40 Insane ‘Overheard at Walmart’ Conversations

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Not only is Walmart a weird, contained microcosm of whichever town it’s in, it’s also always reliably filled with some strange people.

These 40 conversations, which were overheard at Walmart, will make you go, “WHAT?! OK, yeah, that makes sense. It’s Walmart.”

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The party with the horse

  via Twitter  

This is incredible. Just the sort of nonsense you expect at Walmart, and yet, still refreshingly surprising.

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That kind of catch

  via Twitter  

Seriously, who is this woman and is she selling little bits of her self-confidence, because I’ll buy it. She should leave Walmart and go do motivational speaking somewhere.

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Deodorant

  via Twitter  

Ahh! This will haunt me forever. Please, if you’re in a store and the deodorant doesn’t have that plastic thingy stuck to the stick, don’t buy it!

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Redneck Vegan

  via Twitter  

This is quite a rare breed. If he doesn’t eat meat, though, what does he hunt for? Because the only acceptable reason to hunt is if you’re going to eat what you kill.

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By the balls

  via Twitter  

I think this person meant “near” the balls, but the way they said it makes it mean something else entirely.

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Frozen turkeys

  via Twitter  

Again, I think she was asking if there were any other turkeys that were bigger than these, but the way she asked got her this priceless answer.

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What’s murder?

  via Twitter  

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably gotten to this point once or twice with your child. Especially if you’ve taken them shopping.

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The Spongebob

  via Twitter  

I really hope the guy’s name was Bob. And that Bob was really confused and was like, “What’s a sponge?” And then the kid kicked him in the knee.

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No shower

  via Twitter  

Look, she’s a busy person with a lot of errands to run. She can’t afford to take time out of her schedule to wash bird poop out of her hair right now.

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No calories

  via Twitter  

Oh my goodness. Don’t you just want to tell people everywhere (but especially in Walmart) that they should drink more water? As much as they want? It’s good for you!

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Job perks

  via Twitter  

There’s a Walmart choir? I hope they sing all about the deals and the savings and the seasonal supplies.

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Sour Patch Kids

  via Twitter  

Look, sometimes you need your sour gummy candy, and you can’t let anyone stand in your way. I understand this feeling.

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Smell my hand

  via Twitter  

You know that if you ever get this request that it is not going to smell good and it is not going to end well for you. No one was ever like, “Smell my hand. It smells like fresh baked cookies!”

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Perfection

  via Twitter  

Man, this is cute! But also men, makeup isn’t for you! It’s not necessarily to “improve” a woman’s looks! A woman wears makeup because she wants to and because it makes her feel good. Period end of story!

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Some random guy

  via Twitter  

A lot of crazy things happen in Walmart parking lots, but catching the guy who stole your car driving off in it is just about one of the craziest things that can happen in a Walmart parking lot.

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Chill pill

  via Twitter  

You can’t really argue with that kid on the existence of chill pills, but oooh if that just didn’t make her mom even more mad.

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Not your grandma

  via Twitter  

This is so funny. Could you imagine as a kid getting up close to a woman you think is your grandma only to discover it is definitely not? That would haunt your nightmares forever.

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Seven dollars

  via Twitter  

Raise your hand if you relate to this hard. Especially toward the end of the month, when you’re scraping by on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? I’m right there with you.

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Stuck in the bathroom

  via Twitter  

This isn’t exactly an “overheard at Walmart,” but I don’t care because it’s so funny and I wanted you to see it. So, you’re welcome.

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Trying not to cuss

  via Twitter  

If you’ve ever tried to bring a small child shopping, you probably relate to this sentiment pretty directly.

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Not real eggs

  via Twitter  

Hatchimals may not be real eggs, but you still shouldn’t break them! They still have to hatch on their own! Come on, dude!

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Spaghettiiiiiii!

  via Twitter  

Was… Was she calling for spaghetti? Like, “Where are you, spaghetti? Did you run from me back into the depths of the pasta aisle? I just want to twirl you on my fork!”

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Veterinarians

  via Twitter  

How could a dog owner ever think that veterinarians aren’t necessary? These animals are part of your family, and you don’t deserve them if you think that way!

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Where you been

  via Twitter  

“OMG which jail?! OMG me too! That’s so funny! What a small world! Their food was not good, OMG, it was terrible.”

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Alcohol system

  via Twitter  

This is either a pretty clever joke or the ramblings of a drunk person who can’t get their words straight. Either way, it’s kind of funny.

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Too many kids

  via Twitter  

This is like The Hunger Games only you’d be left to fend for yourself in the wilds of the aisles of Walmart, and honestly, that doesn’t sound so bad.

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No flirting

  via Twitter  

To be fair to the guy, Walmart is pretty much the worst place to attempt flirting. “You’re buying toilet paper? Me too! For my big poops!”

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57 years

  via Twitter  

This is adorable, but either they were lying about still being in the honeymoon phase, or they’re both going deaf. And that’s the only reason they still like being around each other.

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Moms at Walmart

  via Twitter  

This pretty much sums up the lives of all moms who take their kids to Walmart. Kids are kind of the worst.

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I don’t care

  via Twitter  

Girl 2 is going to go far in life. Not caring what other people think of you is kind of the best thing you can do for yourself.

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Don’t eat glue

  via Twitter  

Am I wrong or is seven years old way past the age that a child should be attempting to eat glue?

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Pizza thief

  via Twitter  

This is a true tragedy of epic pie proportions. But also, who picked up a bunch of pizzas and then left them in the car while they went into Walmart?

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Not sure about the ‘B’

  via Twitter  

Listen, I’ve never seen this shirt. But I’m going to go ahead and venture a guess that if the “F” stands for “front” than the “B” on the back probably stands for… “back.”

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Hula hooping

  via Twitter  

I truly hope that this wasn’t a mother saying this to her small child but an adult woman saying this to her older mother.

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At a funeral

  via Twitter  

I mean, yeah, a funeral is probably not the place to get in a fistfight with someone. That’s some real, respectable restraint right there.

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I know my rights

  via Twitter  

I can’t wait to be a parent because parents just get to make up rules all the time and make their children follow them even if they’re bonkers.

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He never came back

  via Twitter  

Hm, iced tea. That’s a new one. Usually, it’s cigarettes.

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Surprise me

  via Twitter  

That’s absolutely hilarious. Nick seems to really enjoy his “Steve” cake as well. This isn’t so much an “overheard” at Walmart as an “underheard” at Walmart.

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Fry up

  via Twitter  

I just…I want to know where this was and what year this was. Because if it wasn’t at a Walmart in the Louisiana Purchase in 1807, this isn’t right.

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Trumpers

  via Twitter  

I really want to know how this conversation ended. I can’t imagine the Trumpers went, “You know what? You’re right! What were we thinking?!” Share this with someone who understands the trials and tribulations of Walmart!

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