These Jokes About Getting Older Are Pretty Much the Only Good Thing About Getting Older

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When you’re a kid, growing up seems like one of the best things ever. You can buy ice cream whenever you want! You have your very own money! You can stay up late and watch TV until the wee hours of the morning and not get in trouble!

But as you get older, the harsh truths behind those “benefits” start to make themselves know. Yes, you can buy ice cream whenever you want…but it might mean an extra visit to the gym (or an extra pound on your increasingly achy body). You have your very own money…but most of it goes toward paying bills. You can stay up late and watch TV until 2 am…but you will definitely regret it.

While there are definitely enjoyable aspects of growing up, you may start to wonder whether the pros truly outweigh the cons. If you do, these tweets are for you.

A little less noise there!

And as for things that fall into under the category of “unnecessary noise,” well, it’s pretty much all noise. Too quiet? No such thing.

Such a dilemma!

I think I might have skipped this level of adulthood and gone straight to “not wanting to be invited.” Please. Just let me sleep.

This one stung:

Hey! It’s a little too early in the morning for an existential crisis. Save it for the weekend.

Responsibilities are such a drag.

Every morning, I make a list of all the things I have to do that day. And every evening, I pretend to be surprised that I’ve only completed about 75 percent of them.

Why do they even call it a dishwasher?

There’s nothing more disappointing than psyching yourself up to unload the dishwasher and finding that the dishwasher has only done 70 percent of its job. I’m the only one around here who gets to do that!

This is a miracle.

I recently moved into a place that has a washer and dryer in the unit and let me just tell you — not a day has gone by that I have taken that thing for granted.

That ice cream you buy might also hurt your teeth.

You understand that going to the dentist is a very important thing that should be done regularly. But you also just…don’t want to do it.

It can go either way.

The best part is that eventually, you get to the point where you don’t really care either way. I remember being a teenager and not believing I’d ever get to the point where I didn’t care what people thought of me. But I definitely did. I live there now.

This is always tough.

Sometimes I actually make the dinner I had planned. Sometimes I give in and order delivery. And sometimes I just have some sleep for dinner.

Big money!

This is when you splurge on the name-brand peanut butter. Look at you! Living the high life!

Is this the new normal?

I’d say that about 20 percent of my time is spent Googling various symptoms and finding out that I’m not sick; I’m just old.

What were we thinking?

Every time I see a sleeping child, I can’t help but shake my head and mutter under my breath about how lucky they are.


Do you ever find yourself in a room full of adults and realize that you are also one of the grown-ups? It’s an unsettling feeling.

Time to invest in painkillers!

I try to live my life in a way that makes it so I’m never more than 50 feet away from a bottle of Tylenol. It has served me well.


I recently got new wiper blades and have been so excited every time I see rain in the forecast. Which I watch on the news. Because I do that now.

This so much.

This speaks to me on such a deep level. How is it that everyone just HAS RUGS in their homes? Do they not realize they cost literally hundreds of dollars? Sometimes THOUSANDS?!

Stop spying on me.

If you don’t start your morning like this, congrats! You are still young. Enjoy it while it lasts. Take a nap, maybe.

It’s actually kind of embarrassing.

I remember thinking this was so weird when I was little. Now I can’t help myself. It makes me feel alive. But also slightly more dead.

Turn it down!

I swear I’ve come so close to talking about “kids these days” and their loud music and loud TVs. I don’t have a lawn, but if I did, I’m sure I’d be telling those whippersnappers to get off of it.

This is so sad.

New socks are pretty good, though. (Also, I have definitely spent $140 in the Lego aisle as an adult and it is honestly the best thing ever.)

It me.

So many adults fluctuate between saying, “Treat yo’self!” and also “Omg I am so broke how did this happen I have no money for food now.”

This is some next-level cookery.

I’ve never had an oven-baked Pizza Roll. I guess I know what I’m doing for lunch.

Such a good excuse, though.

No one can argue with that. It’s the perfect “get out of social event free” card.

Why is this so true?

I don’t know who this person is but I do not appreciate them breaking into my brain and discovering things about me that even I didn’t realize.

You have also memorized the layout.

I’ve settled for a local Ralph’s, but my midwestern heart will always long for a Meijer. (Or a “Meijers,” if you’re truly Midwestern.)

This makes me uncomfortable.

Hey, uhhhh. One of those is a lion.

Yay! New throw pillows!

Real talk, though: There’s nothing better than walking into your place and having it actually feel like a home instead of a dorm room. Home decor is worth the investment.

This made me giddy:

The only thing better than New Sponge Day is Clean Sheets Day. If they happen on the same day, it’s basically better than your birthday (which is just a reminder that you’re aging, anyway).

I would be so happy.

Appliances are basically like rugs that you plug in. Which is to say that they are very expensive, yet still expected to be in everyone’s home.


I make sounds every time I stand up or sit down now. That’s just my life. Adulting is not for the faint of heart, but these products might help…