The year: 2000. Double layered spaghetti strap shirts, platform sandals, and pink faux fur adorned our bodies and the tips of our pencils. It was the era of Britney and Justin, of some combination of members of Destiny's Child, a time when everyone was very engrossed in watching Survivor and glad that all the computers didn't blow up when we rolled into the new millennium. It was also the year of Coyote Ugly.
I was 13 when Hollywood blessed us with Coyote Ugly, the sleepover favorite for teen girls around the country about a small town gal who moves to the big city and ends up dancing on a bar in cowboy boots, but I hadn't watched the film since middle school, so I wondered, how did Coyote Ugly hold up nearly 20 years later?
Would I, now older and wiser, still enjoy a film seemingly based entirely on a bar?
There was only one thing to do: I poured myself a glass of Merlot and ordered it on Amazon. Here's what I learned.
The plot of this movie is kind of stupid.
Coyote Ugly passes the Bechdel test!Believe it or not, Coyote Ugly passes the famous Bechdel test. The test states that in order to pass a movie must feature two women, both named, who have a conversation that is not about a man. (About 50% of movies do not pass this test, which is actually mind-blowing). Coyote Ugly has a largely female cast and they often talk about things other than a man: Violet's ambitions, working at the bar, and friendship.
I understand the internet wasn't as much of a thing in 2000, but it still drove me crazy that Violet did no research on how to be a songwriter in New York.On her first day, she just waltzes into recording studio offices and hands them her tapes and then is shocked when they won't listen to them. Um, yeah? That's not how it works, Vi. Did you maybe ask anyone how to be a songwriter? After a few rejections, a receptionist finally suggests she should try an open mic and she receives this information like it's a concept she's never heard of before. She didn't even try to Ask Jeeves how to get started in the songwriting business?
Tyra Banks is in way less of this movie than you probably remember.
I was very concerned about Violet's cat in this movie.
Lil is a shitty boss.The owner of Coyote Ugly, Lil, has terrible managerial skills. First of all, she hires Violet on the spot without asking her a single question about her skills or job history, even though she runs a bar where women need to handle a huge volume of customers at once and have to be able to dance. Violet is hot and slightly sassy, but that's not enough to work at Coyote Ugly and it seems like a huge waste of time for Lil to just hire every inexperienced hot girl who wanders into her bar.
Then Lil doesn't even train her.
Not to mention Coyote Ugly is losing a ton of money in alcohol.At one point Lil gives away a free drink to everyone in the bar. That's like 200 people! The bartenders are constantly using alcohol to create various types of fire. And Violet drops like four entire bottles while trying to learn how to spin them. Maybe the bar makes so much money they don't need to worry about wasted assets, but it doesn't seem like a great business model.
Nobody could rip a t-shirt as perfectly as Lil ripped Violet's USA t-shirt, it is physically impossible.Violet walks into her first day on the job at Coyote Ugly in a white t-shirt with USA printed on it. Her boss immediately rips off the sleeves and the bottom of the shirt, turning it into a sleeveless crop top. Um, what? You cannot just rip a shirt someone is wearing and have it turn out perfectly even. Maybe the arms could come off cleanly, depending on the quality of the fabric, but there's no way that shirt wouldn't just have been completely ripped in half when she ripped off the bottom.
Why can't anyone drink water in this bar? It seems very dangerous.One of the things Coyote Ugly is all about is not letting anyone hydrate. If anyone in the bar dares to request water the bartenders pull out a megaphone, shame the person for their attempt to drink responsibly, scream "HELL NO H2O!", pour water all over themselves, and spray the person who innocently asked for a beverage with a drink hose. Do they want to give every person who comes in their bar alcohol poisoning? It's their own fault that their bathrooms are probably covered in vomit.
There is a truly disappointing shopping montage in this movie.
- The "too conservative outfit".
- The "subject of the montage is trying but misunderstood the assignment of the montage" outfit.
- The "subject of the montage is getting it and picked an outfit too crazy even for the purposes of this montage" outfit.
- The "now we're just being silly" outfit.
- The "just right" outfit.