20 Drunk People Who Should Not Be Trusted With Alcohol

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Being drunk is hard. It’s hard to do normal things like make yourself a sandwich or text your friends when you’ve one too many.

These geniuses tried so hard to be productive while they were sloshed. But as you can imagine, it didn’t go so well for them.

This Reddit user wrote, “My buddy tried to drunkenly cook food at 3 AM last night.” I don’t know what part of cooking includes smashing plates and overturning garbage cans, but it looks like this guy had a ball.

“Came back home really drunk last night. This morning I went to make breakfast and then this happened…” Aw, this drunk person made sure his shoes were nice and chilly in the morning. How thoughtful!

“Accidentally bought my toad 100 top hats instead of one while I was drunk online shopping…” this Redditor wrote. The weird thing isn’t the 100 top hats. It’s that you decided to buy a top hat for your toad in the first place!

Listen, at least this drunk person is keeping their friend updated throughout the night. That’s better than radio silence, even if they are texting the person who literally just dropped them off to tell them they got home safely.

“Told my fiancée I didn’t get that drunk last night. She showed me this picture in the morning. Apparently, I was getting frustrated with our dog because he wouldn’t answer the banana phone.” I think this one speaks for itself.

This is why we don’t text while drunk, people! Because when you’re drunk, you start typing out song lyrics, except they’re riddled with spelling errors.

“Hello? Is this Jenna? Why is the phone so cold and slimy? “…and why does is smell of the sea?”

What do you even do when you discover that you have drunkenly purchased a real, live, giant prehistoric bird? This is a mistake of Hangover-level proportions.

Some people, when drunk, end up being super productive and have talents that they wouldn’t normally have when sober. This is a legit great photo shoot that she doesn’t remember doing at all. Incredible.

Speaking of drunk talent, this person wrote, “So I came home drunk last night and decided to draw simba, still pretty good, no?” I’ll say! I couldn’t draw Simba that well drunk or sober.

It takes a special kind of drunk person to be willing to drink subway wine that was found rolling on the floor. But hey, at least they’re having a nice friendship moment before contracting all the rat diseases.

The most hilarious thing about this photo isn’t that she didn’t notice that there was a fight happening right behind her. It’s that she thought it was going to be a great photo to put her hand on her chin, close her eyes, and take a blurry selfie.

Sometimes, drunk people have very specific habits. You might absolutely need to eat a PB&J sandwich, or you might always fall asleep with your clothes on. This guy just happens to edit Missouri’s Wikipedia page to make the state slightly larger. We all have our thing.

It’s so nice when your drunk self is nice to your future hungover self, isn’t it? This is one way to practice self-care.

Here’s the thing: This person might have been drunk when they purchased the tickets, but were they also drunk when they took a cab to the airport, went through security, and got on the plane? Because they didn’t have to get on the plane.

It’s similarly impressive when your sober self thinks ahead to protect your drunk self. This communal phone is a genius idea that all girlfriend groups should adopt.

If only men could be as emotional and supportive of each other when they were sober as when they were drunk. The world would be a different place.

Listen, no matter how drunk someone is, they will never, and I repeat never, let someone insult their dog. I speak about this from experience.

Sure, it would have been nice if this boyfriend did what he was supposed to do to begin with, but the clearly panicky messages on all forms of social media and the ensuing “I’m sorry” gift card is a pretty good consolation prize.

I’ve never been so drunk that I couldn’t handle my pizza. This is truly next-level.