Kids say the darndest things, don’t they? It’s hard not to be charmed by the naive honesty of children. Sure, sometimes they can make you look like a fool, like when they ask questions that you couldn’t possibly know the answers to or force you to do math in public. I’m dreading the day when my son will find out that I don’t, in fact, have the answers to everything. I should really start studying my geography now to prepare.
Since kids have no filter whatsoever, they tend to reveal information that they might think of as being no big deal when, in reality, it reveals WAY too much about their parents’ personal lives. This results in some seriously awkward moments for parents and hilarity for the people around them. Keep scrolling to read some of the best examples of kids embarrassing their Moms and Dads.
Also, that last kid is a total narc. A word of advice: never try to pull a fast one with a tiny truth-teller around.
If you like reading about kids embarrassing their parents, this is the article for you. Although it might make you re-think procreating.
“First two examples: ‘Getting divorced!’ and ‘Resuscitating someone after drowning!'”-AbigailNormal
“‘Mommy says she’s a slug.'”-DrownEmTide
“For some reason, they brought in a bunch of drug paraphernalia to show kids what kind of things to avoid. An officer held up a piece and goes, ‘This here is a crack pipe.’ Then one of the kids shouted out, ‘Hey, my dad has one of those!’ -[deleted]
“We didn’t finish the book.” –Platypus_Delta
“His stick-figure had a flashlight, and his father had a gun. He had the teacher write at the bottom, ‘I hold the flashlight while my daddy shoots the deer’.
for those of you who don’t live in Appalachia, shining a flashlight in a deer’s eyes immobilizes them and is illegal.”–Dangerous_Kitten
“… that his mommy and daddy would have friends over and pass around a cigarette to each other.” – DinosaurTheFrog
“… if it was normal for adults to wrestle every night before going to bed.” – 55thParallel
“When he was five, his teacher was telling the class about her dog, who she had to put down. A little later the kids were cutting out pictures from magazines for some project, when my brother walked over to the teacher with a picture of a wine glass he had cut out. He handed it to her, saying, ‘Sorry about your dog.'” – SingForMeBitches
“So the teacher takes her out to the hall and says, “We heard you call someone a bad word. Now what did you say?” The kid says, ‘Was it really bad?’ The teacher: ‘Yes, very bad.’ The kid: ‘Well, it must have been motherf*cker.'” – jonnyappleweed
“One of the little boys described the details of his parents swinging lifestyle with another family in the town who had a few kids of their own. (he was blissfully ignorant of exactly what he was describing)
Apparently out of the 5 kids total between the families (3 / 2 split) no one is really sure who is who’s father. So they all are the other family’s ‘half brothers and sisters’.
After revealing all of this to the class his ‘half-sister’ who is in the same class says ‘You weren’t supposed to tell anyone!'” – Not_Pictured
“To demonstrate, he pretended to drink from a bottle, loudly said, ‘glug, glug, glug” then fell over backwards. My step-dad isn’t at all an alcoholic and hardly ever drinks at all, especially not at home.” – I_like_milk_and_cake
“They were maybe four or five, and suddenly she shouts at him while he’s inside the car ‘YOU’RE DRIVING IT WRONG, WOMAN!’ I’m guessing she picked up the exact phrase from her dad.”
“When we asked him to stop, he stood up, and smeared it on his face, like battle paint. He proceeds to shout, ‘MY DADDY SAYS IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU LOOK NICE AS LONG AS YOU LOOK LIKE A BADASS.’ The kid was seven.” – grizbo
“Most were what you’d expect like Christmas trees, Thanksgiving dinners, and so on. Then I called on one more little guy who said, ‘Sometimes my dad dresses up in a bear costume and chases my mom around the house.’ It was hard to not laugh…” – grizbo
“One day, the dad comes home after a late shift, and just sort of leaves his gear, handcuffs included, on the counter, before stumbling off to bed. The son gets ready for school, and decides to bring the handcuffs for show and tell.
After school, the teacher takes the mother aside, telling the mom to “hide their bedroom toys better,” because it’s inappropriate for their son to find them and bring them to school. The mother replies that her husband is a cop, and those are his service issued cuffs. She never got any flack from that teacher again.” – ipear
“When the teacher politely refused, she said, ‘fine, I’ll just have a cappuccino then.'” – 27jennifers
“One day while we were waiting for the bus she said to me, ‘My mom has an egg in her belly. Not like a crickle-crack egg… a HUMAN egg!'” – lumpyprincess
“Everyone in the class raised their hand. Right after, a little boy asked me “Will you marry my dad?” That said many things, right there.” – psychgirl88
“A 10-year-old boy revealed that his mother has him wear an apron at meal times.” – elusivemoniker
“One day, the child was playing house with some of the other children. She grabbed a box and started throwing things in it as she announced to everyone, ‘Rent’s due, time to move!'” – audhepcat
“So she asks me, ‘What is your mommy’s name?’ to which I reply, ‘Mommy….’ Obviously not the answer she was looking for, she says, ‘No, I mean what does your daddy call her?’ My response? ‘STUPID!'” – Simaries
“Sister told the class, ‘all my daddy eats is chicken and beer.'” – bingz
“I had one student who would report that he saw a new movie over opening weekend ‘on dad’s computer!'” – VotumSeparatum
“They get pulled over, and the cop, sensing something was amiss, asked my friend’s mother to say the alphabet backwards. Cue best friend yelling from the back seat ‘MOMMY CAN’T EVEN DO THAT SOBER!'” – [account deleted]
“Then he told us that that’s what his dad says to his mom. All of the other kids started saying, ‘Shut up sexy woman!’ to everyone too. Me and the other counselor kind of died a little from laughing.” – pandasarec00l143
“All the other kids in my small kindergarten whose parents actually were divorced and their dads only visited their dads on weekends. My teacher nearly pissed herself laughing trying to tell my mother.” – Cartersdaddy
“We were talking about professions. I went around the room asking children what their parents do for a living, and Carlota says:
My mom goes to shoe stores and steals boots.
‘Erm…well…that’s not exactly what I’m talking about. What does your dad do?’
‘He lies on the couch and drinks beer.’
‘…so, Eugenia, what do your parents do?'” – chavalin
“My brother drew a woman dancing with money around her. His description of the drawing was ‘My mom dances and people give her money.'” – MiniDonbeE
“We had a new girl from another country who was about four and still learning English. The only phrase she knew was ‘that’s cute’ which the other kids quickly picked up on. I caught them one day telling her that her parents were dead only to crack up when she responded by saying ‘that’s cute.'” – applemint
“We were playing with airplane Legos. So he starts fake shooting at the plane and says ‘I’ve gotta kill the bastards.'” – Jacougar
“… because the guys on TV playing with the ball lost and my dad punched the wall because he lost money.” – jmmyjms85
“I neglected to mention that it was a business trip and that Sarah’s father had gone too.” – strawberrybluecat
“The principle called our house a few minutes later to check and guess who picked up the phone? Also, guess who got to go home early that day?” – imagirl_umadbro
“It’s going normal until one girl says. ‘Hi, my name’s Sarah and I like watching my parents make jewelry through the hole in my wall.’ At age 15 I could help but break out laughing.” – NasimJ
“She was telling me about how they weren’t going to make it to the meet the next day and that they still had a bunch of stuff to do before the guests they were hosting that evening came over. Her six year old daughter proceeded to then tell us, ‘the jello for the adults has alcohol in it!’ Her mom just laughed it off.” – thisishayden
“The two adults were doing some serious snogging outside (a**-grabbing included) in full view of my class. I went up to them and asked them politely to knock it off. The daughter then says out loud, ‘But Miss A, at least they aren’t naked this time!'”–
“He was enrolled in a graduate program in psychology. I’d sit at or under the desks and color. One day, they were discussing spanking. My dad announced to the class, ‘I don’t spank my daughter.’
From the back of the room, little me sing-songed, ‘OH YES YOU DO!'”-[deleted]
“The counselor witnessed this, told her she was wrong and asked why she did that. The little girl said, ‘That’s what my mommy does to my daddy before he goes to work.'”-businator
“One kid couldn’t take a shower one morning because his parents were in there.
Another kid said her parents were ‘racing’ in their bed.”–valhallaswyrdo
“Then one boy, without looking up from his work, says ‘My daddy pretended to be a doctor. He got in trouble.'”–puscatcomehere
“This one boy goes, ‘My mum has a penis, too’ and we are going, ‘Oh no sweetie she doesn’t’ but he insists and it starts becoming uncomfortable. After a while he says, ‘My mum HAS a penis, only it is not attached to her body, she keeps it in the drawer by the bed.’
Kids-logic is so precious.”–hownicetomeetyou
“‘(Mom is yelling another language on the phone) ‘Oh gosh…my mom just told my grandma she’s going to slap her in the face.’-[deleted]
“‘My Daddy used to be 43, but then he had an operation to become younger, so I don’t know how old he is anymore.’
I had to leave the room because I was laughing so much.'”–[deleted]
“Having been raised with manners, I tapped the lady on the back and said we were meant to be in front of her because we were waiting. She got snotty with my mother and I got annoyed, telling her that my mother was a smart lady.
When she asked how she was so smart, I proudly exclaimed, ‘She can take her teeth out to brush them!'”-MachineryofTorture
“She was very distraught and said, ‘Daddy was bringing it outside to bury it, and dropped it….and then Mommy accidentally kicked it and it hit a wall.’
It took everything in my power not to burst out laughing at such a visual.”
“And then my mother decided to try to be funny and say, ‘and lots of underwear, you know how moms love to pack underwear,’ to which I responded ‘but Mommy, you don’t wear any underwear!’
My mom practically ran out of there!”-Fabster22
“Apparently, after refusing an instruction given to her and being threatened to call her father, the little girl announced to Sister Katherine with a devilish grin that, ‘My daddy says he’d looOOOoove to see you in a bikini.'”-suprnvachk
“My little cousin has the most country redneck accent you will ever hear and she yells out, ‘We can’t find my Daddy anywhere, so I got me a new one!’
The entire restaurant was in tears from laughing so hard.”-fukyosadface
“‘Hello. My mom is 39!'”-fobbymaster
“If you steal even one Lego from Ms. Jeffanie’s room you’ll go to juvie and they’ll put pepper spray in your eye and it will hurt for a week.”-[deleted]
“Just a week or so ago when we were talking about camping and sleepovers, a little girl told me her ‘daddy and mommy (divorced and both married to others) were having a sleepover last night but I don’t think they really slept cause I heard them jumping on the bed.'”–jellylaine
“I’ve heard ‘Can’t I just have 5 minutes to myself?!’ from more than one kid playing house. I’ve also heard, ‘Sometimes mommy drinks daddy’s beer’ and ‘Daddy sleeps on the couch'”.-[deleted]
“Everytime he would pass another kid he would wave his fist in the air and scream ‘Out of my way, asshole!’ I asked him why he would say that, and he told me ‘That’s how Daddy drives.’
I couldn’t help but laugh when I told his mom about it later, but she didn’t seem to think it was very funny.”-Pregosaurus_Rex
“At the end when the parents come and pick them up, he sees his dad and starts crying again, telling his dad that he doesn’t want anything to do with him. His mom comes and gets him, and my friend and I tell her about her son. She was trying SO HARD not to laugh and told us why.
The boy’s dad hit a rabbit on the way to church this morning, and the boy started to cry thinking it was the Easter Bunny.”-MonkeyFlower
“It was a poorly made hemp bracelet with a pot leaf medallion on it. He admitted he didn’t know what it meant but thought that maybe it was the Canadian flag.
I was assuring him that it was the Canadian maple leaf when another kid said ‘You can’t wear that! It’s illegal!’
‘How do you know?’
‘I know cause my dad has that on a hat and I asked him if I could wear it and he said, ‘No, it’s illegal'”.-JetPack90
“I informed her that it wasn’t, and immediately her little girl said ‘My mommy loves alcohol!’
The woman turned beet red and kept repeating ‘No, she’s kidding, I really don’t like alcohol that much’ while I did my best not to laugh in her face.”-BananaWorkz
“Afterward all the children were talking about people they knew who smoked. One child said that their father smoked cigarettes that he rolled himself.
To which another 2nd grader responded, ‘That’s pot, you idiot.'”-ConnorLovesCookies
“I then proceeded to jump off the swings even though he repeatedly told me not to, resulting in a broken arm. For a few weeks after that, I would run up to anyone one who would listen and exclaim ‘My daddy did this to me!'”-Princess_hasbeen
“‘My Daddy drank too much at a wedding and drove a car so he can’t drive anymore.’ – 6-year-old girl”–[deleted]
“When talking to the dad about what we could do, his son blurts out ‘Daddy dropped it’.
He didn’t get a new iPad.”–canadian_bluenoser14