Every State Described by a Single Sarcastic Line from a Bitter Resident

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Do you love your state? Probably. Hopefully, at least.

But do you love everything about your state? Of course not.

So if you took a few moments you could definitely come up with some barbed, perhaps even bitter, description of your home. And that’s exactly how some people recently chose to respond to a European who asked, “Americans, how would you summarize your state in one sentence?”

Here is every state in the union, described perhaps more unhappily than the departments of tourism might appreciate…

Come on, Alabama! That’s just not true. You’re the first state…alphabetically.

The best thing to come out of Alaska is probably salmon? The worst is definitely Sarah Palin, though.

Arizona is the hottest state. Don’t mind me, but I don’t want to live anywhere where I have to check my shoes for scorpions.

Arkansas is also the only state that has a whole other state in its name. Kansas is very different from Arkansas, however.

As someone who’s lived in California for quite some time, I can say with certainty that it has a lot of stuff, but that stuff isn’t necessarily better than other states’ stuff.

I’m surprised this one didn’t have anything to do with weed. Or snowboarding. Or snowboarding while smoking weed.

Honestly why leave home when you have Frank Pepe, the best pizza pie in the whole dang country?

Is it, though? I don’t know anyone from Delaware, and I was pretty sure that was because no one actually lived there.

What about Disney World! They forgot Disney World!

Love that about the south. Also, peaches. They have really good peaches there.

It’s true that everything is really expensive in Hawaii. But that’s OK because it’s worth it.

No, I mean Idaho! Where else would a country get its potatoes?

Do you know what Illinois looks like besides Chicago? Yeah, me neither.

This about sums it up. Parks and Precreation really put Indiana on the map, though.

I always forget about Iowa. Apparently, that’s not such a rare thing.

The best thing about Kansas is when you leave it and you can say, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”

This sounds pretty great to me. Who wants to plan a trip?

New Orleans more than makes up for the rest of Lousiana! Gumbo forever!

Hey, that’s three halves. Math doesn’t work like that, and Maine doesn’t either. To be fair, though, Stephen King is the first thing I associate with Maine.

When I think Maryland, I think, “Next to Washington, D.C.” Just me?

As someone who once lived in Massachusetts, this isn’t exactly true. There’s a third season, and it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

Is this directed at people in Michigan or people who come to Michigan? Either way, I agree.

It doesn’t get much more north or more white than Minnesota. And by white I mean snow and people.

Mississippi has a river! And the most fun state name to spell. Don’t sell yourself short, Mississippi.

Sounds like the weather in Missouri is misserable. Get it?