These Tweets Will Make You Feel Normal for Googling Health Symptoms | 22 Words

Look, I know I am not a doctor. But when something is wrong with me, I want to know what it is as fast as possible. So I do what so many others do, and what we should definitely not do: I google it. Whether I have a sinus headache or a fever or a sharp pain in my hand, WebMD and Google give me the same responses. I either have a cold or I am rapidly dying of a rare disease that only 10 people have ever had.

And like I said before, I am not a doctor, so I don't know which diagnosis to believe! It is easy to work yourself up into a total panic when you are sick and make it out in your head to be something much worse than what it is. We all do it. It has become sort of a time-honored tradition among users of the internet. If you are not googling your symptoms, what are you doing? Making an appointment with a real doctor like some kind of adult or something?

Ryan Reynolds knows what I'm talking about.

Being a celebrity does not protect you from the psychological damage caused by WebMD. It makes you think you have a terminal illness like, 90 percent of the time.

$40 a month

See? This is a pretty good deal. If you never go to a real doctor, they can't tell you if something is actually wrong, so you can just spend all your time on imaginary worries!

Eminem

Seriously, he probably needs to get that checked out. If he's rapping about real symptoms, that is.

Skipping steps

It is 2019. I don't have time to call a doctor, wait for my appointment to roll around, and then find out what's wrong. I need answers now, even if they're wrong and make everything worse.

Hi!

WebMD wastes no time with formalities. You got a headache? Probably brain cancer. Sorry not sorry.

Every search result

This is so true. There should be a huge disclaimer on WebMD that says, "You are freaking out. Stop freaking out and go to an actual doctor. This is not the same thing as going to the doctor."

Phantom symptoms

"Oh man, I don't think my chest hurt before but maybe it does now... It definitely does now. That's bad."

One tiny google

Doctors are smart. They know when you have googled something and think you know what's wrong when you walk in the door.

Already dead

WebMD can be so dramatic sometimes. If you are reading WebMD, you are not already dead. Maybe they should add that to the disclaimer.

Bedtime

Ah yes, bedtime. One of the most classic times of day to start freaking out about everything that's happening in your life/body.

Accepting your death

Accepting your death seems to be the first step when you google your own symptoms. Then, you can move on to learning what you actually have.

Currently dying

It's amazing how many times I've googled my symptoms, been like, "Welp, guess I'm dying," and then just like, went to work and stuff.

Cough pregnancy

According to WebMD, no matter what symptoms you have, there are only two options: cancer or pregnancy.

Pro tip

If you think you're dying, suddenly you start thinking about what your funeral will be like, who will make a speech, what songs will play...

WebMD Oprah

WebMD really is like the reverse Oprah. It shouts out that you suddenly have terrible things with abandon.

More anxiety

Psh, googling my symptoms doesn't give me anxiety. It merely tells me that I have a disease I couldn't have gotten because I haven't traveled to a remote island in the last year...or ever.

Jaw cancer

There is no shortage of sensational and super rare news stories that come up every single time you google your own symptoms.

Sneezing

Pretty soon, you'll sneeze so hard the baby will shoot out of you and then you'll have a whole other life to take care of!

Gary Busey

I'm so sorry. No one has ever recovered from having Gary Busey. This must be a huge blow to you and your family.

Old advice

Clearly, the epidemic of people researching their symptoms is not a new one. Glad to know we've all been anxious wrecks since the beginning of time!

New slogan

This should 100 percent be WebMD's new slogan. Although, the sarcasm might be lost on some people...

A ghost

Hm, according to WebMD, I am a ghost who is haunting this mortal plane. Oh well!

Six minutes

It doesn't take long at all for Google or WebMD to convince you that you're dying. That's its power.

Self-diagnosing

Have you ever been to the doctor and been like, "I know what I have. It's this, I have three weeks to live, goodbye cruel world" and the doctor is like, 'Take some Advil. You'll be fine"? Yeah, me neither.

Supportive friends

Leave it to your friends to think you are ridiculous for indulging WebMD. They'll be sorry when one day, you really are sick!

Mocking Spongebob

WebMD is cruel because it's always like, "It could be nothing serious. Or it could be the most serious thing in the world."

Don't do it

I spend a good amount of time trying to convince myself not to google it when I feel something weird in my body. I lose that battle with myself pretty much every single time.

Meteor strike

I knew WebMD could diagnose your symptoms, but I was not aware that it could predict meteor strikes. It can really do anything.

Raisin elbow

Oh no, you have raisin elbow? That's extremely serious. I am so sorry. No one comes back from raisin elbow.

Your last

Thanks for nothing, WebMD. You're terrible. Share this with someone who googles their symptoms even when you tell them to stop!