The 35 All-Time Creepiest Things Kids Have Ever Said | 22 Words

Let’s face it, kids say some really freaky stuff—whether or not they know what they’re saying. The parents of Reddit have amassed a collection of the weirdest, scariest, and most random things their kids have ever said, and the results are both hilarious and terrifying.

From alektorophobia (fear of chickens) to apparent brushes with the supernatural, here are 35 creepy stories straight out of the mouths of babes.

Let's start off with this ominous comment:

I was tucking in my two year old. He said "Good-bye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said "I know. But this time its good bye." -UnfortunateBirthMark The real mystery here: goodbye for whom?

Not to me, but to his grandmother. He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she's very old, and will die soon. Then he makes a point of looking at the clock. -NotTomPettysGirl This kid is such a Debbie Downer.

What exactly is a 'snake neck'?

While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, "the man." To which I replied, "what man?" She then pointed at the closet and said, "the man with the snake neck." I turn around and nothing was there. I'm afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn't scared. - QuagmireDP The lack of fear has to count for something, right?

When you’re no longer the only child and VERY salty about it:

My 3-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, "Daddy, it’s a monster…we should bury it." -Like_I_was_sayin I wonder if a sibling rivalry ever developed?

My five year old son asked me last week "what do you see through the black circles in my eyes when you're controlling me when I'm at school?" -jelb32 His imagination has him living in a Matrix - Sims alternate reality!

Sans-context, these are stories straight out of a horror movie.

I was sound asleep, and at around 6 AM I was woken up by my 4 year old daughter’s face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off." The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep-addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on. -psalm_69

My niece was sitting on the couch with a weird look on her face. Her mom asked her what she was thinking about, and she said, "I'm imagining the waves of blood rushing over me." Turned out they had been at a local science museum with an exhibit on the circulatory system. One of the features was a walk among some giant fake blood vessels, and she was remembering that. -hrhomer That it a truly horrifying mental image.

I don't have kids, but once, visiting some friends on a farm, my buddy's youngest girl (5 or 6) at the time, was afraid of the chickens. I tried to explain to her that the chickens weren't there to hurt us but she wasn't having it. So I'm sitting around the fire pit, looking at one of the chickens a few feet in front of me when I feel hot breath in my ear as she whispers: "See. He's always watching." Horrific and hysterical all at once. -jonuggs Beware the gaze of the chicken!

NOPE.

My co-worker's four year old daughter always thought that the rattling of the water pipes in the kitchen cupboards were "white wolves" and the sound always scared her. One day she was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, "Mom. The white wolves aren't bad... they're our friends!" Her mom encouraged the idea by saying, "Yes! The white wolves are protecting us. They are our friends." Then her daughter added in, "They're our friends, but not the man who crawls on the floor and stands by my bed." -darinfjc How many creepy things is this child aware of?!

When I was about 3 we had a cat that had still born kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them I asked: “Aren't those too small?" Dad: "What do you mean?" Me: "aren't we going to nail them to them?" Dad: (after several moments silence) "we're not going to do that" Me: "oh" -Tom_Zarek

Please tell us this person just slowly backed away:

When I was a waitress, I watched a little girl (4ish) stab her plastic fork into her sandwich repeatedly, saying "die die die die die die". When I asked her what she was doing (her mom was in the bathroom for a minute), she replied with a straight face, "I like to kill things, but mom says I shouldn't. So I picked the ham because it can't scream." -RatedRx What an interesting form of impulse control.

My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say 'hi' to things. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi" One day, it came out sounding more like "Die die die die die" So I say to her "What's that you're saying?" And she turns to face me and just whispers "Diiiieeeeeee......." -PookiePi

"My brain is telling me to do things I don't want to do." He's 4. -bortson

These kids want you to know: not everything is what it seems.

When my son was little, maybe 3, he used to do this weird crawl where he would slide his forehead along the floor. Then one night he crawled across the hallway into my room like that and stood up a few inches from my face and made a weird meow sound. He got into bed with me and went to sleep…Possibly the creepiest thing he did was one day I scolded him for misbehaving so he hid his head under his blanket. I pretended I couldn't find him by saying "Where is my little Carson?" He slowly lowered the blanket and with a dead evil stare said, "Carson is gone, I am Rick." We never knew any Ricks, as far I can remember. Still don't. Never figured out where he picked up the name. -seethella …someone please call The Exorcist.

My mom has told me a story about my brother when he was younger. I guess he was sleepwalking and she was trying to coax him back to bed and he said something along the lines of "I would but the devil is behind you." Yeah, no. -hsertich

My noticeably pregnant sister and I were having a conversation at the dining room table. My 4 year old son was also present and asked my sister if there was a baby in her belly. She affirmed. He, completely straight faced, slid from his chair and headed for the kitchen saying "We need to get it out. I'll go get the knife. " I don't even know... -reddit anon Had this kid been watching too many Chucky movies?

A few creepy kid-sayings involve aliens, because of course they do.

My mom likes to tell this story: Apparently when I was 5 or 6 I told her that aliens had stolen her real son, and replaced him with me, an exact copy. Someday, I would return to my home planet. But she shouldn't be sad, because her real son had a good life in our zoo. -bladel Aliens? Game over, man!

Speaking of possession—can cats do it too?

“Mom, can I have your phone to take a picture of the birds in the yard?" "Sure" "I want to go squish those birds and kill them and hang them on our wall" "Ethan!" "No mom, it's ok. It's just for decorating the house" -Ethaxi This kid definitely has the soul of a cat inside him.

Mr. Peterson the friendly ghost?

When I was about 4, I would remember talking to "Mr. Peterson" whenever I was at my grandmothers house. He looked like a hobo from the great depression and had a guitar and sang me old-timey blues, he told me that he died when he fell of a train he was riding whist drunk on moonshine. I stopped seeing him when I was about 6. Anyway, 6 months ago I found my dad’s old acoustic guitar and started playing, and my little cousin told me "Mr. Peterson is proud of you!" And left. I don’t know what to think. -reddit anon

That’s one way to express love, I guess…

5 year old: "Mommy, when you die I want to put you in a glass jar so I can keep you and see you forever." To which the 6 year old responds: "That's stupid. Where are you gonna find a jar that big?" -pipperfloats Unless the 5-year-old plans to become an actual mad scientist, then logically speaking, the 6-year-old isn’t wrong.

"Before I was born here, I had a sister, right? Her and my other Mom are so old now. They were ok when the car was on fire, but I sure wasn't!" He was maybe 5 or 6 years old? It was totally out of the blue.. -surethingsugar Is it that circle of life we’ve been hearing about?

My older sister was born the year my Dad's mom died. According to my dad, as soon as my sister was old enough to say the words, she said "I am your mother." -benedictishii Anyone else hear that in Darth Vader’s voice?

Not my child...but, my 3 yo niece told my wife to dance in the middle of the room while she hid in a closet watching through the crack in the door. ಠ_ಠ -Chester_A_Arthritis Maybe…the child wanted to live vicariously through her aunt? Fine, no, it’s just creepy.

This kid’s insult game is on a whole other level.

I heard a five year-old literally refer to her mother as a "glassy-eyed, slack-jawed troglodyte!" during a tantrum in a doctor's waiting room once. -bigsol81 Okay, this is impressive. That’s a sick burn for an adult, never mind a child!

Run away, puppy!

We got my little sister a puppy over Christmas break. We waited till she was asleep, then went to pick up the puppy. So, the next day she woke up, and when she saw the dog, instead of going all googly-eyed and happy, she said, "my baby! It's not time for you yet!" And tried to pick up the dog and shove it in her mouth. -clothesallowence What’s even happening here?

I babysit my little cousins all the time. The 4 year old was in the sandbox stirring up some stuff in a bucket. I ask her, "What are you making, Mya?" She looks at me with a straight face and says, "Unicorn blood." and then goes back to stirring. I just kept thinking...I'm babysitting Voldemort. -ijennings21 Looks like someone remembers Hagrid’s lesson on the useful properties of unicorn blood!

The one thing every parent dreads hearing:

My daughter told me she wanted to live with me and my wife forever. She's 17. -I-AM-NOT-JESUS Truly, the creepiest thing on this list.

When my oldest was about 3 years old I had a really weird dream where an alien was trying to take my son. I was lying in bed watching this alien take him by the hand and started taking off towards the window. When I went to scream I woke up. Here is the creepy part....I wake up to find my 3 year old turning on the night light in our room. He turns to look at me and says "oh, its ok mommy. The alien is gone." .....I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. -acefamilia A shared alien abduction experience?

My 3-year-old son generally has a happy-go-lucky attitude, so this is pretty odd. Sometimes when he's cuddling with his mommy, he'll say, very seriously, "Mom, I promise I won't ever chew on your bones. I promise." Absolutely no idea where he got this. -Lord_of_hosts Not exactly the kind of thing a parent likes to hear from their kid, but I guess it’s still reassuring in its own way?

One kid is both creepy and, apparently, a paranormal comedy fan.

My daughter likes to come into our bedroom and wake me up by wispering into my ear, "There is no Aida, only Zuul" in this really creepy voice. -ShutUpLori Nothing wrong with liking the Ghostbusters! …Right?

My cousin was thrown out of a preschool for taking off his shoe and telling a nun: "Shut up or I'll take out your eye with my shoe 'cause I'm the son of the devil." Apparently that was the last straw. -pelayobesa That is a disturbingly metal proclamation.

Follow your dreams?

I asked my 3 kids what they wanted to do when they grew up. 10-year-old Jason said, "I want to be a teacher." 8-year-old Mitzi said, "I want to be a writer." 6-year-old Nick said, "I want to run the machine that cuts the heads off the chickens." All-righty then. -reddit anon The kid certainly has ambitions!

While having a fire in the back yard my baby cousin lit a branch on fire and stared at it for a few minutes while muttering "burn.....burn....BURN!" Eventually as more of the stick caught fire he started laughing manically and yelling in a deep demonic voice, "BUUURRRNNNNINNNGGGG BUURRRNNNINGGGG BUUURRRNNN!!!!" It was terrifying. -Kukuroo Yeah, this child’s excess of appreciation for fire might need to be addressed.

These kids had a sixth sense.

Yesterday my 3yo son told me "today's [sister's] birthday!" I went into labor last night. -Pinklette I know they say kids and animals are more sensitive to the world, but that’s actually kind of incredible.

When I was young, like maybe two years old, my grandma was in the hospital, dying of cancer. Obviously i had no idea what was going on, but apparently one day when my mother and aunt were watching me, I suddenly looked at them and said "Only one Grandma" They kept trying to convince me otherwise, that no, I had two grandmas, but I kept repeating that line over and over. Then the phone rang. It was my uncle calling to tell my mother that my grandma had passed a few minutes ago. -kotacub Either a sixth sense, or they’re hiding a crystal ball somewhere.