Hilariously Unfortunate Names You Won’t Believe Are Real

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Welcome to the first day at Bad Name School. Now, for roll call…

Ben Dover? Ben Dover? No? Chauncey McTicklish? Chauncey? McTicklish? Hm, maybe I’m not pronouncing it correctly. Ana L. Beads? Ana? No Ana? Maybe I have the wrong list. Harry Baals? Harry Baals? Anyone?

Weird. Well, I guess I have to finish this list…

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“You gotta go see my chiropractor. He uses a very non-traditional method. But it’s very effective. And you will laaaaugh!”

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“Yes, I’m calling to inquire about the Jolly Mangina for sale.” “What? It’s a building that’s for sale. My name is Jolly Mangina.” *click*

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I think that’s how the song goes… Back to the house at Pooh corner by one You’d be surprised there’s so much to be done Count all the bees in the hive Chase all the clouds from the sky Back to the days of Christopher Robin and MURDER.

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The fact that she’s smiling right now points to the resilience of the human spirit. Good for you, Ms. Beaver. Good for you.

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Go on, laugh. Laugh if you think a lifetime of love, partnership, and happiness is hilarious. Hardy-Harr-Harr.

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Yeah, she does! Twenty-four years of experience! *high five* *wink wink*

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Yeah he does! *high five* *wink wink* *I’m sorry.*

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Yeah he does! *high five* *wink wink* *I’m caught in an infinite loop of terrible jokes. Somebody help me!*

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“What’s your name?” “Christian Guy.” “I know what you are. I asked your name.” “Christian Guy.” “YOU ARE MORE THAN THAT!”

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This is a sneak attack of hilarity. Brock Lee! Brocklee! Broccoli!

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I don’t know how he’s so serious because if my name was Lancelot Supersad, I’d be giggling nonstop all the time, so much that it would impede my ability to live my life. But I guess he’s living up to his name…Lancelot Supersad.

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This doctor is a microbiologist, meaning he looks at the smallest organisms in the world. Smaller even, than the pieces of the human body that his last name.

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There is no more appropriate name for a firefighter than “Les McBurney.” He literally makes things less burney! The world is perfect.

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You think these children are smiling because someone said, “Say cheese”? Think again.

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Having the name “Crystal Methven” is the least of her troubles. She’s also a black market kitten seller! And she’s on a daytime court show.

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The Trapp family had so many options. So many. I’m so glad they went with “Bear.”

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I imagine phone calls where Ms. Tobaccojuice has to spell her last name aren’t the easiest to get through. It’s probably a lot of, “Yes, spelled like that. Yes, I’m sure. Yes, I’m aware.”

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Holden Butts has a lot of problems, evident in his worried face. False statements to law enforcement and or government officials, alcohol possession by a minor, and trying to balance all those butts he’s holding!

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I think the looks on Dann Florek and Ice-T’s faces say it all. If you’re going to be part of Law and Order, you can’t be on speed. Or weed.

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Well, that explains why the whole score was just sounds of meat sizzling in a pan. Kind of weird for a documentary about woodworking, but effective nonetheless. Now I’m hungry.

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Can we give this chyron writer a round of applause? They answered our most burning question about this person in six words.

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Someone should tell Saad Maan that even though his name is Saad Maan, he doesn’t have to be a sad man. I sincerely hope he knows that.

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These people probably bonded because of mutual sympathy for having easily punnable names. Unfortunately, they hyphenated and made it so much worse.

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In the unfortunate name game, this guy takes the cake. In fact, he takes all the cakes. He’s gotten all the pastries and he’s opened his own, sad bakeshop.

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This is when I turn into Hermione Granger. It’s Li-TOR-is, not LI-tor-is.

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I like to think that despite his first name, Sirius is able to laugh at the hand he’s been dealt. Here’s hoping he has a funny bonner in his body.

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“This Brazilian basketball player is proud of his name, and he should be! It’s forceful, it’s visceral—” “Um, it’s German. It’s pronounced ‘Foo-key.” “Oh. Nevermind.”

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If you think it’s bad to be in his class, think about how Mr. Perv feels, especially when his father yells at him for not living up to the family name.

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Harry Hole? Could be worse. His name could be “Barry Shitpeas.”

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…Oh. Uh, sorry Barry. At least your name isn’t “Harry Hole”?

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