store. I asked what they’d be wearing so I could find them. I gave them each other’s description for myself, and then went and hung out. One walked up to the other. You could tell there was an immediate confusion. They started arguing over who had what. You could see them get pissed once they realized what happened and wasted their time. They both stormed off on their phones. Sure enough, I got angry emails from both of them lol I feel kind of bad about it, but it was a funny interaction to witness.scarfacesaints

I work as a cashier at a grocery store. Whenever a middle-aged woman, who clearly looks older than 21, purchases alcohol from me, I intentionally ask them to show me their ID. I do this because somewhere deep down I feel that, if I ask them for their ID it creates an impression that they look far younger than they are. I do this every chance I get, regardless of how busy the line is, in hopes of making them feel younger and possibly happier.Beta-minus23

I called the restaurant my boss was supposed to have her birthday party at and canceled it because she let me go without any notice. I was an employee at this company for 10 years and brought in a ton of business for this woman. Never had one smudge or blemish on my record. F*ck you, Cathy, I hope your birthday was miserable!TheIceQueenCometh

So once I stopped growing I was at a happy 6 foot even, but that wasn’t enough for me, I needed more. I would tell everyone I was 5’10”. I noticed there was a large population of guys who claimed to be 6 foot but were just under the mark, so to really drive the point home. I’d argue that I’m under 6 foot and since they’re shorter than me, they can’t be 6 feet tall. Watching the panic in their eyes as they tried to defend their height was the highlight of my high school experience.Taran_it_up

We were at a gymnastics camp when we were teenagers and there was a swinging door that I had wanted to bust open with a sweet karate kick all week long. The only thing stopping me was that I was afraid there was going to be someone on the other side and I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Well, the last day comes around and I said “f*ck it” and kicked that door as hard as I could. My friend and teammate was on the other side and the door caught on her big toe, pulling it back and breaking it so badly she couldn’t compete for almost a year. She missed regionals and ended up quitting gymnastics. She just assumed I had pushed the door open like a normal person but nope. I karate kicked that b*tch. I still feel bad about it and it was about 15 years ago. Sorry girl.jocotenango