Things Every Woman Should Do by 35

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When you’re in your 20s, life is all about taking risks, exploring, and having as many unforgettable experiences as possible. Every woman has their whole life ahead of them, and you don’t let the little things get to you.

Cut to your mid-30s, and suddenly, everything’s changed. You start to see piles of dirty dishes pile up, lights being left on, and laundry backed up, and all of a sudden you hear yourself saying things your parents used to say, like “Close the door, you’re letting the cold air out!” or “Turn the lights off! Do I look like I’m made of money?” And no, these phrases aren’t reserved for people with small children. Sometimes you’re forced to talk to your roommates like this, or, if you live alone, yell these things in an empty room with no one to blame but yourself. But there are things you can and every woman should do by 35.

Keep scrolling to see the kinds of things that women in their mid-30s do on a daily basis, and prepare to suddenly feel much less alone.

“Library of sighs” might be my new favorite phrase. And yes, I have my own catalog of sighs, each with its own distinct tone that my husband can immediately recognize.

I relate to this so hard. No, I don’t actually want to go to your event, but I would still like to be included. If I could attend every party via webcam I totally would.

My old magazines include “Knitting for Beginners” and “Canning Monthly”, even though I have yet to successfully knit anything larger than a postage stamp or can a decent pickle.

I say this often, but most of the time I’m talking to myself. I just never learn!

There’s nothing I hate more than a stuffy room. My windows are open year-round, even during the dead of winter. I’m willing to deal with a few snowdrifts if it keeps my house fresh.

Sure, I have severe student loan debt and every inch of my house is covered in dog hair at all times, but it’s fine. Everything’s fine.

Seriously, how does no one know how the “take a number” system works?!

There have been times when I’ve rolled my eyes so hard that it’s hurt. I’m pretty sure that if I don’t become less cynical soon it could really start to take a toll on my health.

Apparently refilling the ice tray is a task on par with solving a Rubik’s cube, since I’m the only when who EVER DOES IT.

As a new Mom, you’d think that things like “brush your teeth” and put pants on” would be no-brainers, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

By 35, you realize that you’re the only person you can completely trust, so why not listen to your own advice?

I’m a pale redhead, so pretty much every time I’ve stepped outdoors during the day not slathered in sunscreen with a horrible mistake.  

My dog is always happy to see me, and there aren’t many people left in this world who I could say the same about at this point in my life.

My house is never cleaner than after an especially heinous fight with my husband. Those countertops get SCRUBBED.

For some reason, this fills me with extreme rage every time it happens. And it happens a LOT.

I say to myself, “Wait, what was I saying?” roughly 10 times per day.  

This one made me literally LOL. I don’t think I realized how often I did this until this very moment.

My son is only two months old, and I’m not looking forward to the days of constant questions that I don’t have answers to. At this point, it’s a lot of crying and pooping, but at least he’s not asking me where babies come from.

Don’t they know that some people WORK for a living and are trying to get some SLEEP?!

When I bought my stainless steel appliances after buying my first house, I talked of nothing else for a solid month. Same thing when I upgraded my washer and dryer. Being an adult makes you boring AF.

My measuring tape has been missing since July of 2014, and I’m convinced that it somehow grew legs and walked out the door on its own.

Until I train the dog to get her own food and water, I will forever ask this question. …wait, can I train the dog to get her own food and water?

I’m pretty sure that your mid-30’s are when the transformation becomes complete. And it’s a horrifying revelation. I basically looked at myself in the mirror one day and did a Home Alone scream when the realization hit me. (Love ya, Mom!)

It really has gotten out of hand. The other day I made this noise after seeing the stack of dirty dishes in the sink and then realized that I was the one who left them there.

Shaving is overrated. Pro tip: Maternity leggings are not only stretchy and comfortable, but they also give you the perfect amount of wiggle room in your midsection. And yes, I do realize that this article has basically turned into “Giving Up on Life in Your Mid-30’s”.

At this point, my two-month-old son could run for president and I’d consider voting for him. Although I’m not sure if he fully grasps the concept of an electoral college. I sure don’t.

I admire this woman’s abilities. Sadly, I think I’m still a few years off of perfecting my own death glare.  

Don’t fret if you do all of the above in a house full of adults. I’ve had roommates that were basically just giant children who smelled worse and had less money in their bank accounts.

Yes, I found another way to fit “Library of Sighs” into this article. I think we should all try to use it daily.

Think 35 is bad? Just wait until you’re 50. I’m hoping to just constantly be wine drunk by that point. What do you find attractive in the opposite sex? Maybe you’re into the Idris Elba type? You can never go wrong with tall, dark, and handsome, right? Or how about a clean-cut kind of guy like Ryan Gosling? Or maybe you’re into long hair and a million-dollar smile (Jason Momoa, anyone)? You would think that those kinds of things would be in the list of the top 10 things that women find attractive in guys, but a recent poll conducted by VT found otherwise. Here are the most unusual things that women find attractive when it comes to men. This might give all of you fellas out there some hope…