Disabled Woman Goes Viral for Calling Out Able-Bodied Husband Who Hasn’t Learned How to do Laundry

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A woman with multiple disabilities has been praised online for calling out her husband’s “weaponized incompetence.”

Thirty-one-year-old Bonnie has shared that she “was born with several genetic disorders,” that led her to become a disability advocate.

She continued: “Some of the signs and symptoms of those disorders did not present until around age 10, and some of them didn’t become severely disabling until my late teens and early 20s. I live with a connective tissue disorder, multiple neurological conditions, a brain injury, and many other comorbidities that relate to those conditions.”

“My disabilities affect every system of my body and every facet of my life, but I do not define myself solely by them.”

Now, Bonnie is married and recently shared an infuriating TikTok showing her husband’s “inability” to do laundry correctly.

The video, understandably, went viral, with over 600k people outraged over the “grown man’s” childish behaviour…

In the video, Bonnie explains that “for the millionth time,” she’s had to break down how to do the laundry step by step for her thirty-three-year-old husband, but that he still “totally bungles it” and says he just can’t do it. “Mind you, he can do it,” Bonnie says.

She also explained that years ago she suggested putting up a whiteboard with instructions of how to do the laundry, only for him to oppose the idea.

However, after their marriage counselor suggested it was a good idea, he seemed up for it. Although Bonnie still had to tell him word for word what to write, despite already telling him how to do the laundry multiple times.

He sounds more like her child than her husband.

She ended the TikTok video asking…

“Do I have a right to be annoyed and angry that it took him this long to do it, and then as soon as someone else suggests it, he falls all over himself and does it, and then wants a cookie for doing it?”

Her question led to thousands of comments from other TikTok users validating her annoyance, telling Bonnie she has every right to be frustrated…

  via TikTok  

Some even suggested she should get a divorce.

One commenter wrote: “He didn’t do it so you would do it. He knows you’re at the end of your tether so now he does it.”

“Are you even attracted to him anymore? Because I wouldn’t be.” Another added.

A third shared: “Has your counselor suggested divorce yet?”

Some even called him out over “weaponized incompetence,” the act of purposfully doing something wrong to get out of doing it again.

  via TikTok  

“Excuse me but how was your counselor not calling out the weaponized incompetence. even you having to give him instructions & list out these things.” Another wrote.

With someone else adding: “nta, perfect example of weaponized incompetence.”

Bonnie later told Buzzfeed that “As a disabled partner, I realized that I’d been accepting the bare minimum (and sometimes less than that) due to both internalized and external ableism.

“It’s been a very rough six or seven years medically for me, and my ability levels have changed a lot. Toss in a few brain surgeries, multiple abdominal and spine surgeries, almost dying twice, heaps of stress, and ableist people telling me I was just ‘lucky’ he didn’t leave me when it got bad, and I had the perfect recipe for some pretty hefty ableist guilt.”

She added: “I felt so badly for ‘putting him through’ all of that fear, exhaustion, and stress of watching me suffer, and all the unknowns, that I felt like I had to ‘make up’ for it.”

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“So, I did. I bent over backward trying to make things as easy as possible for my husband. Even in my hardest moments — traveling multiple times for life-saving surgeries — I handled everything. I felt like I needed to compensate for being disabled, to compensate for the stress, to compensate for him not getting to do ‘normal couple’ things. Most couples took vacations; we traveled for surgeries.”

Bonnie then admitted: “It hit me one day just how much I was doing, and it hit me how little he noticed what I was doing. I was killing myself to keep him comfortable, when my comfort had never been considered. So, I started asking for help (something I have GREAT difficulty doing). And when I asked for help, I didn’t get any.”

  via Shutterstock  

“I was met with excuses and ‘I don’t knows’ far too often. I was tired of being the responsible one. I was tired of always being switched ‘on.’ So, mostly out of frustration, but also because I was doubting myself, I shared that video. I was looking for validation, but I was also looking for other partners to commiserate with.”

She now refuses to let her disabilities make her feel like she needs to overcompensate for her partner, and urges others in her situation: “Don’t accept less.”