Let’s face it, kids say some really freaky stuff—whether or not they know what they’re saying. The parents of Reddit have amassed a collection of the weirdest, scariest, and most random things their kids have ever said, and the results are both hilarious and terrifying.
From alektorophobia (fear of chickens) to apparent brushes with the supernatural, here are 35 creepy stories straight out of the mouths of babes.
Let's start off with this ominous comment:I was tucking in my two year old. He said "Good-bye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said "I know. But this time its good bye." -UnfortunateBirthMark The real mystery here: goodbye for whom?
What exactly is a 'snake neck'?While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, "the man." To which I replied, "what man?" She then pointed at the closet and said, "the man with the snake neck." I turn around and nothing was there. I'm afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn't scared. - QuagmireDP The lack of fear has to count for something, right?
When you’re no longer the only child and VERY salty about it:My 3-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, "Daddy, it’s a monster…we should bury it." -Like_I_was_sayin I wonder if a sibling rivalry ever developed?
Sans-context, these are stories straight out of a horror movie.
I was sound asleep, and at around 6 AM I was woken up by my 4 year old daughter’s face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off." The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep-addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on. -psalm_69
NOPE.My co-worker's four year old daughter always thought that the rattling of the water pipes in the kitchen cupboards were "white wolves" and the sound always scared her. One day she was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, "Mom. The white wolves aren't bad... they're our friends!" Her mom encouraged the idea by saying, "Yes! The white wolves are protecting us. They are our friends." Then her daughter added in, "They're our friends, but not the man who crawls on the floor and stands by my bed." -darinfjc How many creepy things is this child aware of?!
Please tell us this person just slowly backed away:When I was a waitress, I watched a little girl (4ish) stab her plastic fork into her sandwich repeatedly, saying "die die die die die die". When I asked her what she was doing (her mom was in the bathroom for a minute), she replied with a straight face, "I like to kill things, but mom says I shouldn't. So I picked the ham because it can't scream." -RatedRx What an interesting form of impulse control.
These kids want you to know: not everything is what it seems.When my son was little, maybe 3, he used to do this weird crawl where he would slide his forehead along the floor. Then one night he crawled across the hallway into my room like that and stood up a few inches from my face and made a weird meow sound. He got into bed with me and went to sleep…Possibly the creepiest thing he did was one day I scolded him for misbehaving so he hid his head under his blanket. I pretended I couldn't find him by saying "Where is my little Carson?" He slowly lowered the blanket and with a dead evil stare said, "Carson is gone, I am Rick." We never knew any Ricks, as far I can remember. Still don't. Never figured out where he picked up the name. -seethella …someone please call The Exorcist.
A few creepy kid-sayings involve aliens, because of course they do.My mom likes to tell this story: Apparently when I was 5 or 6 I told her that aliens had stolen her real son, and replaced him with me, an exact copy. Someday, I would return to my home planet. But she shouldn't be sad, because her real son had a good life in our zoo. -bladel Aliens? Game over, man!
Speaking of possession—can cats do it too?“Mom, can I have your phone to take a picture of the birds in the yard?" "Sure" "I want to go squish those birds and kill them and hang them on our wall" "Ethan!" "No mom, it's ok. It's just for decorating the house" -Ethaxi This kid definitely has the soul of a cat inside him.
Mr. Peterson the friendly ghost?When I was about 4, I would remember talking to "Mr. Peterson" whenever I was at my grandmothers house. He looked like a hobo from the great depression and had a guitar and sang me old-timey blues, he told me that he died when he fell of a train he was riding whist drunk on moonshine. I stopped seeing him when I was about 6. Anyway, 6 months ago I found my dad’s old acoustic guitar and started playing, and my little cousin told me "Mr. Peterson is proud of you!" And left. I don’t know what to think. -reddit anon
That’s one way to express love, I guess…5 year old: "Mommy, when you die I want to put you in a glass jar so I can keep you and see you forever." To which the 6 year old responds: "That's stupid. Where are you gonna find a jar that big?" -pipperfloats Unless the 5-year-old plans to become an actual mad scientist, then logically speaking, the 6-year-old isn’t wrong.
This kid’s insult game is on a whole other level.I heard a five year-old literally refer to her mother as a "glassy-eyed, slack-jawed troglodyte!" during a tantrum in a doctor's waiting room once. -bigsol81 Okay, this is impressive. That’s a sick burn for an adult, never mind a child!
Run away, puppy!We got my little sister a puppy over Christmas break. We waited till she was asleep, then went to pick up the puppy. So, the next day she woke up, and when she saw the dog, instead of going all googly-eyed and happy, she said, "my baby! It's not time for you yet!" And tried to pick up the dog and shove it in her mouth. -clothesallowence What’s even happening here?
The one thing every parent dreads hearing:My daughter told me she wanted to live with me and my wife forever. She's 17. -I-AM-NOT-JESUS Truly, the creepiest thing on this list.
One kid is both creepy and, apparently, a paranormal comedy fan.My daughter likes to come into our bedroom and wake me up by wispering into my ear, "There is no Aida, only Zuul" in this really creepy voice. -ShutUpLori Nothing wrong with liking the Ghostbusters! …Right?
My cousin was thrown out of a preschool for taking off his shoe and telling a nun: "Shut up or I'll take out your eye with my shoe 'cause I'm the son of the devil." Apparently that was the last straw. -pelayobesa That is a disturbingly metal proclamation.