Jokes About Taking Kids to the Grocery Store That Will Make You Cry-Laugh | 22 Words

If you are a parent of a small child, or a medium-sized child, or even a large, old child, grocery shopping with them in tow can be harrowing. If they are in a good mood, they constantly ask you if they can get candy and junk food and toys.

If they are in a bad mood, though, they scream that you are a monster for not buying them candy and junk food and toys, and they run through the aisles knocking into people and throwing things off the shelves. They ask inappropriate questions about fellow patrons while they are definitely within earshot. They throw temper tantrums on the floor of the frozen foods aisle because it's too cold there, but they won't listen to you when you tell them they would feel better if they just moved to the baking aisle.

Grocery shopping with children should be an Olympic sport. Only the most talented of parents can withstand the task without needing a very large drink when they return home.

If you're a parent who's ever taken your kids to the grocery store, you probably recognize this feeling:

If only this was a socially acceptable thing to do. But alas, it's not. That's why parents everywhere are tweeting instead.

Staying home

Sometimes, having food to eat isn't even worth the headache of shopping with kids. Starving can't be too bad, can it?

The right threat

I don't know why kids hate the grocery store so much. It's full of food. Food is the best.

Ridiculous

Every parent will understand this. They can't be held responsible for anything they do while they're in the grocery store.

Loudest sound on Earth

It's so true. Do you recognize this: "Mama, why does that man have so many wrinkles on his face and no hair?"?

Hell

Even if you aren't a parent, you can probably imagine how terrible this is. You were probably that cranky toddler at one point.

"Put that back!"

What is it with kids and grabbing random things off the shelves constantly? They're like little kleptos.

Role reversal

This would be an amazing experiment, but then you would definitely end up at home with eight cartons of ice cream, a giant block of cheese, and every potato chip variety.

Narrator

Guys, do you know how hard it is to clean raw eggs off of a tile floor? Spoiler alert: It's very hard.

Self check-out

Here's a hint: If kids want to use the self check-out, make sure you have like, at least three days free. Because that's how long it's going to take.

Pizza

Sometimes I don't have the energy to cook after I go grocery shopping, and I don't even have kids.

Birth control

I don't know what happens to perfectly normal, happy kids when they enter a grocery store, but it's a like a black hole of bad behavior.

Prep time

Moms need to seriously psych themselves up for trips to the grocery store with the kids. Coffee is key.

Hungry toddler

You should never shop when you're hungry because you end up buying things you don't need. You should never shop when your toddler is hungry because then you'll end up crying.

Half a nap

PSA: Half a nap is not enough. In fact, half a nap might be worse than no nap at all.

It's fine

Here is some new for the totally dense: When sometimes repeats that "everything's fine," everything is not fine.

Solidarity

It super sucks when your kid is throwing a fit in the store, but then, when you see that other kid throwing a fit, and you feel very, very, very slightly better.

Gluten

There are people out there with real gluten intolerances and allergies, but if it just makes a kid sleepy, load him up!

Fast and Furious

Oh, but it totally is! Have you seen it? Vin Diesel is just a giant toddler who whines about family the whole time.

Embarrassing

For some reason, grocery trips seem to give kids the superpower of pointing out everything that's wrong with every adult around them.

Toddlers going backward

I wonder how she discovered this. (It's definitely because her toddler was walking backward through the grocery store.)

MVPs

Um, I am mad that this even happens. If you have four kids, there better be at least two adults present for the grocery trip.

"I have to go potty"

The second these words come out of their mouth, a countdown clock has started. It immediately becomes a race to the nearest restroom.

"Yucky"

They have no idea how delicious you are going to make those things with your amazing cooking skills.

Free sample Saturday

Lazy? No way. This is totally genius. Kids love free samples. It's the best thing about the grocery store hands down.

Big kids

Oh, you think kids grow out of being total monsters at the grocery store with their parents? Think again.

Advice

The Babadook is hardly as scary as trying to peacefully remove a screaming child from the seat of a shopping cart.

Impossible

Sometimes it's too hard to find your own terrible kids because everyone else's kids are also being terrible.

Doomsday prepping

Here's the thing though: If you prep for doomsday, then you're more likely to survive it. The silver lining, right?

Vacation

Wow, that really is a vacation. Share this with a parent who knows the struggle!