31 Ridiculous Things Husbands Have Said to Their Wives That Will Have You Saying, 'Been There' | 22 Words

One of the most important things about marriage is to have a sense of humor through better or worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall tweet.

And for these hilarious husbands, they seem to have gotten the memo.

Select-a-SIze

via: Twitter

And that using five paper towels to wipe out a Ziploc bag probably isn't that smart. Recycling is hard.

Exactly.

via: Twitter

Finding that perfect ratio is hard. So even though he loves you, he made EXACTLY the amount. You're on your own.

Try again.

via: Twitter

Didn't you know? You're supposed to read her mind.

In a galaxy far, far away.

via: Twitter

May the Force be with you. Don't go the dark side.

The horror!

via: Twitter

And mason jars that people actually just use as mason jars. Pin, pin, pin.

Blah, blah, blah.

via: Twitter

Or rather, the speaking punishment. Depending on the situation.

Maturity is overrated.

via: Twitter

It is kind of hard to talk with all that candy in your mouth. That's certainly a thought to chew on...

Honey-do lists.

via: Twitter

*Sees wife putting away folded laundry* So, do you need help folding laundry?

Tinkle, tinkle.

via: Twitter

And sometimes you breathe too loud. It really depends on the day, but we still love you — when you're quiet.

It's getting hot in here.

via: Twitter

The final result? About 72 degrees when he's home. When he's gone? All bets are off — and the heat is on.

Wise words.

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And if she's in line at the store with a cart of wine and chocolate? Always let her go first.

Going Italian.

via: Twitter

No! Not the lasagna! Timing is everything.

Huh?

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I don't know. Did you hear something?

Putting words in your mouth.

via: Twitter

It's really two-way communication. She says something and you communicate by a series of nods and smiles.

Double trouble.

via: Twitter

Maybe she wanted the top bunk instead? Either way, that's probably a pretty effective birth control method.

Sweetheart spam.

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"But I..." "I said UNSUBSCRIBE!"

What a chore!

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No matter where you go, no matter what you do... She will find you and put you to work.

Brace yourself.

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It's horrible, actually. Can't go to the store, can't do laundry. Simply tragic.

Cut and dry.

via: Twitter

Everyone knows you don't use the decorative towels. That's why they're called decorative towels.

You better shop around.

via: Twitter

Well...? Do we? The answer is always "yes." You always need something from the store.

Man's best friend.

via: Twitter

After all, every dog needs a good wardrobe. How is that stupid stuff?

Sorry. I tried.

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And what is this "pan" that you speak of? I think we should just order in...

The things you learn...

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It always goes on the top shelf to the right. Everyone knows that, dude.

Carved in stone.

via: Twitter

Thou shall not put the milk away wrong Thou shall not load the dishwasher any way other than the way you are asked.

Clip and save.

via: Twitter

But who doesn't want to save 35 cents on dish soap? Bill. Bill doesn't want to save 35 cents on dish soap.

Two-for-one.

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See? Now here's a man who knows how to use coupons.

Surprise!

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Well... Were you?

Shop and save.

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Three hours later: I think we should order out.

Animal magnetism.

via: Twitter

That one just sealed the deal. She couldn't it bear it anymore.

Early returns.

via: Twitter

Yeah, maybe don't go through her closet without her permission. At least your heart was in the right place, even if the donation wasn't.

Drama!

via: Twitter

It's actually quite a performance. Everyone loves a hero!