If you haven’t been drunk shopping on Amazon late at night, I envy your bank account. Unfortunately for me (and my account), it seems to be my favorite post-party activity. I think I just like to scroll, but then I’ll be drawn in by something irresistible, like this great ratan rug, and I’ve got to have it. Sometimes I don’t remember I bought anything until the packages show up on my doorstep. But I call those my happy surprises.
Over the last two years or so, I’ve collected quite a few drunken purchases that I absolutely love. There have been far more that I’ve had to return, but we won’t talk about those. You’d be hard-pressed not to find something on this list, since it seems my drunken tastes vary. Maybe I was buying a present for someone when I bought this LED flashlight? Maybe I was thinking of my mom when I bought these candles? Or maybe there was just something that spoke to me. The world may never know.
I Bought This One When I Was Chilly
We’ve all been there. You’re lying on the floor of a friend’s house, or on the sofa if they like you, and you’re absolutely freezing. I probably thought I would order it and it would magically appear. Sadly, it did not, but when it did appear I discovered an irresistibly cuddly blanket I now can’t live without.
I Must Have Been Thinking of the Ocean
My mom wants to retire to the ocean, so I’m sure I was thinking of her and the ocean when I bought these because they do not go with the decor in my house. They’re gorgeous though! And they would look terrific on a sandy-colored dining room table or in an oceanic-themed bathroom for a little ~ambiance~.
I Thought the Name Was Funny
I remember buying this spiralizer. I was hungry and trolling the Amazon kitchen section. I couldn’t stop laughing at the name, so into the cart it went. I’ve found it’s super useful and now I can make just about any vegetable into a fun noodle for salads, or as a pasta replacement if I’m feeling fancy.
I Was Staring at My Holey Sheets
I’ve got cats and dogs, man. They put holes in everything I love. I can’t tell you when the last time was that I had a pair of sheets they didn’t destroy. I wanted to sleep like royalty, so I bought these awesome bamboo sheets. Turns out, they’re pretty pet-proof too! They’ve lasted longer than any others.
This Was a Rage-Induced Purchase
My pups have busted more than one leash. I remember stewing about their Incredible Hulk acts when I bought this. It’s served us well! They’ve got plenty of room and it’s got superior strength so there aren’t any runaway acts.
This Was a Cart-Before-the-Horse Purchase
These bad boys were a purchase I made when I thought I might take a Caribbean vacation. But who can afford a Caribbean vacation in this economy? But despite the decided lack of vacation, this snorkel and fin set has been fun to use in my friend’s pool, so it wasn’t a loss!
Pretty Sure I Was Tired of Paying for Cold Brew
I, like most other hot-blooded human beings, love iced coffee. And cold brew is the preferred cold coffee in my household. Pretty sure this was a day-drunk shopping event fueled by my distinct distaste for paying those high cold brew prices. Now I can make it at home! But not drunk; that’s a recipe for disaster.
I Hadn’t Had Enough Water
Who out there can really say they drink enough water throughout the day? I think we’re all guilty of not realizing we’ve got to stay hydrated. This purchase changed the hydration game for me and now I can’t help but remember to have some water. It even has three different lids so you’ve got every occasion covered.
I Probably Thought This Was a Giant Bouncy Ball
Well, it’s not. But it is a great exercise ball and I’m pretty thrilled with the purchase. It’s not as fun as a jumbo bouncy ball, but it’s getting those core muscles in shape and is a great addition to my daily post-workout stretches. It even comes with a pump!
I Think Grown-Ups Should Have Fun Lunchboxes Too!
I remember when I bought this; I was only a little tipsy. I don’t really need a lunchbox, but I had this idea that it would make me a little more productive and more likely to eat lunch at home if I prepped it every day in this cute lil Bento box situation. I was wrong. But it’s still cute!
This Great Mat Must Have Been a Present Purchase
Because of my cats, I can’t really keep yoga mats in my house, which is unfortunate since I’m a yogi, so I had to have been thinking of gifting this to someone when I bought it. It’s a great mat! It’s thick and durable and it works for yoga or weight lifting or cardio, but not for cats.
I Probably Had Another Running Dream
Does anyone else dream about running? N0? Just me? I have running dreams all the time, but I’m not a very good runner. I’m willing to bet good money that I bought this phone holder when I woke from a drunken dream about being a marathon runner. I’m super pleased with it and it’s been really effective so far!
I Thought These Were Doors
Never drink and buy, y’all. I definitely thought these were the cheapest doors I had ever seen. Why? I couldn’t tell you. But now that they’re here I absolutely love just what they are; decorative frames. I’ve got plants hanging from one and strings of pictures hanging from the other and they look stunning in my living room.
These Moisture Absorber Hanging Bags Are So Clever!
I’m not a fan of big, bulky dehumidifiers. Aside from taking up space, they ruin the aesthetics of the room and are noisy. That’s why I switched to these moisture-absorbing hanging bags! They take up very little space and I can hang them anywhere – in my closet, bathroom, car, and even boat. The subtle design is portable and the formula contains activated charcoal that removes oder instead of masking it.
I’d Give This Red Light Therapy Belt The Green Light
Okay, to be honest, I was searching on Amazon for things that would relieve my lower back pain from sitting at my desk all day every day, and that’s when I found this therapy belt. I had no idea red light therapy was a thing! Not only does it relieve back pain, but it also rejuvenates skin, breaks down fat cells, and puts you in a great mood. You really get your bang for your buck with this 4-in-1 gem.
I Was Thinking of a Beach Vacation… Again
I think beach vacations are a theme when I’m drunk. I saw this gorgeous rattan rug and knew I had to have it. I wanted to make my home more “beachy glam”. Unfortunately, my cats also love it. So, it’s now in my office upstairs, which suits me — now my office is a beachy escape.
I Love Coffee, Drunk or Sober
I would have purchased this bad boy while I was stone-cold sober. I just… Didn’t. This keeps my coffee fresh and delivers that tasty punch for days after I’ve grounded the beans. I love everything about this product, except when it’s empty. Then I’m just heartbroken.
Maybe I Was Trying to Be Fancy?
I can’t imagine why I would drunkenly order velvet hangers, but I sure am glad I did! These keep my clothes on the hanger no matter how many times my cats walk into the closet and rub up against them. And they’re very fashion-forward so I now have a chic closet.
I Get Into Organizing When I’m Drunk
If I’m just the right amount of drunk, I feel a deep and abiding desire to organize everything in my house, and spices are no exception. I saw these awesome spice jars post-organization one night and had to have them. I love them and love how cute they look on my counter!
Who Doesn’t Love a Good Mason Jar?
This Mason guy really knew what he was doing, ammiright? I bought these one night post-party with the sole intention of moving all of my dry goods into them. That didn’t happen, but they do make fantastic drinking glasses or storage containers for soups and sauces!
I Was Looking for a Little Zen
In fact, I’m pretty sure I typed “a little Zen” into the Amazon search bar. And voila! A gorgeous, Himalayan salt lamp arrived on my doorstep a few days later. And true to the search, this little guy does bring me a little Zen every day.
I Know I Bought This as a Gift
I don’t drink whiskey, so this was definitely a gift buy. My husband’s best friend is a whiskey connoisseur and that evening I was definitely drunk from the whiskey tasting he had arranged, but I wanted to thank him for a nice evening. Drunk me is pretty sweet, isn’t she?
I Took a Second Run at Dry Goods Storage
Fortunately, this time I actually did put my dry goods in here. And they look very cute! I’m positive this was the night I drunkenly scrolled through the Amazon kitchen section. I do that sometimes when I’m drunk and hungry. Who knows why. But these containers are excellent and airtight for freshness.
Who Knows Why I Bought This One
I can’t tell you why I purchased this, but it’s been super helpful! You can always use a good flashlight, and this is the best of them. It gives off a powerful LED beam so you can find your way from the Uber to the house post-party, or for more practical purposes like cleaning up your crawl space or something.
There’s No Need to Guess Why I Bought This Corkscrew
I have a history of going on vacation without a corkscrew. This doesn’t sound like an issue until you arrive at the hotel or house and realize — there’s no corkscrew! I drunkenly purchased this after making my husband slam a cork down into the wine bottle, soaking himself, and all my siblings and their partners within proximity, in the process.
I Wanted to Be a Pinterest Mom
I’m not a mom. But sometimes when I’m drunk I cry about how cool Pinterest moms seem. Pretty sure that’s why I bought this gorgeous marble tray. You can use it for just about anything, but I prefer using it as a soap dish so it’s out there for all to see and admire.
I Was Feeling Self-Conscious About My Brows
I love going to parties, but sometimes I leave them feeling a little down on myself. There are just so many pretty people in the world! And one of my biggest insecurities is my brows. I love this brow gel and it leaves them looking full and gorgeous after every use.
I Can’t Stand When My Feet Are Cold
When I drink too much, it’s inevitable that my feet get cold. It’s also inevitable that I have to go to the bathroom. This cute round rug is my new favorite bathroom accent and I absolutely ordered it while lying on my cold bathroom floor, wishing for the warm hands of death to take my nausea from me.
You Tell Me Why I Ordered This
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why I ordered this. We have plenty of dog bowls! But it turns out it’s actually pretty useful. My husband usually does the pet feedings and he says our oldest dog likes to nose the bowl until it makes its way under furniture, which this silicone pad now prevents. Maybe I’m psychic?
I Love My Dog, Okay?
Dogs are my favorite creatures. I mean, other than my adorable cats, of course. One night at a party I was crying about my dog with my friends and one of them suggested we take our dogs on an adventure together. So, of course, I volunteered my trusty Subaru and instantly purchased this cushion protector. Definitely a genius move.
I Wanted to Spice Up My Yoga Routine
A yogi I may be, but creative I am not. At least not when it comes to varying my yoga routine. I’m always on a kick to be healthier when I’m drinking, probs cause I realize how short life is, yadda yadda, so I grabbed these for myself and they’ve been a game changer.
I Was Tired of Feeling Old During My Practice
I don’t know about you, but aging has had some unexpected side effects, like sore knees. I drunkenly treated myself to this knee pad so I could finally quit suffering through those kneeling poses. It’s okay to have sore knees, y’all. Embrace the aging and do yourself a favor; buy this mat.
I Bought These for My Husband
My husband is obsessed with skincare, y’all. He has a better skincare routine than I do. He’s also obsessed with blemish-free skin, so I bought him these pimple patches one night, drunkenly thinking it would be nice. He took offense at first until I explained the intent to him. He’s still wary of my judgement but appreciative nonetheless.
I Was Drunkenly Thinking of Hair Cuts
Don’t you love that little head massage they give you when you get your hair cut at the salon? It’s my favorite part. I’ve fallen asleep at least twice. I saw this on Amazon and immediately knew it would change my life for the better. I do not regret it. 10/10.
I Can’t Tell If I Was Thinking of My Brows or Splinters
I’ve been known to fall down when drinking a time or two and that’s especially painful when you fall down on a wooden porch. That’s how you get splinters in your butt, kids. Would not recommend. So, it’s 50/50 whether I was thinking of butt splinters or tweezing my brows for the gods. Either way, I love these!
Why Did I Buy These? I Don’t Have Edges
Not entirely sure why I grabbed these, as I don’t have edges, but they were really helpful to have while I was growing my buzz cut out. Maybe I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to buzz my hair, long before I did it. I think I am psychic!
My Dogs Have Gross Ears
I was a little drunk, I was petting my pooch, and I looked down and saw grossness. She’s got some nasty ears. I jumped on my trusty Amazon app real quick and found this. It’s been terrific for getting that built-up gunk cleared out of her lil ears.
I Got Sad That My Pups Get So Hot
I cry while drinking pretty often. Usually for happy reasons, but often it’s for silly reasons like worrying that my dogs are gonna be too hot in the summer. I bought this cool de-fluffing gadget to help them shed their winter coats a little quicker and to help me contain the mess from it a little better.
I Want the Last Drop!
Sober or drunk I get mad that I can’t get that very last drop out of my expensive makeup or skincare products. This little spatula is specifically designed to get out every last bit so you can make the most of your investment and get out all the good stuff.