If you are a parent of a small child, or a medium-sized child, or even a large, old child, grocery shopping with them in tow can be harrowing. If they are in a good mood, they constantly ask you if they can get candy and junk food and toys.
If they are in a bad mood, though, they scream that you are a monster for not buying them candy and junk food and toys, and they run through the aisles knocking into people and throwing things off the shelves. They ask inappropriate questions about fellow patrons while they are definitely within earshot. They throw temper tantrums on the floor of the frozen foods aisle because it's too cold there, but they won't listen to you when you tell them they would feel better if they just moved to the baking aisle.
Grocery shopping with children should be an Olympic sport. Only the most talented of parents can withstand the task without needing a very large drink when they return home.
If you're a parent who's ever taken your kids to the grocery store, you probably recognize this feeling:If only this was a socially acceptable thing to do. But alas, it's not. That's why parents everywhere are tweeting instead.
My favorite part of grocery shopping with kids is staying home and starving instead— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@Salty Mermaid Entertainment)1532968107.0
The right threat
[grocery shopping] Me: Quiet down or we're going straight home. Kids: Yeah! Me: Quiet down or we're staying here forever Kids: *silence*— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1482956216.0
me [giving a press conference after taking the kids to the grocery store] I don't know what the hell happened in there. That was ridiculous— Josh (@Josh)1491865902.0
Loudest sound on Earth
The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue)1522336034.0
If hell exists, it's probably just grocery shopping with a cranky toddler for all of eternity.— Ramblin Mama (@Ramblin Mama)1478109643.0
"Put that back!"
Grocery shopping with kids is just saying "put that back!" every 30 seconds until everyone is crying.— Toni Hammer (@Toni Hammer)1484274368.0
My kids wanted to know what it's like to be a Mom so we went grocery shopping & I asked "Can we buy this?" until they cried & took me home.— Sarcastic Mommy (@Sarcastic Mommy)1490017146.0
Me: "Grocery shopping with kids is fun!" Narrator: He lied, cleaning up the eggs his son threw onto the floor of aisle two.— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾)1508887284.0
Kids begged me to let them do self check out at the grocery store & I'm pretty sure our milk will expire before we finish this adventure.— Domestic Goddess (@Domestic Goddess)1499451563.0
Here's to pizza- bc who wants to cook all this healthy food after grocery shopping with babies #momlife #parentlife… https://t.co/ENxyCJJhhq— Becca Forrest (@Becca Forrest)1485317172.0
If you ever wanna have kids, just work at a grocery store and that thought will be killed so quickly— bryn (@bryn)1485296455.0
We took the long way to the grocery store so I could legally strap my kids down and drink one full cup of coffee. #momlife— Amanda Hitz Thompson (@Amanda Hitz Thompson)1485367794.0
Pro tip: the only thing worse than grocery shopping when you're hungry, is shopping when your toddler is hungry. 😳— Mary Sell (@Mary Sell)1485467211.0
Half a nap
Fun fact: Toddlers who have only had half a nap are completely psychotic and should not be taken on outings to the grocery store.— Unfiltered Mama (@Unfiltered Mama)1493594670.0
Get to grocery shop with BOTH my children. It'll be fine. Everything's fine. We're all fine. Nothing to worry about. We're good. It's fine.— Sara Says Stop (@Sara Says Stop)1466484134.0
SolidarityIt super sucks when your kid is throwing a fit in the store, but then, when you see that other kid throwing a fit, and you feel very, very, very slightly better.
*Screaming kid in grocery store. Mom: "He can't have gluten, it makes him sleepy." Me: *Buys him loaf of sourdough.— Derek Richards (@Derek Richards)1549554034.0
Fast and Furious
So The Fast and the Furious isn't about grocery shopping with your toddler?— Meredith (@Meredith)1462206553.0
I love it when my kid loudly asks me things like “why is your butt shaking?” while we’re grocery shopping. Awesome, kiddo!— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist)1516214896.0
Toddlers going backwardI wonder how she discovered this. (It's definitely because her toddler was walking backward through the grocery store.)
MVPsUm, I am mad that this even happens. If you have four kids, there better be at least two adults present for the grocery trip.
"I have to go potty"
The words "I have to go potty" are the last thing I want to hear from my 2yr old as we wait in the checkout line at the grocery store.— Jennifer Borget (@Jennifer Borget)1361841296.0
When you go grocery shopping and your kids says "Yucky" to everything you put in the cart. #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #momlife #groceries— Life in LoveladyLand (@Life in LoveladyLand)1485187725.0
Free sample Saturday
Taking my kids grocery shopping on "free sample Saturday" so I don't have to make them lunch. You say "lazy", I say "genius".— Momma of Midgard (@Momma of Midgard)1393086306.0
Shopping in the grocery store, in the frozen area and my son (he's 17 years old) decides to go full 4-year-old and… https://t.co/MryHR6WhAk— Diana Browder Owens (@Diana Browder Owens)1549731097.0
The advice I'd give five-year-old me is forget the bogeyman, plan and prepare yourself for surviving grocery shopping trips with kids.— Mike Reynolds (@Mike Reynolds)1488123788.0
All of these screaming kids in this grocery store are making it impossible for me to find my own kids and husband.— Jennifer S. White (@Jennifer S. White)1517682369.0
Having a baby is pretty cool if you like doomsday prepping for a 5 minute trip to the grocery store.— mark (@mark)1460081715.0
At the grocery store without my kids. In case anyone asks if I took a vacation this summer.— The 21st Century SAHM (@The 21st Century SAHM)1438446132.0