What event is more stressful than a wedding? The answer This is the bride and groom’s day — their one big day — to get everything right; to throw a massive, unforgettable party for everyone who’s ever mattered to them in their entire lives; to embark on a new chapter in their shared story that has to go perfect or risk being seen forever by every guest in attendance as a harbinger of the inevitable divorce.
Also you have to get the seating chart right, and that’s just such a headache.
And now Jimmy Fallon is holding up a magnifying glass on the worst moments of the best days of these couples’ lives. The Tonight Show host asked Twitter to send him their most jaw-dropping #WeddingFail moments, and as it so often is when any celebrity is crowd-sourcing silly-yet-cringe-inducing experiences, the internet showed up for it.
Like a wedding DJ, Jimmy Fallon called everyone out onto the dance floor with this tweet.
Turns out, the internet has tons of weird and wild wedding stories.
Are some of them dark? Yeah, a little. But don’t worry, we’re balancing them out with stories about groomsmen splitting their pants to keep it from getting too heavy.
Most grandmothers give advice right before the bride walks down the aisle. “Never go to bed angry”-sort of stuff.
But this grandmother? She wanted to let her granddaughter know her eternal soul was doomed.
If grandma really wanted to save her soul, she could’ve at least said something at the rehearsal dinner.
Between the nice shoes and the expertly-polished cathedral floors, slipping at weddings is pretty common.
What’s not so common? Slipping during you and your wife’s grand entrance, and locking eyes mid-air.
The bride here look like she’s simultaneously shocked, annoyed, and impressed.
Another wedding, another affable stumble. But this time? The bride looks like she was thrown on the ground.
But before you start thinking it was intentional, the groom noticed what he’s done and gets right down on the ground with you.
Tossing you onto the ground and hopping right back down to be with you — ladies, get you a man who can do both.
Listen, you give a dad — any dad — a hot mic, and you’re putting yourself at risk to hear some pretty off-color things.
But to be this cruel? This personal? That takes a special kind of dad awfulness.
At least his speech didn’t drone on like my dad’s did at my wedding. He could not shut up about what a mistake I was making! It’s like, wrap it up, old man! We got an open abr to get to!
This is the happiest day of this groom’s life — no one’s faulting him for dancing his heart out.
But you just can’t be so excited you go around breaking reception hall floors.
How do you think the next group to rent that reception hall are going to feel? Some little girl’s best friend is going to fall into a hole in the ground, and it’s going to ruin her quinceañera.
No one’s going to call out a groom for looking weird on his wedding day.
But the pictures capturing this face? They gotta go. This face cannot be seen.
If his wife just has to put up pictures of her wedding in the house, she better invest in some stickers to cover up his face.
What’s more exciting than learning a new trick? I remember when I learned how to kip-up off the ground, I showed all my friends for weeks.
But maybe, when a trick is new, don’t bust it out in front of literally everyone you know and care about?
Also, when I read the description saying “the crowd energy fave him too much confidence,” I thought FOR SURE he was going to kiss that bridesmaid.
You can’t hold it against someone for fainting before the ceremony.
But you can hold it against her for sitting in a chair on stage during the ceremony.
That’s a real Queen of England-sort of move. You’ll have people going “oh, wonder why she’s sitting? She must be royalty,” and anything — anything — that pulls attention from the bride on the wedding day is a grievous sin.
As a guy who grew up loving pro wrestling, I have a secret to share with you.
If you ever carry someone, or hold them up, or come in close physical proximity to anyone — the urge to give them a suplex is powerful.
Looks like this guy just succumbed to the suplex urge on his wedding day.
To be sure, this is a huge mistake by the uncle (even if it’s the kind of story that the rest of the family will laugh about in the future).
But what does him being blind have to do with anything? Do blind people forget to turn off their alarms more often?
I mean, he didn’t have any problem turning it on.
What a great picture. It really captures the sister’s brief-but-overwhelming terror.
And the fact that the original poster didn’t cal this a “fall” makes me think that she too is being body-slammed.
Maybe that bridesmaid was a pro wrestling fan too?
I want to know just how many pictures this girl photobombed. Then we can accurately determine if it was really accidental or attention-seeking behavior.
Because when a little kid keeps touching a stove, at some point you have to stop blaming the stove and start blaming the hand.
(I’d put the number at four myself. Four photo-bombs, normal. Five? Someone has to say “today isn’t about you.”)
How long is this dance? And how long did they book the reception hall?
Because if they only booked 40 minutes at the reception hall, that’s on the couple for not adding in any time for surprises.
If this was an hour-long dance, it is the greatest wedding crime in the history of matrimony.
What makes this so upsetting is who did the burning.
A plus-one? A G-D plus-one?!
When you’re a plus-one at a wedding your only job is to not ruin the wedding. Just smile and eat some cake! Do not, under any circumstances physically harm the bride.
I hope the Best Man had the presence of mind to grab the mic and say, “We’re saving all of you the calories!”
Based on the resigned looks of the couple, though, I have to guess these folks had the right temperament for this sort of disappointment.
The reception was hot.
So not only was the sister okay, but the DJ made a fun nod to it in a way that got people out on the dance floor?
And they think that’s a #WeddingFail?
I could not disagree more. It sounds to me more like a #WeddingRollWithThePunches.
Has there ever been a dissection of “Cotton-Eyed Joe”? There is something sinister about that song.
Where did you come from? Where did you go?
What is your agenda, Cotton-Eyed Joe?
If there was one person at that wedding — just one — who thought, “You knwo what? I want the Lord to shine his light upon me. I’m gonna go get a recycling bin”?
Well then, it’d all be worth it.
I do take one issue with this story, though. And it’s not the part you might think.
There is no way he just “blurted” that line out. That bad boy was crafted, planned, honed.
That line was not blurted out. It was expertly-deployed.
A lot of these stories are cute little tings that went a tiny bit wrong on someone’s wedding day that the rest of the family will lovingly tell at get-togethers for decades.
This story? This story is about a monster.
Who goes up for his Best Man speech and just roasts the groom’s sexual prowess? That’s about the meanest thing I can imagine.
It is very fun to think about being at a wedding, eating great food, drinking, and dancing.
And then, after al of that, you hear “And now, here’s my friend to tell a bunch of dad jokes”? That would be incredible!
I’m sorry the audience wasn’t receptive. That’s on them, not the dad joke-based comedian.
To be fair to this bride, we do use the word “infidelity” way more than we do “fidelity.”
That said, I would love an update to this story. We need to know if it was a simple slip of the tongue, o something deeper.
(My guess is slip of the tongue, but my catty side wants to hear a bunch of scandalous details.)
I suppose it’s better to have the cake groom run off and get the ol’ goodbye wave from his cake bride.
I was at a wedding once where the groom really did run off, and my aunt tried to lighten the mood by saying, “At least the cake groom is still here! They seem happy.”
It didn’t work.
If I can come to this dad’s defense here for a second, it can be very difficult to write wedding speeches.
But there is a list of subjects to avoid: drunken adventures, crimes, the worst thing the bride ever did to you, etcetera.
And at the top of that list? The night you had sex to make the person you’re talking about.
Okay, so a bridesmaid made a slight error and didn’t wear underwear for her speech. Fine.
But to call it out in front of everyone? That’s a low blow.
This is the sort of incident that everyone notices and simply decides to never speak a word of ever for the rest of their lives.
First of all, I think grandma could’ve made it work if she still wanted to dance. Just tie a sweater around your waist.
But second of all? A lot of people smell something burning when they’re having a stroke.
All I’m saying is, there’s a non-zero chance this grandma was relieved to find there really was something on fire.
Any other day, it would’ve been hilarious to move a chair at the last minute as someone goes to sit down.
But on their wedding day? Not cool.
Although, it did give the bride a chance to swing a steel chair at his head. (Lot of folks secretly into pro wrestling in these stories, huh?)
Being asked to officiate someone’s wedding is a huge honor. It means the couple trusts you enough to tell their story on the day its most important chapter is written.
But if it’s impacting the reverend’s health? That might be an indicator that they worked too hard on their sermon.
(Which, incidentally, is kind of a testament to how seriously they took the officiating gig.)
Whether it’s raining, overwhelmingly hot, or, yeah, a day full of seagulls, I always think everyone should get married indoors.
But we really can’t blame these seagulls. They realized that the wedding day is a big event for the mother of the bride too.
She deserves a little gift as well.
Most photographers would just throw out the photo. But this photographer? They went above and beyond.
Saving this woman’s confetti picture is but one of the many blessings bestowed upon us by the miracle that is Photoshop.
It’s one thing to be concerned about who your child’s chosen for a partner and to voice those concerns respectfully.
It’s another thing to wait until they’re so confident with the decision they’ve organized a whole wedding and then to make grand, crummy gesture like handing over the car keys.
Not cool, dad.
I do so love the idea of a bridal party sitting down for a big breakfast the day of the wedding.
But the only thing they serve is bacon. Just plates and plates, brimming with bacon.
Also, consider avoiding the microphone altogether on what begins as the most stressful day of your life.
When considering locations for her wedding, this bride could’ve maybe thought ti through a tiny bit more.
Three-year-olds hate traveling. Just getting through the airport is stressful.
And they can never find a decent cup of coffee!
This is the adult, marriage version of the dream where you show up for a test for which you haven’t studied.
And it’s a bad dream for a reason.
How is this poor person supposed to explain to their friend why they skipped their wedding? It’s not like they can run it again for her real quick.
If just a teen driver smashed into the church, or just the guests all got diarrhea from your catering, I’d say it was bad luck.
But for both of them to happen? That’s more than a disaster.
That’s a sign.
People getting names wrong consistently is always funny to me. They come off so confident, and therefore so ridiculous.
But to get someone’s name wrong so badly? That’s a whole new level of screw-up.
Catherine doesn’t even sound like Farie.
Haha, wow! What a dummy! She didn’t know you need two witnesses to sign before you’re legally married! Hahaha!
(I literally learned just now that you need two witnesses to sign before you’re legally married.)
We have to believe he legitimately knew this woman wasn’t right for his best friend.
And furthermore, we have to believe that that understanding meant the best man and the bride were more compatible than the bride and the groom.
We have to believe this is on the up and up.
Because I would hate it if he was like the guy in Love Actually who wanted his friend’s girl and waited until the wedding day to throw a Hail Mary.
With all the bridesmaids and unhappy uncles constantly pestering them, wedding bartenders have a tough gig.
But still, they have to make sure they’re not getting little baby children drunk off their asses. That’s just got to be a deal-breaker.
But don’t worry! This story has a happy ending! the bartender is now in jail.
It’s easy to forget that the whole point of being a groomsman is to act as a legal witness to the marriage.
And you can’t witness a marriage if you’re passed out.
That issue was decided by the courts a long time ago.
Sure, all these grandmas committed the fashion faux-pas that is wearing the same items as someone else at a wedding.
But can we take a minute to acknowledge that there’s a reason they all chose it?
Between the lacy top, the mid-shin-length skirt, and the easy-to-match-with-shoes color, this dress is peak-grandma dress.
What a helpful bunch of chemical engineers! It’s so nice that they were there.
But don’t get too high on them — it’s well known that chemical engineers go to weddings to simply be recruiters.
Every bride forgets her bouquet. That’s totally normal.
But why is this adult man wearing a Minions bandaid in his wedding photo? That’s my big question.
When I wear a minions bandaid — and I do, often — I am constantly thinking about it, and rip it off if there’s even a hint of discussion about taking a group picture.
Sure, a cute kid can sing “Happy Birthday” during a wedding, and everyone loves it.
But I can’t play Kendrick’s “The Blacker The Berry” out of my iPhone speakers at my nephew’s baptism without getting yelled at?
Life’s unfair, man.
Every married couple goes through struggles, so you have to respect these guys’ stick-to-itiveness.
But maybe — and this is just a pitch — once the first and second lighter start a blaze, don’t light the third?
But hey guys, ultimately I’m on board with however many fires you want to start. It’s your special day.
Saving money is the ultimate dad move. Why spend thousands on a gourmet meal when you can throw some hot dogs on the grill?
You can save even more money if you ask the guest to bring their own condiments!
“Mom’s getting married? I must be with her! Little sisters be damned!”
This is not the kid’s fault. Who thought it was a good idea to have a little brother pull his baby sister up the aisle? That’s a long walk for a little boy.
You can’t expect him to hold his attention on anything for that long. Thank god no one was playing Nintendo 3DS in an aisle seat, or he would’ve been locked in on that for the rest of the ceremony.
Wow, that car was not about a wedding that day.
And it ate his jacket?
I guess this is what you get when you drive to your aunt’s wedding in Stephen King’s Christine.
An open grave?
I must have read this wrong. It has to be a typo.
No one gets married anywhere near an open grave, right?
My goth friend Helena got married with a bouquet of black roses and released bats instead of doves after they said their vows, and even she was like, “Keep my wedding away from a graveyard.”
The day you get married is the day you’re supposed to stop getting ghosted.
Now this story is simply frustrating. I hope Jimmy fallon gets on The Case of the Missing Wedding Photographer.
This is the exact kind of mysterious storyline The Tonight Show needs. I kind feel like it’s been dragging this season.
Although, if I’m being honest, The Tonight Show hasn’t been great since season 62.
When I spoke at my best friend’s wedding a year or so ago, I was pulled aside by the wedding planner and asked to keep it tight, because everyone else’s speeches were going very wrong.
Now, I hadn’t really prepped and spoke extemporaneously, so yeah, I too went a little long.
The point is, I still feel bad about that. Everyone giving a speech at this wedding here is a sociopath.
If a wedding bartender’s number one job is not getting kids drunk as hell, a wedding DJ’s number one job has to be not making the bride embarrassed as hell.
But don’t worry! This story has a happy ending! The father and daughter did not get it on.
All right, so Skeltor’s at your wedding. Weird, but okay.
But former WWE Champion and hardcore legend Mick Foley just happens to be there, ready to apply his signature move, Mr. Socko?
It’s too weird. At this point you’ve got to just send everyone home, pack it all in, and try again next weekend.
Look folks, it’s a wedding! A lot goes into planning it! Some things are going to fall through the cracks!
And sometimes, one of those things is your wife.
But don’t worry! This story has a happy ending! Shortly after writing this tweet to Jimmy Fallon, this man’s wife hit him with her car.
There are simple explanations for most of the wedding fails listed here — horny people get wrapped up in the idea of love and can’t control themselves.
The uncle/ officiant is miffed about his niece changing her last name since it’s probably his last name too.
But how does a DJ throw the bouquet without the bride? Like, who throws it? A ghost?
Who hasn’t scrambled last-minute for a gift?
But, I don’t know if it’s a great idea to give an ex a box of memories in front of his new wife.
But don’t worry! This story has a happy ending! The bride burned the box in front of the ex and the entire crowd cheered.
Okay, this one is a little cringe-worthy, but remember — it’s tough to make it in the music biz.
We shouldn’t shame someone for making the best of an opportunity to perform!
Bruno Mars might’ve been in attendance at that wedding.
Aw, this new step-dad wanted to let his new wife’s daughter know she was cared about and that she had a place in the new family.
What a touching gesture! If only he’d double-checked to see if she already had a necklace.
Hopefully he saved the gift receipt.
But don’t worry! This story has a happy ending! Now she’s divorced.