Sure, Deadpool may not be the best smelling hero, or the best looking hero, or the most muscular hero – stay with me here – but he sure has a quick draw, sharp swords, and an equally sharp tongue. In fact, I’m guessing if you were a criminal, you would probably feel safer running up against Spider-Man or Cyclops. Those guys have morals. You may go to jail in one piece going up against those guys.
One thing you should know about Deadpool is that beneath the blood-soaked suit and disfigured body, he’s just like you and I. He puts his onesie on one leg at a time. And when he’s dressed, he loves whipping out his phone to do some Amazon shopping. You know he has to stock up on stain removers for his suits, ice packs for the more severe injuries, and a good stretching poster to never go into a fight cold.
Nothing Like a Bath After a Night of Crime-Fighting
Whether it’s a busy night with lots of punching and maiming, or just an easy night stopping a robbery or two with a sharp wit, crime-fighting is tiring work. I’m sure Deadpool takes a soak in the tub after all of it.
This Kit to Fix Tears in Any Outfit
You know Deadpool must come home at 3 AM each morning with cuts and tears throughout his suit. And this is not something you just take in to a tailor. Most nights, he’s gotta whip out this sewing kit and fix all those tears himself.
Write on Any Surface with These Pens
Painting is a great hobby that you can take up just about anywhere. And if you have these pens that can write on almost any surface while you’re out in New York trying to catch bad guys, the possibilities are endless.
These Notebooks for Sketching on the Go
The best way to pass the time when waiting for a crime to happen is to write or sketch out ideas. It may be a poem about Spider-Man or a sketch of Hugh Jackman. In either case, these notebooks are perfect for putting all those ideas on paper.
Always Know the Hot Spots with These Maps
Superhero work takes you all around the city, the state, and the country. If you join the right super team, maybe even the world. This map set lets you mark every place you visit or would like to visit some day.
This Box Keeps Your Stuff Private
When you fight crime for a living but you also have to keep a roommate, you’re going to want to keep some things safe. This combination lock is perfect to keep those things safe from prying eyes.
These Trash Bags Fit All Your Messes
Deadpool makes messes everywhere he goes. It’s sort of his calling card. When you’re constantly having to clean up messes that size, you’re going to need trash cans. You and I may not have to deal with those but it’s good to know our trash bags could handle it.
This Poster to Stretch Before Crime-Fighting
Crime-fighting requires a lot of your body. You don’t want to go out there cold and pull a hammie. This poster is perfect to warm up the body with some good stretches before you hit the streets.
Use This Planner to Schedule Your Whole Week
Deadpool can use this planner to schedule out his whole week. Collect some evidence on Monday, Kick some butt Tuesday through Thursday, and start your weekend on Friday. If it’s good enough for Deadpool, you and I can use it to schedule out our week.
Sometimes All You Can Do Is Tape It Up
Some injuries can get pretty bad but if you’ve got limbs that grow back and bones that heal over time, you can be like Deadpool and just tape things back in place while they heal. If you’re like the rest of us, you can still use tape to fix plenty of other things.
Soothe Sore Muscles with This Pad
Even though his body may heal on its own no matter what anybody does to him, I’m betting Deadpool still likes to come home from time to time and drop this heating pad on his back or shoulders to ease some of the pain.
Small Cubes for Tiki Drinks After a Rough Night
If you know Deadpool, you should know he likes a stiff drink now and again. Sometimes, especially on hot nights, he probably chills with a tiki drink with lots of ice from these tiny cube ice trays.
Some Help With Pesky Bottle Tops
Deadpool can regrow his limbs. That has to be a cool superpower. One drawback is that it takes time so if he loses a hand, it may be a while before that new hand is adult-size and fully functional. This bottle top opener should help him open soda pops while he waits.
A Soothing Candle for Brief Moments of Meditation
After a night of taking names and kicking butt, I’m guessing Deadpool enjoys lighting a candle and relaxing for a few minutes to think back on all the mayhem he caused earlier. Just a few moments of silence reflecting on the fun.
Eliminate All Those Bathroom Smells
This toilet spray is almost as powerful at killing odors as Deadpool is at doing what he does. Perhaps that’s why he keeps one of these in his own bathroom. And unlike Deadpool, this spray leaves behind a citrusy scent.
Because Even Superheroes Have to Sleep
Everyone deserves to sleep in clean sheets but you know who shouldn’t use white on their bed, Deadpool. This dark grey set of bed sheets is the right color to handle a superhero of Deadpool’s caliber.
Apply This Massager When the Mask Comes Off
Wearing that mask all night can’t be comfortable. And then there’s how his head looks without the mask. When Deadpool’s night is over, he reaches for this scalp massager to get all the sweat, gunk, and stress off his head.
This Reading Light to Enjoy Comics at Night
The thing about spending hours outside at night waiting for nefarious activity is that you can’t get any reading done in total darkness. That’s why Deadpool goes out with this reading light and probably a Spider-Man comic book in hand.
This Selfie Stick to Catch All Your Adventures
Spider-Man is not the only hero that likes documenting his own adventures. Peter Parker may be a freelance photographer but Deadpool takes selfies for the pure joy of seeing himself being awesome when he’s chilling at home later.
This Body Wash to Control Odor
I imagine even Deadpool must get tired of his own smell at some point. When that happens, he reaches for this tea tree oil body wash in the shower. It helps with his smell, cleanses his skin, and leaves a fresh minty scent. If it’s good enough to get him clean, I’ll take it too.
When the Mask Comes Off, the Cream Goes On
We all know the importance of a nighttime self-care routine. Fortunately, so does Deadpool. When he comes home at the end of the night to sleep until lunch, he reaches for this skin firming cream and slathers it all over his face.
A Tongue Cleaner Worthy of Deadpool’s Filthy Mouth
I don’t know that there any heroes who share their most impure thoughts or say the most inappropriate things as often as Deadpool. A tongue that sharp and dirty needs these tongue cleaners. They’re also good to keep our tongues clean and free from bad breath.
Protect Your Ears from Explosions with These Plugs
Hang around Deadpool long enough and you’re going to be around bombs and explosions. Unlike him, my ear damage will be permanent. That’s why I stick these earplugs in my ears each time I head out with him.
This Belt Holds Midnight Snack Money
Cravings for late-night chimichangas will happen and you’ve seen that suit, it’s much too tight to hold any money anywhere. Trust me, I’ve checked. This money belt is perfect for those nights when you want to be ready for munchies.
These Wipes Because Injuries Will Happen
When you walk around with two katana blades on your back, you’re going to get sliced every now and again. Keep these alcohol wipes handy whether you have the same problem as Deadpool or not.
These Exercise Cards for Maximum Effort
Do you think a body that looks that good in a skin-tight suit just happens? Okay, maybe in Deadpool’s case it does. It still doesn’t hurt to get these cards and put in some daily exercise before leaving the house.
Catch Insects Indoors with This Trap
I’m betting Deadpool’s apartment tends to attract flies among other things. Between the face, the fights, and the behavior, it can’t be the neatest apartment in New York. This fly trap should do the trick to get rid of those pests.
End Foot Funkwith This Spray
Deadpool’s foot odor must be as uncanny as the X-Men themselves. I certainly don’t want to be around him when the onesie comes off and the feet are just part of the reason. At least he can spray some of this stuff on his feet so his roommate can make it through another day.
Store All Your Supplies in This Storage Bag
You may not have to worry about the same sorts of things but we all have stuff to put away and hide in some corner of the house. Deadpool may have an assortment of toys that can hurt people but your excess junk creates just as much clutter and these bags should help get it under control.
Clean up Messes on the Floor with These Pads
When you walk into your apartment tracking mud and who knows what else that you stepped on outside, you’re going to need these mop pads to clean it up each and every morning. You might want to grab an extra box.
This Treater Removes the Most Stubborn Stains
The best way to get whatever those stains are on your bright red suit is to treat them with this stain remover before you throw them in the wash. If this stain remover is good enough for Deadpool’s stains, it must be good enough for my laundry.
Deadpool’s Clothes Need These Detergent Sheets
I don’t know how many suits Deadpool owns but I hope he has more than one based on how dirty it seems to get each time he goes out. On laundry day, these detergent sheets get them all clean so he can go out and do it all over again.
Use These Bubbles for the Element of Surprise
These days, criminals just don’t appreciate a good diversion. This bubble blaster distracts mischievous kids of all ages. Whether it’s distracting a robber until you can cut off one of their limbs or keeping your own kids happy for a little while, bubbles do the trick.
Get Yourself Clean with This Scrubber
You don’t have to be Deadpool to get dirty and need a shower. That’s why this scrubber is just as good for me as it is for him. It reaches all the hard-to-reach spots and gets you fresh and clean.
This Box Stores and Keeps Smells Inside
Deadpool’s not made of money. I’m sure he has to pack some leftover Tex-Mex from time to time to take on stakeouts or whatever else he gets himself into. this smell-proof case will keep his lunch safe without letting the smells get out.
This Ice Pack for Any Wrist Injuries
He may regrow limbs but that doesn’t mean breaking a hand doesn’t smurk a little. That’s when Deadpool reaches for this ice pack. As for the rest of us, this pack can help with sprains and carpal tunnel pain as well.
Start a Fire with These Starters
Don’t let anybody tell you that starting a good fire is easy. You gotta have the right tools. That’s why Deadpool packs one of these starter squares each time he leaves the house. You and I don’t need them for the same reason but they will help start a grill or fire pit on a cold night.