In a shocking revelation that has sent tremors through the applesauce-loving community, the FDA has announced that lead contamination in applesauce pouches may have been, and hold onto your lunchboxes here folks, intentional.
Yes… intentional!
But.. let’s dive into some facts and benefits of this delicious purée made of apples.
Applesauce doesn’t get nearly enough credit for its wondrous goods.
It’s like the Clark Kent of foods. Underneath that mild-mannered exterior lies a superfood in disguise, just waiting to rescue you from a multitude of nutritional woes.
Now, we’re not saying applesauce can leap tall buildings in a single bound or stop bullets with its bare hands, but it surely does pack a punch when it comes to health benefits.
First off, let’s talk about digestion. If your stomach were to write a love letter, it would be addressed to applesauce.
Why? Because applesauce is easy on the stomach while still providing the much-needed fiber that keeps everything moving smoothly in the digestive department.
It’s like having your own personal traffic cop directing traffic on the highway to your health.
If you’ve ever experienced the horrors of a traffic jam in your gut, you’ll appreciate anything that keeps things flowing nicely.
Now, let’s talk about how applesauce is basically nature’s dessert.
It’s sweet, it’s delicious and it doesn’t come with a side serving of guilt that most desserts do.
Not only does applesauce satisfy your sweet tooth without sending your blood sugar levels into outer space, it also helps keep your teeth in check.
Unlike its candy counterparts, applesauce doesn’t stick to your teeth and announce a feast for cavity-causing bacteria.
So next time you reach for a cookie or a piece of cake, remember that applesauce is sitting there like an unsung hero, ready to save you from cavities and sugar crashes.
Now, back to this bizarre story.
Some of you may be thinking, “Wait, intentional? As in somebody purposely put lead into my beloved applesauce pouches?”
Well, yes, our dearest applesauce fanatics, that is exactly what the FDA is suggesting, per USA Today.
It seems that someone out there has a bone to pick with the innocent applesauce and its unsuspecting consumers.
You would think that in this day and age, when we’re striving towards making everything organic, natural, and chemical-free, some nefarious character would have the audacity to taint our beloved fruity treat with lead.
The news has left many of us questioning everything we’ve ever known about applesauce.
Some are wondering if maybe Snow White was onto something when she bit into that poisoned apple.
Maybe she was just trying to warn us about the future of applesauce contamination.
Oh, Snow White, too ahead of your time.
While we wait for more details to emerge on this ‘lead’ing controversy (pun intended), many are contemplating whether they’ll ever be able to trust their applesauce again.
Shelves are being cleared of any and all applesauce pouches as families frantically look for safer alternatives.
The bananas are having a field day, finally having their moment in the spotlight as the safer fruit option.
But let’s not lose hope yet, fellow applesauce lovers.
The FDA assures us they are working diligently to get to the bottom of this outrageous act of food tampering.
In the meantime, maybe we can all use this as an opportunity to broaden our fruit horizons.
Ever tried a pear? How about a kiwi?
There’s a whole world of uncontaminated fruit out there waiting to be explored.
So here’s to hoping that our noble FDA can crack down on this villainous act quickly so we can return to a world where the biggest threat posed by our applesauce pouches is an accidental squirt in the eye.
