A bride has recently opened up about how her non-binary sibling would not decide if they wanted to wear a dress or a suit for her wedding and the incident has sparked a debate among people.
Some people claimed it was “rude” of them to put the bride under more stress, while others offered advice on how to deal with the situation.
The comments poured in…
The bride took to Reddit to post on the “Am I An A**hole” section about her dilemma.
She said that there were only 2 months left until her wedding day and her sibling, who happens to be non-binary, has still not picked an outfit they would like to wear.
Obviously, the bride gave them the choice to pick between a dress, a suit, or any other formalwear that they deem comfortable.
But things took a turn after they refused to pick as they “did not know how they would feel on the day.”
And the bride’s frustration may or may not have sparked a debate on gender equality.
There were over 900 comments under the post and some debates got so heated that the admin of the thread had to remove it from the site.
Now, for those of you that aren’t familiar with the concept, being non-binary or agender means that you don’t exclusively identify with any particular gender.
There have been a few definitions to define the terms but being non-binary or and most of them agree with the fundamental idea that it’s an adjective that “relates to a person who does not identify themselves as having a particular gender.”
Vera Papisova at Teen Vogue spoke to Dr. Meredith Chapman, who delved deeper into the concept, explaining there are other terms that could also denote a person’s gender fluidity.
“Genderqueer, non-binary, and gender-nonconforming are some terms used to describe a person whose gender identity does not match with the binary model of gender like man/male/boy or woman/female/girl.”
Chapman continued, also adding that definitions related to gender are constantly evolving.
“A person who is agender sees themselves as neither man nor woman, has no gender identity, or no gender to express. This is an example of someone who may also identify as genderqueer or non-binary. Similar terms to agender include genderless, gender-neutral, and neutrois.”
And so will other aspects of their lives such as the type of clothes they would like to wear on a daily basis.
“Sometimes they dress feminine, sometimes masculine and others in-between the two,” the bride explained.
“I asked if they still wanted to be a bridesmaid and they said they’d rather be a bridesperson which obviously is not a problem.”
“I asked them if they would be wearing a dress, suit, or something else smart but the same color as my friends’ dresses. They said they weren’t sure and they would get back to me.”
While the bride made it perfectly clear that they could wear whatever formalwear they felt comfortable in, she admitted to growing irritated over the fact they couldn’t decide until the big day arrived.
“I only asked three bridesmaids as the wedding is on a budget but I still wanted to pay for their dresses. Now it’s two months until the wedding and they still haven’t decided what they want to wear. I asked today if they had decided because I really have to order the bridesmaid dresses ASAP even though they are premade in the shop as they still need adjustments,” the bride continued to explain.
And the request seems pretty standard…
“I said I’m still buying the dress, suit or whatever else they want to wear but I need to know what it will be. My sibling is insisting they won’t know until on the day whether they want to dress more feminine; a dress, or more masculine; a suit, so I should buy both and I can return whatever one they don’t wear.”
However, even though that would have made everything easier, the place they were ordering the outfits from did not accept returns.
“My sibling thinks I’m being a bridezilla over this because I won’t buy both. I reminded them they can wear something else that is smart and we can even go shopping together for it but they want either a dress or suit,” she said.
They also added this:
“I’m starting to wonder if I’m being an a**hole because I know it can’t be easy for them not knowing how they’ll feel on the day and I don’t want to force them to wear something they aren’t comfortable with but I need to know one way or the other what’s happening.”
What do you think?
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