Have you ever told a lie just to get ahead? One time, in college, I was walking with a friend down the street in Boston and we saw a flattened pigeon on the sidewalk. It was very sad, but we decided to tell our group of friends that my friend had stepped on that pigeon and that it had exploded. They believed us! For years! Later — years later — we were reminiscing about that time we convinced everyone that he'd stepped on a pigeon, and everyone else was like, "Wait, that was a lie?!" They had no idea! We let them believe that my friend murdered a pigeon for several years!
There was very little I personally gained from this lie, I guess, other than a hilarious inside joke, but that's about it. The lies in this list are ones that people told expressly so they could get something out of it. And they're kind of epic.
Nicole Cliffe started off this fascinating thread with an admission of her own:This lie is, um, kind of a huge deal and I can't believe she actually did that! Luckily, her future husband was very understanding.
@Nicole_Cliffe Was a runaway street kid (didn’t look it) in NYC circa 2001. Stood street level outside a basement c… https://t.co/mKaT82Fp7F— Premature Immaculation (@Premature Immaculation)1546996002.0
BarneyOh my god. Genius. And evil. These parents are evil geniuses.
RussianThis sounds like a perfectly reasonable lie to commit, however, if I did this, I would be so paranoid that someone would look up my actual birthday and get me in trouble.
"And that's it"
@Nicole_Cliffe One of my law school professors was a notorious drunk and he called on me one day when I was totally… https://t.co/VQ0AEdDVgU— Athena Lives (@Athena Lives)1546996406.0
Fake bankerThere are so many fascinating stories like this from the Holocaust and other times of war. They're always incredible to learn.
ForgerThis is absolutely genius. I didn't know schools did this, and I would have been too scared to try to forge a note, anyway.
LaundryIt is amazing that her husband took being afraid of the basement as a legitimate excuse to never do laundry. If I tried that, my fiancé would be like, "Welp, guess your clothes are never getting clean."
Ready for commitment
@Nicole_Cliffe I was sleeping with a coworker of mine and I wanted to stop on account of it being very bad sex and… https://t.co/qJJKNmKyzU— The GOP is a super spreader event.😷 (@The GOP is a super spreader event.😷)1546989231.0
Parents' dogNo one can resist a sob story involving a dog. This is very brilliant. I bet it works like a charm.
@Nicole_Cliffe I stole money out of my siblings' piggy banks for years because I was mad that they were older than… https://t.co/vMhvtNTksh— Casey Splinter (@Casey Splinter)1546991507.0
@Nicole_Cliffe My best friend and I wanted to go to a Blink 182 concert in high school but couldn't afford tickets,… https://t.co/SJR5H2bwZW— M. Lockwood Porter (@M. Lockwood Porter)1547010260.0
DonutThis is infuriating and brilliant. I feel like you can tell a lot about a person by the way they react to you pretending you don't know very common things.
Tom Petty concertIf there's a lesson here, it is obviously: Exploit foreign exchange students to go see your favorite musical artists in concert.
@Nicole_Cliffe I told my mom George Michael was a religious singer so she would take me to his concert. In my defen… https://t.co/MWXsEoeVUp— wikwikwak (@wikwikwak)1546988857.0
Fake mission trip
@Nicole_Cliffe When I was 16, I faked a mission trip to Guatemala (paperwork and all) to my parents (both pastors)… https://t.co/A9rAXcxHXD— Lesley Nneka Arimah (@Lesley Nneka Arimah)1546991628.0
@Nicole_Cliffe When I was a young teen my family and I moved into a very affluent suburb with a ton of little kids.… https://t.co/OdETEW4zhd— Tracy Peak (@Tracy Peak)1546993871.0
Lying about lying
@Nicole_Cliffe My SAT II essay prompt was "Can lying ever be justified?" I wrote about lying to comfort a dying fri… https://t.co/AeiXyywees— Mackenzie Walton (@Mackenzie Walton)1546990510.0
@Nicole_Cliffe Sometimes I make a reservation for two at a nice restaurant and then pretend to get stoodup. It’s us… https://t.co/mku0uzEkai— Alessa Meno (@Alessa Meno)1547003899.0
Sundance partyI have so many questions. Chief among them is why did Mitt Romney host a Sundance party? Like, what?
@Nicole_Cliffe when I was in 5th grade I didn't want to write a paper on the american revolution so I just... didn'… https://t.co/P0vA6hs5iE— Tinfang Warble | 🅰️©️🅰️🅱️ (@Tinfang Warble | 🅰️©️🅰️🅱️)1546989537.0
@Nicole_Cliffe in college i legally married, and then peacefully divorced, a platonic friend so we qualified to live off-campus.— Alix E. Harrow (@Alix E. Harrow)1546990570.0
@Nicole_Cliffe Forgot to do a final paper in freshman year. Went to office hours with some primo fake tears and all… https://t.co/TmRnihdoZv— alexis nedd 🎮 💙 (@alexis nedd 🎮 💙)1546992285.0
Lost catI love those moments when somehow, for some reason, you know exactly what to say and you're very smooth. It doesn't happen often (to me, at least).
@Nicole_Cliffe I once claimed Dad was a v conservative minister who wouldn’t let me date ... to get away from a bar… https://t.co/Rt10fcx9CD— Rj N (@Rj N)1546990257.0
@Nicole_Cliffe this isn’t me but a friend in college was in an accident and got amnesia (for real!) and a girl he h… https://t.co/aNxvbuk4VG— america’s lounge singer (@america’s lounge singer)1547011903.0
@Nicole_Cliffe Got tired of waiting for a job offer due to bureaucratic slowness. Told the hiring person I had an o… https://t.co/xhIU8FXXGZ— Maret Orliss (@Maret Orliss)1546993263.0
@Nicole_Cliffe I faked my eye exam in 6th grade to make my parents buy me glasses because I was certain they would pull together my Look.— Tabitha Blankenbiller (@Tabitha Blankenbiller)1546989656.0
@Nicole_Cliffe @BeeBabs When I was 18 I went on an ill advised dinner w/ a VERY rich man coz he said he had agency… https://t.co/T3N9SBg6TZ— Eirinie Carson (@Eirinie Carson)1547012602.0
@Nicole_Cliffe During college, I’d tell people I was “helping out an older couple” when in all reality I was living… https://t.co/KdbDCklXfI— Kenzie lol’er (@Kenzie lol’er)1547016029.0