Hilarious Tweets That Prove Happy Wife Means Happy Life

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Marriage requires love and mutual respect to get through better or worse, sickness and health, as long as you both shall argue over the temperature on the thermostat.

It also requires a sense of humor and understanding that proves, at the end of the day, a happy wife means a happy life.

And for those who are wondering, her name is Febee. She’s adorable.

And with that a dish is chipped into said living room. Hole in one!

Just a little slip of the foot and suddenly you’re able to buy name brand tin foil instead of the generic. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

That depends on the show. If it’s a really good one, I would say five minutes max.

*Mother-in-law hands him back* “He’s your problem now.”

Whisper sweet nothings into her ear… You know, Snickers, Twix, Kit Kat…

Where are the cups again? In the cupboard. Do you mean in the cupboard? Sigh…

Me. I am a laundry folding machine.

Friday nights are when they put on their expensive pants. Wait. Typo. They put on their expansive pants.

After much negotiation, it was decided that 72 was great when he was around, but the second he leaves the house? All bets are off — and the heat goes on.

Plus, after the crime you would have to clean up, so there’s even more laundry to do. It’s a vicious cycle.

The key is to leave them wanting more. In other words, don’t ever let them know how much more you could be doing.

But on the other hand, you know what you have at a wedding? Cake. You can have cake at your wedding.

Maybe be careful if she serves you some food and winks before you take a bite. You can never be too sure…

A man cold is like a regular cold except it includes extreme fatigue from telling everyone that you have a cold.

You break it, you buy it. Or rather, you break it, you blame it on somebody else, and then you buy a new one.

And even then, is there really any discussion? It will all even out in the end. I’m sure she picked you up something nice…maybe.

“When you push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon, then maybe we can talk.”

Netflix and dental gear? And if you’re lucky, the good sweatpants and fancy new T-shirt.

He acts tough, but you know he’s just a big softie. Plus, who doesn’t love kittens?

Just some good, clean fun. Who says romance is dead?

Wait! There’s a note. Thanks for the help!

Plus, it could be worse. He could be her “late” husband.

Forget five years. Where have you been for the past five hours? Pick up some milk on your way home.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I do, whether he likes it or not.

Awww, it so cute how he snores. *five years later* Maybe a pillow would help muffle the noise…

At least he knows his place. And how to make useful acronyms.

You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, and know when to run…

Lather. Rinse. Repeat because you can’t remember if you’ve already washed your hair or not.

See? She’s very proactive. Just remember — happy wife, means happy life.