It's Pride month, and across the United States, parades have been held in honor of the LGBTQIA+ community. Many of them have been grand, colorful, and for some, emotionally overwhelming. Being yourself means acknowledging, and in some instances, discarding those who don't want you to be yourself.
Sadly, a lot of people have parents who can't accept their kids as they are. But there are other people in the world willing to pick up that parental slack. Howie Dittman is one of those people, and his simple choice of t-shirt — one that reads "Free Dad Hugs" in the kind of big, bold letters you can see from across a parade — ended up meaning a lot to a huge number of people at Pittsburgh's Pride event.
Read on to learn about some of the people Dittman hugged, what it might have meant to them, and how important it is for dads to be there for their kids...
Pride weekend always brings up a lot of feelings for the LGBTQIA+ community and its supporters.We're talking joy, appreciation, and, of course, the titular pride. Pride parades are giant, beautiful explosions of people and emotions, and we couldn't be more glad they happen every year.
But not all of those feelings were positive.In the midst of all the positivity and support that goes on during Pride, it's easy to forget that a celebration of LGBTQIA+ people only has to take place because of the anti-LGBTQIA+ sentiment in this country. Confronting that can lead to some uncomfortable feelings.
Remember, Pride was initially a reaction to anti-gay police actions in San Francisco.
Nearly 50 years later, New York police are apologizing for their oppressive actions during the Stonewall Inn raid,… https://t.co/6a4BEhuvfQ— AJ+ (@AJ+)1559849670.0
But because we live in a society that tells gay people there's something wrong with them...If only the worst thing gay people had to put up with was a frazzled Debra Messing calling them "bad." Unfortunately, the anti-gay sentiment is all too often much, much worse than that.
... Pride is now about celebrating who you are.Today, there are all kinds of people at Pride. And not only is every last one of them welcomed, but they're all actively encouraged to do their thing; to really be themselves.
Your identity.The notion of being your authentic self, and then being seen by other people, is so vital. It's really beautiful that Pride is a place where that can happen for everyone.
But our identities are shaped by the people in our lives.Identities don't just spring up — they're formed by the people in our lives. Poor Anakin Skywalker found that out when he got suckered to the Dark Side by Emperor Palpatine. If he hadn't ever met that evil old dude, Anakin might be volunteering at a galactic soup kitchen to this very day.
There is no greater influence on our identities than our parents.It a parent's job to not only model appropriate behavior to their kids, but also to love them and make them feel special. Otherwise, their kids can grow up to become big ol' balls of anxiety. (Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.)
No matter how hard they try not to, parents screw us up a little.I mean, you know plenty of big ol' balls of anxiety, don't you? that comes from parenting mistakes. But even the most well-adjusted among us have inherited some kind of issue from our parents.
But so long as they're around, there's at least the potential for them to do their job.The one thing a parent absolutely needs to do for their child is show up. And I'm not just talking about for their baseball games — parents have to be present and engaged and really, truly there for their kids.
That's why it's so abhorrent when a parent throws up deuces at their kid and peaces out.The phrase "my dad just stepped out for cigarettes" is now shorthand for "my dad walked out on me." Isn't it nuts that parents abandoning their child is so prevalent that it needed a shorthand? And it's especially awful if that parent bounces because their child is gay.
That leaves a gaping hole in the child's heart.If a parent isn't there for their child, be it literally or even emotionally, that child will try to fill the hole they leave for the rest of their lives.
Those kids need a parent.Whether it comes from a biological influence or a societal one, we all have an inherent need to feel loved and supported by our parents. It's vital to our growth as people.
And that's why what Howie Dittman did this weekend at Pride was so valuable.Some parents are just too caught up in their own emotional messes to be their for their kids, so it's important to have some of that parental slack picked up by other people who care. That's just what Howie Dittman did this past weekend.
Dittman's friend was going to Pittsburgh Pride to offer mom hugs.Going to support the organization Free Mom Hugs, Dittman's friend Denna Hays was off to Pittsburgh Pride to hug anyone who wanted one.
So Dittman decided to join her.Because listen, when your friend tells you they're going to a delightful rainbow parade filled with the funnest gay people in all of Pittsburgh, yeah, you're gonna want to figure out a way to go.
He ordered himself a "Free Dad Hugs" t-shirt...
via: AmazonSpeaking about the event to BuzzFeed News, Dittman said, "I just said, 'well I’m going to go,' and I hopped on Amazon and grabbed a 'free dad hugs' T-shirt."
He maybe thought his shirt would make a few people smile.It sounds like Dittman didn't think his shirt would make much of a blip on the Pride revelers' radars. "I just thought it would put a smile on people’s faces," he said.
But it did a lot more than that.Turns out, getting dad hugs are pretty important. A lot of people, who had maybe gone years without, were craving a dad hug — according to CBS News, Dittman "received over 700 hugs in two and a half hours from individuals at the Pittsburgh Pride parade."
This woman got the first dad hug.In his interview with BuzzFeed News, Dittman said of his first hug, "I turned around and she’s just standing there in front of me with tears in her eyes. She just threw her arms around me and just thanked me over and over and over again."
And then the man was next.
Now, we don't know these people's stories.I almost wish it were these people — those who needed the hugs — who were being interviewed by BuzzFeed. If they were comfortable, sharing those stories of parental neglect/ abuse/ abandonment can be incredibly helpful.
But Dittman was willing to take a guess.Dittman took a crack at articulating the feelings of the folks who were in need of a hug. On his Facebook page, he wrote of that first young woman, "it doesn't feel like a huge leap to assume she's lost those who should love her the most and forever."
Dittman's presence was huge.The fact that there are 700 people who needed a hug, and that so many of them were so moved they broke down in tears, shows that the Free Mom Hugs organization is doing something important.
And not just for those at the parade.When Dittman's post went viral, a number of people reached out on Facebook. “I have been able to connect with the individuals from the particular post," he said to Scary Mommy, "and have heard from many others that hugged me along the way and remembered."
Maybe this post caused some parents to change their minds?It's hard to step into the mind of a parent who would cut out their child, but I wonder if seeing how much other children are hurting could cause some hard-line anti-gay parents to come around?
Because in his post, Dittman says it like it is."Imagine that, parents. Imagine that your child feels SO LOST FROM YOU that they sink into the arms of a complete stranger and sob endlessly just because that stranger is wearing a shirt offering hugs from a dad," Dittman wrote. "Think of the depths of their pain. Try to imagine how deep those cuts must be."
I wonder if there's something about dad hugs specifically?
via: ShutterstockNot long ago, Free Mom Hugs started gaining a little viral traction, but it does feel like Howie Dittman's story has been much bigger, reaching even the front page of Reddit. Why is it that dad hugs are getting so much more attention?