Were you even shocked reading the title of the article? If anyone is going to recommend that people shove a tube up their butt to clean out an internal organ with espresso, it’s GOOP founder Gwenyth Paltrow, also is famous for suggesting women stick jade eggs up their vaginas, admitting to being purposely stung by bees as a beauty treatment, and recommending what she referred to as a “surprisingly affordable yacht rental service."
I was actually going to make a joke about her next recommendation being a solid gold dildo, but it turned out she has already done that. This is not a person who is completely in touch with reality, or at least not the reality most of the rest of the humans on earth are currently participating in.
GOOP recommended a coffee enema in their Beauty and Detox Wellness Guide.
via: ShutterstockAlong with other things like: purchasing an entire two-person sauna for your home, a $429 mini trampoline, and something called metaphysical colon hydrotherapy (your guess is as good as ours as to what that is).
The device is called an Implant O’Rama and to be fair, it’s not just for coffee enemas.According to the website it can be used for coffee enemas, ozone water enemas, and nutrient implants. So, there are a lot of different things you can stick up your butt with this $135 product, which according to the website cannot be returned “due to the nature of the product." (Insert immature giggling here).
To their credit, GOOP does specify that the coffee enema is for “people who know what they’re doing."But it’s not clear what exactly that means, considering the statement just links back to another GOOP page where she has a doctor explain the benefits of DIY elective enemas. There are no actual instructions, though, so it’s unclear how one is supposed to gain expertise in the area without just, please excuse our language, diving right in.
If Gwyneth Paltrow thinks cleaning out her colon with coffee will make her more beautiful, okay fine.There’s no denying that Gwyneth Paltrow is more beautiful than us regular humans who can only afford regular non-precious metal dildos, and who is to say it isn’t because she cleans her butt out with coffee? While we make fun of GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow is the one laughing all the way to the bank with perfectly sun kissed hair, emitting an ethereal glow.
But it should be noted that despite her beauty, doctors are not on board with the coffee enema.
via: ShutterstockAccording to Dr. Junger on GOOP, cleaning out your colon is helpful when doing a cleanse because mucus builds up on the inside of your colon. But according to many other doctors and a magazine called Colon Health Magazine, a enema is really only necessary when done in a medical setting to relieve constipation or before a colonoscopy.
According to Colon Health Magazine, there is no basis for believing that even just regular water-based colon cleansing can rid your body of toxins.Ok, GOOP doesn’t specifically say that the coffee enema with get rid of your colon toxins, but the enema kit does appear in the “detox" section of the Beauty and Detox Wellness Guide, so we can assume that’s the basic idea and she’s not only recommending it to her followers who are experiencing severe constipation.
Aside from being just kind of icky, coffee enemas can actually be dangerous.Supporters of coffee enemas claim they can do anything from giving you more energy, to removing toxins, to curing cancer and depression. There is no science to support this. According to Healthline, three people have died from coffee enemas. In less serious cases, enemas can cause nausea, bloating, cramping, dehydration, bowel perforation, and a risk of infection.
If you still think you might want to try Gwen’s coffee enemas, just imagine going to emergency room and explaining to the doctors that you are there because Gwyneth Paltrow recommended you put coffee in your butt.Just imagine that conversation. Imagine calling your insurance company to confirm you they will be able to cover the ER costs from you putting too much coffee in your butt. Imagine receiving get well soon cards from your family and friends that say “I’m sorry you put too much coffee in your butt."
And then really think about how much you want to try it or if you should just let your liver do it’s thing and assume everything is okay down there.Your liver is really good at getting rid of the things your body doesn’t need, it’s actually why it exists!
But to be honest, we are very excited for what else newly engaged Gwen will recommend on GOOP once she really gets into wedding planning.
via: ShutterstockGwyneth announced her engagement to TV writer and producer Brad Falchuk this week, so you know what that means! In a few short weeks we can likely look forward to GOOP-approved wedding recommendations. A veil made of detoxifying seaweed? Serving only clear bone broth soup for every course and as the signature cocktail? Releasing a cloud of bees to sting all your wedding guests as they leave the reception hall as a party favor? We can’t wait to find out.