When you log on to the internet, you expect to be greeted with nothing but pure, hard facts. People don't lie on the internet, because to do so would sully its perfect reputation. In fact, I'd say the best part of using the internet is the relaxing feeling of knowing that, no matter what, everything I read on it is true. That's why it's so positively revolting when you find the internet liars. They are shaking the unflappable trust the rest of us have spent years building in this hallowed communication method!
But for whatever reason, people feel the need to write out stories that are obviously untrue on the web. Maybe they're looking for validation or attention, or those sweet sweet Likes. Still, no matter why these internet liars are doing what they're doing, these bizarre, writing these unnecessary lies on social media is the quickest way to get the rest of the internet rolling its eyes.
Got a tetravalent savant over here.Two weeks ago I corrected my chem teacher on tetravalence and I solved a problem which he wasn't able to crack in days. He congratulated me and told me to teach the class properly. Today they had a test and all of them got full. The reply from a classmate: When the heck did this happen? Stop making up b.s., you don't know jack about tetravalency. - LynxMachine
Judges love off-the-cuff speeches on theism.When my parents were fighting for custody, I was old enough to have a say, so they put me under oath to assure I was being honest about my feelings. Using my best serious face, when offered the Bible to swear on, I requested to swear on the secretary's hole punch because "it's far more honest. It says 'I'm going to punch a hole' and it does. Best God I've seen today." My mom buried her face in her hands, my dad sighed and rubbed his forehead. The judge almost choked on his water before telling the bailiff "Find this young lady a hole punch!" The reply: Why is everyone on this site a compulsive liar - astridu
Is your doctor a mark?DOCTOR: You lost 12 pounds since the last time I saw you. ME: Coffee. DOCTOR: Coffee? ME: Coffee. *Pulls out a pack of skinny coffee and shows her the ingredients* DOCTOR: Sign me up. And that's how my doctor became my customer today. - SorrowWave
Wal-Mart employees are notoriously observant.I went to Wal-Mart to buy a tub of cookie dough and a box of tampons and as the seventeen-year-old boy was ringing up my stuff he just looked at me and said: "it's going to be okay." The reply: And just after that he said "By the way, I'm seventeen-years-old. I wanted you to know that so you can describe me in your fake text post on the internet." - princesslisa_
Ah, children. The bank robber's one weakness...I was in the bank with my five-year-old sister when we hear "EVERYONE GET DOWN." We all got down except my sister who said "stealing is wrong." The robbers bolted out and everyone stood and clapped. The bank manager gave us 1000 dollars for saving the day as well. - grandmaster_oatcake
Very articulate four-year-old.I was at Starbucks with Aiden (who is four years old) today, and Lil' Pump was playing in the radio. Aiden went and told the barista to switch to some Eminem because "all new music is so dumb nowadays." All other customers started clapping and cheering when "Rap God" started playing and I'd never been so proud. The barista even gave us out drinks for free to thank for business advice. - Naatti_
ANOTHER anti-Lil' Pump, pro-Eminem lie?When Eminem brought out Dre at Coachella I witnessed a group of teenagers ask each other "who's dad is that?" then collectively rushed off to see Lil' Pump. Right then and there, I knew this generation was doomed. - kippller
Doesn't God have, like, stuff to do?
via: RedditWe left the Flag up during the Rain Storm the other night. Wind/ God braided it and tied it in a knot at the end; so it would rip no more. This is how OUR FLAG came down from the flag pole... Amen... Amen... :) - I_build_stuff
Ah, jokes. The teacher's one weakness...They literally banned camo pants from my old school because people kept making "invisible" jokes and one teacher had a mental breakdown and decided to quit because of them. - deathbyleah
"We are attracted to the physical destruction of our coworkers."I beat the sh-t out of a cop for being a jerk and since he touched me first he got arrested and I got off fine. And by "got off fine" I don't just mean the pleasant absence of any charges or court dates. The, ahem, female officers were quite pleased with my achievement of getting rid of him. ;) The reply: Did everyone clap after? - Mr_AC250
From a Reddit thread entitled "What's the Dumbest Thing You Did as a Child?"My sister asked me to take the dog out for a walk. She looked out the window a few minutes later to see me dragging an empty leash around the yard. I forgot the dog. In my defense, our dog was really small. - KPtheUnicorn
Must've been an artisanal McDonald's.I can't believe the cook in McDonald's invited me back into the kitchen to cook a burger after I complained how bad my Big Mac was and I ended up creating a whole new sandwich on the spot, which went down so well with a customer that the staff asked me for my recipe so they could put it on the menu for future use. That's what ya get for challenging me. - je_suis_un_negre
"My guess? That poem was written by the president."My English teacher wrote part of a poem I wrote on the board today, which honestly surprised me. She had the students guess who wrote it and most of the answers were "the president" or "Shakespeare." When my teacher revealed that it was I who wrote it, I received an applause. - Omusa
One thing about old people: they tell their opinions to strangers.An older gentleman on the elevator tried to shame me because I was on my phone with headphones in. He said "kids today don't read." I turned a little to show him the book in my hand that I was headed to lunch to read. I said "I'm just listening to music." Then he said "music today is garbage" to which I showed him my phone... where I was listening to hymns... Baby boomers, gosh. - stephrules45
This is actually a super old image of a normal, non-teacher girl in the ceiling. Good try though.
via: RedditMy teacher left the room during a test so we all started sharing answers. Then I look up and she was staring right at me. - EthanTHFC_04
"I'm literally typing this in the car and there are cans tied to the back."So this one time in grade 8 I was walking home and some of the popular girls came up to me and pushed me into a puddle and told me to go have sex with my "boyfriend" and this girl says "wait guys! She doesn't even have one!" They all laughed at me until the most popular guy in school came up to me and said "Wait! Did we break up? I sure hope not!" and kissed me and I had no clue what he was doing but yeah. We just got married. - meominhanh9991
It's a big detail to forget, but maybe that's why.INTERNET LIAR: I also had a pen-pal for 30 years and after all that time we both discovered we were next-door neighbors so we both spent a fortune on stamps when we could have just thrown the letters over each others' fence. REGULAR PERSON: Did you not notice the address? INTERNET LIAR: Both had PO boxes. REGULAR PERSON: I mean, despite the PO boxes you would notice the same zip code. INTERNET LIAR: I FORGOT to mention both me and my pen-pal (neighbor) have amnesia. - Sarace_
It's almost a non-sequitur.CUSTOMER: Can I have a coffee please? BARISTA: Milk? CUSTOMER: No thank you. BARISTA: Are you vegan by any chance? CUSTOMER: Yes! How did you guess? BARISTA: Because you're absolutely gorgeous. - JulianOz
We all have phones with Siri in our pockets, dude. Anyone can check this.Today in class Siri went off and I just ignored it and my teacher said, "The age of a star determines how the star will die." Then Siri said "That is false, the mass determines the death of a star." - FROXII
One thing I know about children: they definitely talk like this.ME: Strawberry ice cream for breakfast? Seriously? 7 YEAR OLD: I checked the ingredients. It has all the things you ask me to eat for breakfast — milk, strawberry, even eggs. ME: It's ice cream. 7 YEAR OLD: So what bothers you is that it's frozen? Fine. I can wait until it melts. - yungthug4pres
Um, he would be fired.Pizza delivery guy literally just gave my $16 order to me for free cause he liked my Lord of the Rings t-shirt. Being a nerdy girl pays off sometimes. - je_suis_un_negre
What if this lady was the Joker, and murder really was a joke to her? Did they even consider that?Just saw a lady get arrested in front of her kid!! LITTLE GIRL: Mommy can I have some chips MOTHER: No LITTLE GIRL: Please mommy I haven't eaten all day MOTHER: NO LITTLE GIRL: Well can I have a banana MOTHER: NO, if you ask me for something else I'll kill you in this store ME: [shocked face emoji] COP STANDING BEHIND ME: Excuse me miss, lady put your hands behind your back. How dare you threaten to kill your child. MOTHER: I was only joking. OFFICER: So murder is a joke to you. Then the second officer picks kid up, buys her the banana, and they walk out to the police car. - jehbus
I am incredibly confident that they do not make the McNuggets in the stores.I'm a supervisor at McDonald's and we ran out of chicken to make McNuggets the other day so I made like 10 batches of vegan nuggets with the ingredients we had and non of the customers realized and I even heard people say they tasted better than usual. - je_suis_un_negre
Ah yes. Classic mom behavior.
I asked my mom for $400 and she was like "okay but please tell me this isn't drug money" and I was like "no, I'll send you a picture of what I buy once I get it." So I bought a stripper pole, sent her a picture, and all she said was "god I wish you would have just bought the drugs." - shygirlll
When I say "BOYS," you say "DUMB."While shopping in Target I heard a girl say: "Boys are so dumb" To which I replied: "Say it louder for the girls in the back" To which she screamed: "BOYS ARE DUMB" To which the other customers replied: [clap emoji] with a slow clap *Best Target experience yet*
Maybe just try it on Siri before you post your lie?I JUST ASKED SIRI IF A CERTAIN BOY WOULD EVER TEXT ME AND SHE SENT A TEXT SAYING WILL YOU EVER TEXT ME TO HIM. My funeral will be held at 8 PM this Thursday. - nowonimportant
Internet liars love Eminem.My cab driver had "My Life" by 50 Cent and Eminem on and asked me if I wanted him to change it to country... I responded by rapping the rest of the song word for word. - thepregnantechidna
What time is it? Catcall time.I'm walking downtown and I pass a group of guys staring at me and I think "great, catcall time" but then one guy goes "you look like you could kill a man a million different ways with just your bare hands." This. This is an acceptable comment to give a girl on the street. - ragdesh
Who authorized that? The superintendent?My high school had such a large population of emos that when My Chemical Romance broke up they announced it via the PA and offered extra counseling that day. - Cryawn
They ignored the other five couples also running away.I went to a restaurant. It was full, no place to sit. I took out my mobile, placed it to my ear, and said loudly, "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else." Six couples ran away. - Snek00
A killer... with a heart of gold.One time I was hooking up with this guy and he wanted to try handcuff play. I was like "sure, I've never done it. Why not?" So we are doing stuff and I'm handcuffed and then he stops, and just kinda looks at me. He then gets his keys and uncuffs me and I ask him what's wrong. He tells me I'm too pretty to die and tells me to get out of his house and then blocks me and I'm still kinda freaked out about it years later. - Doll_ita
United States Canada Mexico Panema Haiti Jamaican Peru...
via: RedditOkay so I'm in 9th grade and my geography teacher said if anyone can memorize this we get a pizza party... Let's just say we had pizza. Because of meh!!!! - ConsulScrub