Being a parent is one of those experiences that you don't understand unless you've lived it. It's a combination of stressful situations, extreme boredom, disgusting clean-up and, thankfully, moments so hilariously bizarre that you remember them for the rest of your life (and endlessly bring them up to your now adult children). One situation that's always chock-filled with hysterical hi-jinks is children getting into trouble and being called to the principal's office. Sure, most of the time it's due to everyday stuff like getting in fights or disobeying a teacher, but sometimes it's for reasons that defy all logic and leave both the educators and the parents completely dumbfounded. The following 30 examples of grade school troublemakers will leave you both completely confused and beside yourself with laughter. It might also give you a flashback to your own childhood malfeasances.
Use #5 as a cautionary tale to always wash your sheets before you use them.
"I was called to collect my son when he was in first grade because 'he was being disrespectful to his classmates.'""They wouldn't explain. My son told me that Jeffrey pantsed him. That makes no sense. About an hour later the light bulb went on. "You didn't wear underwear today, did you?" Nope." -eaterct
"I was called in because the elementary school was going on a field that my son forgot to give me the permission slip for.""He decided to give forgery a whirl. This was in first grade so the handwriting was awful. He also signed my name "Mom"." -mulletamore
"I got a phone call earlier this year from the school nurse, saying she was concerned because my son had passed out while in the lunch line."
"I went to pick him up and he seemed a little dazed but ok. My kid couldn't remember anything about what happened beforehand, so I made an appointment with his pediatrician for an hour later.
Right as we were getting ready to leave, he sheepishly said, "mom, I just remembered that right before I passed out, we were playing a game to see who could turn their face the reddest."
So, my kid had me thinking he had a brain tumor but no, he just held his breath until he passed out, and not a single other kid thought they should mention that to the teacher." -echeveria_rn
"My son in about grade 3, came home and he sheepishly told me that he got in trouble for saying the “c" word.""I was flabbergasted. I mean, I can be a bit of a sailor in my speech sometimes but I’ve never said the word c*** around any of my kids or family. It turns out, the ‘C’ Word in question was crap. When I spoke to the teacher, she had exactly the same reaction. It was a fellow student that turned him in. Needless to say, he did not get in trouble." -tripperfunster
"My mother was called to pick me and my twin sister up because we were turning blue.""I think it was 4th grade. We felt fine though. It was only after she arrived that we all remembered she had put brand-new blue flannel sheets on our bed the night before...apparently she hadn't washed them first." -CrochetyNurse
"My little brother liked cheese and mustard sandwiches. So my mom made him cheese and mustard sandwiches for lunch."
"When the teacher asked why he didn’t have any meat on his sandwich, he said either “we can’t afford meat" or “my mom doesn't let me" or something like that. Whatever he said was enough to send CPS over to the house.
Another time, he came to school saying that his mom loved coke. That his mom said she’s addicted to coke. CPS was called again (they lived in a different area this time).
Coca Cola. My mom couldn’t go a day without a Coke. So she’d joke that she was addicted to Coke." -[deleted]
"I got a call that my son was sick and that I had to come to pick him up. He was completely fine that morning. I asked the nurse, 'he really can’t go back to class?' and she said, 'he says he’s really sick.' Fine."
"I picked him up and on the walk home I asked what was up. He said he had to fart really badly and didn’t want to do it in class. I laughed and said okay.
Two days later I get another call to pick him up. So I got him and it was for the same reason. I told him that it was funny once but that from now on if he needed to fart in class, he should go to the bathroom." -LilyKnightMcClellan
"My youngest had a slight speech impediment when he was at nursery, he would replace his S's with F's to approximate the sound.""I had to have a chat with the Head at pick up time because I'd unthinkingly used the phrase 'so long suckers' when pulling away from some traffic lights the day before and he liked the sound of it so much he used it himself." -badgermonkey007
"I was in an early morning college class and when I got out I realized I had missed calls, texts, and emails from my daughter's preschool.""A voicemail said she had been throwing up and to please hurry and come get her. When I got to the school the receptionist showed me to a room where my daughter was sat with a trashcan on her lap. She told me my daughter kept announcing she was throwing up and then would cough and spit into the trashcan. She had no fever and was otherwise cheerful and talkative. I signed her out, got her outside and into my car where she jumped forward and kissed my cheek and told me she missed me and where would I like to go for lunch. That kid busted herself out of preschool to finagle a lunch date with me. It worked." -[deleted]
"My son went to a private Catholic school from first grade through eighth grade.""I had a nun call me one day because my son and a friend were having a peeing for distance contest in the bathroom and then another day I was called because my son was looking to see if the dictionary had the word “penis" in it. Both incidents were in the third grade." -whattatwat666
"My son (14, 8th grade) during class change walked into the boy's bathroom..."
"...put his hands over his head and while thrusting his hips in a humping motion told all the other boys in the room to "Protect your buttholes, gentlemen, here I come!"
The funniest part about it all, that exact same description was jotted down on the write-up slip. Even the principal couldn't stop laughing." -lambda419
"I have 4 kids, all adults now, who were pretty "high spirited" back in the day."
"My oldest son, however wins the prize from an incident in 6th grade. I got a call one afternoon that he had been sent to the principal's office. Nothing new there. And I needed to come get him AT ONCE! Uh oh.
He had mooned the second graders. All of then.
And their teachers." -seize_tomorrow
"My mom told me that when my brother was in grade school, she got the call to pick him up for a day’s suspension."
"Turned out that during lunch he opened his lunchbox and pulled out a can of Fosters.
It was empty and it was meant to be a joke, but the school didn’t see it that way. He was 9 and right at the start of a decade long mission to raise hell." -broomandkettle
"Not me, but my sister...She got a call from her son's very catholic school that he needed to be picked up."
"She gets to the school and the principal said that he had to go home for the day because he peed on the tree outside at recess.
He really laid into her about how they had to bleach the tree (Seriously. They poured bleach on the tree because a little kid peed on it...) and it was terrible and how she shouldn't be teaching her son these things.
My sister looked him straight in the eye and asked, "Do you really think I have the right plumbing to have taught him that? Yell at my husband when he comes in next time!"' -TDot132
"I received a call from the VP of my daughters school one day while I was at work. I could tell the VP was holding back her laughter, but she tried to remain professional."
"'Hello, your daughter acted out in class today. The children were switching from coloring to reading at the carpet. She threw her crayons down and pointedly said to the teacher 'Are you fucking kidding me.' "My knee-jerk reaction was "Dammit! Are you fucking kidding me?" (It is clear where she learned this from). My second thought was "damn, I have a kid in junior kindergarten that knows how to use that phrase in a correct form."
The following year, the VP is no longer at the school. We attend a similar social group and talk often. She loves to tell me that making that phone call was one of the funniest calls she has had to make as an educator." -Mrs-Davis
"So my daughter was in 5th grade. She was proving to be pretty responsible, so she was allowed to have a cell phone (because she was home about an hour before I was on weekdays) and an Instagram account that I heavily monitored. We never had any issues (still haven't and she's now in high school)."
"Well, I get a call from her school's principal one day. He tells me 2 boys were fist fighting in the lunchroom. I asked what that had to do with my daughter. Well, apparently my child had used an Instagram account to start what was essentially a cult called Unicorn Club.
Unicorns were obviously the worshipped deity, with goats being the devil figure to the unicorn gods. These 2 boys got into a fist fight over whether unicorns or goats were better. I had to pick her up to prevent further disputes & disband Unicorn Club." -TrashPandaWrangler
"My 7 (then 6) year old is big into aviation history, primarily World War II planes. So we found this show all about epic battles between planes throughout various wars."
"His teacher called me very concerned when my son went to school and told everyone how every day when he'd get home, his parents would let him watch Dog Fights.
She started laugh-crying with relief when I explained it was the name of the show and we weren't actually hosting a pit bull arena in our backyard. Because other kids went home already and told their parents they wanted to watch Dog Fights too, a letter was drafted and sent home with the class the next day to explain the difference." -ismellcatpee123
"Developmental preschool had me take her home because of farts."
"My daughter has legendary rank farts and refuses to poop away from home. They thought she needed to go. Nope, my homegirl was just gassy." -TimeForChanges17
"When my daughter was in pre-k, I got a call to come have a chat with main supervisor. So I roll in, grab a seat and ask ‘what’s up?’"
"There was another kid there that had a bad habit of scratching and biting other kids. She had done so to my daughter time or two in the past. I told the pre-k teachers to keep an eye out for it.
Well, apparently the kid decided to set her sights on my daughter again, biting her on the arm. Except for this time, my daughter decided she had zero fucks left to give, pulled off her shoe and beat the other mongrel about the head with it. They had to be physically separated.
I sat back and laughed, saying “mess with the bull, you’ll get the horns." Supervisor smirked and said yes indeed.
Later that eve, I had to explain to my daughter that beating people with your shoe is not the best of ideas." -ChappaQuitIt
"My youngest was in 3rd grade at the time. The music teacher at that school had absolutely no sense of humor."
I went to pick up my youngest daughter from school and the music teacher was there waiting for me, arms crossed, looking angry. As I drove up and my youngest got in, the music teacher came up to my window and motioned for me to roll down the window.
"Your daughter was disruptive in my class today!"
"OK... what did she do?"
"I was having the class clap to a song and she kept clapping on the off beats!"
"OK... did you ask her why?"
"Yes, I asked her why she was doing it and she said - 'because it's funny, teacher!' - and the rest of the class laughed at me!"
... and so did I. I couldn't help it. I laughed out loud right then and there.
Music teacher looks at me, unsmiling. Then I said: "Oh crap, guess I shouldn't be laughing, huh."
I had a chat with my daughter about directing her sense of humor more appropriately, like on the playground, and to please not be disruptive. Then I took her out for ice cream." -SouthernGirlInNH
"I was called because my daughter had apparently "brandished a WMD" in class."
"I was confused and horrified, to say the least. Was it a knife? A bottle of Drano? They wouldn't tell me. I don't really have anything vaguely threatening in my house, and she's a shy goody-two-shoes who has never done anything remotely bad in her life. They ordered me in right away.
She'd brought a kitty laser toy to school and used it to point out something on the whiteboard." -LadyMjolnir
"I'm a physician. I got a call years ago when my then 6-year-old decided to snort a coffee bean during their arts/crafts session. It was hurting him and he finally owned up to the teacher what he did."
"I get to the school, there is my son sitting there looking a bit sheepish. I asked him why he did it. He replied he was told he wasn't allowed to eat it, but he wanted it in his tummy anyways...Perhaps my spouse and I were too explicit with explaining anatomy to our children.
He had a big old bean halfway up. With some simple instrumentation, it was easily removed.
My boy, who is now a teenager, has the nickname "Bean" from this incident as most of his classmates are still in high school together." -IamsomebodyAMA
"One kid a couple grades older than mine was picking on her, apparently quite persistently.""She's autistic and was in first grade at the time. She didn't respond at first, and the little s*** kept at her and put his hand on her desk to lean in and get in her face. So she calmly stabbed his hand with a pencil." -BitchinIndika
"He got his finger stuck in his desk.""The teacher tried using oily substances to lube it up and pull it out, but it wouldn’t budge. They had to carry the desk all the way down a long hallway to the Principal’s office as he did the walk of shame beside it. I showed up as the fire truck pulled away after cutting the desk open to free his finger." -Texas_Crazy_Curls
"My daughter's grandmother (my mother) had given a silk warm-up suit to my daughter.""Not knowing it was silk, we washed it with the regular wash. Our daughter wore it to school the next day. I then got a call from the school requesting I come to pick her up as her clothes were falling apart. By the time I got to the school her clothes were absolutely shredded." -Lumbergod
"When my darling child was in first grade, I got a call from the school to let us know that the quiet shy kid was put on red and had to serve lunch detention."
"What did she do that was so horrible? In class after the zero tolerance for bullies program, she finally got tired of one of the boys throwing things at her and talking to her constantly. She wrote a note that said, "You will die someday." No direct threat of violence, but merely informing a first grader that he was mortal and would die at some point in the future.
The teacher laughed when she told us, but said because it was right after the program she had to punish her."-lala_7dipiti
"At the beginning of my son's kindergarten career (this past August) I got the call to pick him up from the principal's office.""He was under his desk waving his safety scissors at everyone refusing to come out."-Mpshell
"One twin hit the other twin.""A fight ensued between our identical twins. None of the staff could figure out which twin started it and who was at fault. Both kids blamed the other. We punished them both equally." -elliotsilvestri
"I got a call to pick up my daughter when she was in kindergarten because she arrested another little girl on the playground and handcuffed her to the chain link fence with pink fuzzy handcuffs.""Principal asked that I also bring the key to the cuffs."-dontremember
"My son’s preschool teacher called and said that he seemed to have a very bad sinus infection."
"She said that he had brown and yellow snot coming out of his nose. We told her that he had been sick with a head cold and already gone to the doctor, but he seemed to be on the mend. She was adamant that he was very sick, so we took him to the doctor again.
On the way to the doctor’s office, my son says 'Mommy, I put an m&m in my nose.'" -beermethestrength