People Are Rewriting Christmas Carols for the 21st Century, and the Results Are Hilarious

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We are mere weeks away from Christmas, which means the radio is already teeming with those classic Christmas tunes. From Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” to the more traditional “Little Drummer Boy,” these songs are universally recognizable and dare I say it? Universally loved.

Listen, I am 100 percent Jewish– and I cannot get enough of Christmas music. It gets me in the mood to celebrate, and I don’t care who knows it. Sure, this may mean I am a mere pawn in the game that is capitalism, but I don’t care. I love Christmas music.

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is a personal favorite, especially since it’s not the creepy song we all once thought it was. It’s actually a sex-positive, feminist duet. And you can listen to 50 different versions of it on my Spotify playlist, “Baby, It’s Very Cold Outside.” But I digress.

People are using the #ModernizeACarol hashtag to bring some classic Christmas carols into the 21st century.

And a lot of them are pretty funny! Definitely funnier than this painful scene from Love Actually (don’t @ me).

Pimpin’

Honestly, I started singing it this way and then I couldn’t stop and then for a second, I legit couldn’t remember what the real lyric was.

Very shiny phone

Too bad he doesn’t have any thumbs with which to use that phone! Reindeer shouldn’t be using phones anyway. They have to keep their eyes on the sky.

90 Days of Christmas

I’m not opposed to the several months of Christmas celebrations, but I think I would be opposed to this song. It would be too long!

Groot King Wencesles

This is so funny! I love it. Or, as Groot would say, “I am Groot.”

“3 Clickbaits”

A lot of work went into this carol rewrite, so I won’t begrudge this person the lack of necessary syllables in some of the items.

Twerking on Santa

Catching mommy kissing Santa Claus is one thing, but could you imagine the lifetime of trauma a kid would have if they witnessed this?

The cost of Christmas

Raise your hand if you accept that you’re going to be mega-broke for the last month of the year. Yeah, me too.

Scrolling

This is so true! But also like, what are we supposed to do, play in the snow? No thanks.

iPhones ring

This one works perfectly! Except for the fact that iPhones never ring because no one actually calls each other anymore.

Retweet What I Tweet

This works too well and now I’m just going to go up to people in the street and sing this in their faces and then show them my Twitter. That should work like a charm.

The Most Wonderful Time Line

This is clever. The thing is that this is clearly not the most wonderful timeline. It’s definitely the darkest timeline.

Holy Byte

What like, is a byte though, you know? We just accept things with no explanation these days.

Cold outside

I should just tattoo “That’s not how global warming works!” on my head at this point. It’ll be faster that way.

Red Nosed Lawyer

I cannot get over this GIF. It is the best GIF.

Grinch Trump

Wow. This works too well.

Two retweets

And look at that! Her Christmas wish came true.

Snapchat

Oh, boy. Good thing Snapchat didn’t exist when this song was written.

Amazon is delivering

It’s kind of crazy how much Amazon has taken over the holidays and how relevant this song lyric is.

Large Injury Settlement

You better bet that if Grandma got run over by a reindeer, she’d sue the antlers off of that reckless animal!

Deck the halls with red

I happen to love this. Red is the color of Christmas, and yet Melania managed to get it all wrong.

Snowperson

Don’t assume Frosty’s gender! It’s 2018. It’s snowperson now.

Deck the malls

OK, but real talk: I have a real, genuine soft spot for mall Christmas decorations. They’re so shiny.

We Three Kindles

This totally works with the tune… …and with the times!

O Christmas Tweet

Nothing gets you in the Christmas spirit quite like a tweet about the holiday. #MerryHappyChristmastime

Uber Home

As I explained before, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is not creepy, but also thank you, yes, I would like to go home. I always want to go home unless I am home.

Away in an AirBnB

To be honest, if baby Jesus was born in an AirBnB that would mean so many cleaning costs. I mean, like, gross.

Amazon

It’s true that Amazon is a big, evil corporation, but it happens to be a big, evil, very convenient corporation.

Little Dubstep Boy

This one made me giggle. (Even though dubstep is like, so two years ago.)

Weather app

How do I know that it’s snowing outside? Um, because I looked at my widget. Obviously. Share this with someone to help them get in the holiday spirit!