What would you do if you found out that someone knew your deepest and darkest secrets? The rational option would be to sit and cry and then beg them not to tell anyone, right? Or if you've got a few extra bucks, buy their silence? Another pretty viable option. Well, a whole bunch of housekeepers recently took to Reddit to reveal the secrets they discovered about their employers and some even went into detail about how they kept quiet about it... Yikes.
Here are a few of the best stories we found on the thread.
1. "Our maid service found our positive pregnancy test in the bathroom trash, after presumably finding negative pregnancy tests in the bathroom trash for the previous twelve months. Left us a nice little congratulations note on my wife's nightstand." [fizzleguy]
That's quite cute actually...
2. "My friend who cleans houses said she once had a girl who left dirty pads [sanitory towels] all over her room. She refused to clean it." [nightmaremain]
Disgusting isn't even the word.
3. "She got a DUI. Typical religious white-collar family; husband, wife, and 4 teen kids. She had one of those at-home breathalyzer tests from the court sitting in the master bathroom, it takes your picture as you blow into it and it sends it to your probation officer. I only know because I was on probation a few years ago and had one too. Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at her public record...yup. DUI and she messed up on probation too, had another court date. After that, I started noticing twelve-step books and such." [LunaTheFerret]
4. "House I used to work at had a secret passage from the master bed to the attic, also a secret passage from a cabinet in the great room leading to the exterior of the garage." [madiet6uwu]
What would someone need all those passages for, I wonder?
5. "Not a housekeeper but a nanny. A family once took me on vacation with them so I could watch their kids while they'd go out and explore the area. That week, my bed was the couch in the living room. It's late at night, the kids are sleeping, I'm laying on the couch and the parents get back. The dad says, 'is she sleeping' referring to me? I didn't say anything so apparently, he assumed yes. He then started farting very loudly." [sisof2]
Now there's an interesting alarm if you ever did need one...
6. "A bit of an innocent one but while I was cleaning I saw this cabinet that was very large. Like someone could fit a body in there. So, being curious, I opened it and saw A WHOLE ROOM. It was crazy! Inside there was a bed and lights attached to these tall wood pieces. Then a mini bookshelf with some books and a desk and computer. It was absolutely amazing." [LemmeHear]
Amazing is not the word I'd use... Maybe creepy? Or criminal?
7. "I'm not a housekeeper but my late aunt used to be. One of her clients, who was fairly well-to-do, had a whole closet full of g*nital-themed toys. And when I say "toys," I'm not using a euphemism for 'sex enhancement items' or anything like that. Literal genital toys. Windup p*nises with googly eyes on them, PEZ dispensers shaped like the most browsed pages of a skin mag (I suspect these weren't official PEZ brand), rather risque variants on 'pin the tail on the donkey', a Nerf-like gun that fired foam." [Times_Hunger]
8. Buddy of mine used to clean houses with his mom. He told me about this one massive mansion they would clean and how there were no mirrors in the entire house. There also weren't a lot of windows and if there were, they had thick drapes. He met the family only once and told me they were very pale and quiet people." [drop-mylife-away]
I know what you're thinking because I'm thinking it too... They're vampires.
9. "Honestly, everything. I worked in a house manager/butler type of position, and there is nothing you don't find out eventually. The trajectory of the toothpaste droplets on the mirror would tell me which of the women had spent the night. I knew passwords to computers, alarm systems, bank accounts, and safes that I hadn't necessarily been provided with. Drugs, kinks, medical history, sordid family secrets, skeletons in the closet, you name it. I think that's the reason salaries get obscene if you stay long enough, your silence is literally golden." [CopingMole]
Rather than being a house manager, I think you'd be better off putting your skills towards solving crimes.
10. "One of my most "vanilla" customers doesn't know I know about her bondage fetish. She seems like she would be a kindergarten teacher, it caught me off guard when I [saw] her ropes/cuffs." [sm0kahontas710]
It's always the "vanilla" ones...
11. I'm a housekeeper at a nursing home. The HR rep and the QA manager had an affair, and I knew about it because they had sex toys delivered to the office. Discreet packaging means f*ck-all when you leave the receipt in the box that I have to break down to throw away. [theskulduggery]
12. "The little old man I'm house-sitting for due to a stroke has a hobby of taking nude photos of women. There's a stack of them under his bed that I found while trying to coax his cat out. His ex-wife (who was the one who hired me) had no idea why there was a futon in his living room with multiple light fixtures pointing to it. The entire setup reminds me of the casting couch in porn (if that couch was a futon.)" [flower_flaps]
Are those police sirens I hear? I sure damn hope so.
13. "They did well to hide it but I know both of them are having affairs. She gets really giddy the week she meets her lover. She is usually quite dowdy in the way she dresses but puts on much younger looking items to meet her man. The week she doesn't meet him is the week she is glummer but gets bombarded with messages so she is stuck in her phone.
He, on the other hand, is a lot harder to catch. I find seemingly innocuous handwritten telephone numbers and names (always female) on scraps of paper. He is a professional that works all over the world and travels a lot and has a massive network so it is part of the job. However, in his bin, wrapped in tissue paper I'll find a torn off section of paper with a room number and presumably time written on it. This method is used with at least 7 different women judging by the different styles of handwriting. I'm pretty sure he is banging more than that though." [username deleted]
Damn, it seems like they're both pretty busy.
14. "Me and my mom were housekeepers. I did my best to get in and out and not learn much but there's a lot of unhappy people. Closet druggies, alcoholics. Animal abusers. Questionable parents. They try and hide it but you can't hide that stuff." [Rottified]
Nothing is as secret as you really think it is... Remember that.
15. "Another dog walker/pet sitter here. Thanks to the calendar you left out, I know what days you are most fertile and how many times you had sex with your husband this month. Good luck!" [catpantsuit]
Hope it worked out for you, whoever you are!
Read more wild stories via the full thread here.