When you take a young child to the doctor's office, you have enough things to worry about already. Not only is your kid sick, but you know that means your other kids will probably be sick soon, too — and if history is any guide, they'll stay sick for about six months because they'll firmly refuse to take any medicine that doesn't taste exactly like magical bubble gum unicorn tears.
On top of that, in the back of your mind you're pretty sure your kid is going to catch some new disease from touching everything in the pediatrician's waiting room...because parents all know that every surface in a pediatrician's waiting room is thoroughly sneeze-coated in plague germs.
The one thing you generally aren't worried about during these visits is the reading material in the waiting room (aside from the fact that it's probably covered in plague germs, too), which is part of why a recent trip to the doctor's office was so shocking for London mom of three, Katherine Peck.
But that's only the beginning of the story.
Last week, Peck had to take one of her kids to the doctor's office.
via: FacebookPeck is a a sex education teacher at a school for special needs students, according to the Mirror. So, maybe it's because her day job has given her a certain comfort level with the subject matter, and maybe it's because parents in waiting rooms will do basically anything to distract their kids from touching plague-infested puzzles and doorknobs until the nurse calls their name, but whatever the reason, Peck didn't bat an eye when her son picked up a book about reproduction and asked her to read it.
The book in question was Mummy Laid an Egg, by award-winning author Babette Cole.
via: FacebookCole, who passed away recently, was known for writing children's books about topics that kids love (but that generally make adults uncomfortable), and filling them with silly and irreverent illustrations. Peck wasn't familiar with Cole's work when she started reading, but she was about to find out exactly how irreverent and silly Cole could be!
Thankfully, she posted the whole story on Facebook.
As she said, it started off pretty normal (if not pretty silly) with the parents making up goofy explanations for how babies are made.
Just add in a little sugar and spice...
via: FacebookBut you knew things were going to take an inappropriate turn when Facebook commenters started calling this spoon into question right off the bat.
I mean...If they thought that was questionable, just wait until the see what else Cole had in store for them.
Because before you know it, you're confronted with an eyeful of Daddy's...seed pods?
via: FacebookPoor Daddy. Or would that be poor Mommy? Either way, that's enough right there to make you question everything you learned in sex ed, or at least question whether or not you should keep reading.
Luckily, Peck read on.She graciously provided photos of the "aerial acrobatics, fetish clown outfits and space hoppers." Oh my!
You can't make this stuff up, people.
via: FacebookBut oh, it gets even crazier.
In case you (and your children) weren't scarred for life yet, here are some drawings of clown sex...
via: FacebookSort of makes the skateboard nookie seem sweet and innocent by comparison, no?
Cue the comments from people tagging their significant others with "new ideas for later, if you know what I mean."
via: Facebook*wink, wink*
While there was ample discussion about the balloons, even more comments focused on that poor Space Hopper.
You didn't expect it to skip over fun stuff like fertilization, did you?!?
At this point a few people broke off to specifically discuss the phrase, "We was robbed."I have much more pressing questions about that illustration though, like, "Where do those rejected sperm think they're going now, exactly? And WHY ARE THEY WEARING BACKPACKS?"
But don't use up all your delightfully horrified indignation (and stifled giggles) yet, because now Mom's knocked up!
via: FacebookA lot of people were pretty ticked off about the mother being described as getting "fatter and fatter."
Though others argued the book was only being realistic.And they didn't stop there...
Moms didn't just relate to the words, but the pictures, too!
While others thought it was an unfair portrayal of pregnant women for reasons other than the use of the word "fatter."
Finally it was time for the birth, which includes just as much WTF-ery as you might imagine.
via: FacebookLots of people (mostly women, not surprisingly) were lightning quick to point out that the baby doesn't exactly just "pop out," all easy peasy.