There are lights on every house, that one weird radio station is now playing Christmas music 24/7, and your bank account balance is about to reach an all-time low. You know what this means: The holiday season is officially upon us. No matter which holiday you celebrate this winter, no matter what traditions you follow, there are some universal experiences that we all recognize this time of year.
The songs are ubiquitous, the decorations are too, and you know what? So is that feeling of going back to work on January 2nd, when you’re ready for a brand new beginning but then you get to your desk and think, “Huh, I guess it’s just going to be the same.” We all feel these same things around this time of year. So it’s a comfort to read and laugh at tweets about the holidays because no matter your personal experience, you get it. So happy holidays have a laugh at these tweets, and sorry about your awkward family get-together.
It’s Christmastime! It’s Christmastime!
Maybe you’re not as excited as Buddy the Elf was, or maybe you understand that holidays aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be. If so, these tweets are for you.
“Let me show you”
What are visits home for if they aren’t for showing your parents how to use all of the technology they own?
You go, girls!
Heck yeah– I love this!
Scrap Donner, it’s Donna now, baby!
Any tree
This is so true.
Bonus points if it’s a pine tree– but honestly –any tree works.
Dads and ladders
I don’t know what it is, but the older and the frailer they get, the more convinced they are that they should be tens of feet off the ground.
Nothing
I cannot stress this enough; when kids are older than like, 13, all they want is cold hard cash.
Give them money. None of this guessing game stuff.
May your Christmas run red
Hm, who would have thought that this was an inappropriate holiday greeting?
Mostly because it destroys the illusion of one real Santa, of course.
The Grinch
The truth has been spoken.
The Grinch is a curmudgeon who is rightly annoyed by people because people are annoying.
Merry it
Boom! Roasted.
No, but seriously, can you marry a holiday? That one woman married a ghost, so I feel like anything is possible.
Rick-rolled
Get it?
“Never gonna give you UP…”
All I want
You don’t have to get me a present. Seriously, don’t buy me another mug or another pair of socks.
Give me that sweet sweet HBO password.
Making a list
Oh whoa, wait, I think we’ve conflated two different songs here, which is totally unnecessarily because The Killers wrote their own Christmas song!
A Christmas Carol
This is so true, and it makes this “heartwarming” story really awful and stupid.
Rich people are the worst.
Chanukah
The fun thing about Chanukah is that there are pretty much infinite spellings of it, and they’re all correct!
All of them! No really!
The Grinch’s tree
I mean, she’s probably got a warped view of how villainous The Grinch is, but are you going to correct her?
No, because this is hilarious.
“Santa Baby” sequel
It really is very strange how sexual that song is, but I do think the world is ready for Santa’s response.
We’ve been wondering all these years!
Mommy kissed Santa Claus
Well, this took a turn.
And now that child is scarred forever and Christmas will never be the same.
MILLIPEDES
“Wow, that’s a lot of clicks! Ahh, MILLIPEDES! Oh god, it would be horrible if millipedes came down your chimney.” -me reading this tweet
Channing Tatum
Like I said before, all of them.
Channing Tatum.
Han Solo.
Chapstick.
Bells
Christmastime is really the one time of year that bells shine.
And also those kids who got roped into the bells choir at school.
Student loans
Like I said before, give us cash! We have real adult problems now. All we need is money to fix them!
Christmas chart
Well, yes, this about sums it up.
Of course, no one gets the whole two weeks of Christmas and New Year off of work anymore.
No chimney
This is a really good thing to tell your kids if you don’t have a chimney.
Of course, Santa magically repairs the wall so you can’t tell that he broke through it.
Um, this is me at every party.*
*It would be me at parties if I ever went to parties. I have a dog at home so I don’t even have to do the “going to the party” part.
Relentless
While I happen to like Christmas music and the whole season, I understand this sentiment.
Eventually, you’re just like, “Can’t I burrow under a blanket for the next month?”
Christmas/birthday combo
OK, the struggle is real though for someone like me.
My significant other and all my immediate family members were born between November and January.
Satan
And that’s why it never works.
Because he meant to as Santa.
Zoo
Um, false. Have you ever been to a zoo at night?
All of the animals are asleep.
Quality family time
Amen, and happy holidays to all!
Share this with someone who understands the struggle of the holiday season!
