Only People Obsessed with Astrology Will Understand These Posts | 22 Words

Even the most cynical people among us will admit that they're the tiniest bit interested in astrology. They might not believe that the stars they were born under have any real significance or influence over their lives, but show them a horoscope and their eyes will naturally drift to their own.

Then there are people on the other side of the spectrum who check their horoscope every single day. Multiple times a day. And they make decisions (both big and small ones) according to what those horoscopes say.

You know what? I have nothing against either party. If you enjoy reading your horoscope and studying astrology, then more power to you. People have believed crazier things, after all. I think you'll get a kick out of these tweets. They'll make the most sense to people who love astrology, but skeptics are welcome, too, of course!

Ready to dive in?

Turn down the lights, light some incense, and let's get mystical.

This is so me.

How do they know, though?! It's like this was written specifically about my own life.

Eh, I'm not feeling it.

The best part about being low-key obsessed with horoscopes is that if you don't like what one says, you can easily find another one somewhere else.

So true.

If you don't believe it, you have never had someone ask you what your sign is and then immediately respond with "Oh, that makes so much sense. Sorry; we can't be friends."


A big city kid, here. (Wishing I was more of a tony tony macaroni.)

I love that guy.

Is this how you do astrology? Did I stars correctly?

Not the *worst* idea.

Don't get me wrong. It's a pretty bad one. But not the worst.

Good luck!

I'm not a Capricorn, but I think I'm going to go ahead and pretend that I am. I'm only six months off. That's close enough for me.

Especially the good ones.

If they're negative, I'll ignore them and pretend they don't exist. That's what I do to everything I don't like.

Do or do not?

I think it's time for you to find another daily horoscope. There must be a snack-related one out there, right?

That's so Aquarium.

Believe it or not, every aquarium I've ever met has done exactly this. You can always tell the aquariums from everyone else.

Excuse me?

I mean, thank you, but I'm just not quite sure this is wholly appropriate.

Double the fun!

Cross your fingers and hope to the heavens that they're compatible.

How did you know?!

do have thoughts! My mind is blown.


I'll go ahead and field this one: It is not.

*Changes the channel*

Honestly, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. What's the worst that could happen if you defy your destiny? Can't be that bad, right?

First of all.

Don't try to reply to that email for a few hours. There will most likely be a follow-up. Or several of them.

The future?

Plan ahead? What am I, a Virgo?


Don't worry. You'll get to them eventually. No, you won't.

Any day now!

Something tells me that not leaving the house may work against you in this endeavor. But I suppose stranger things have happened.


As it turns out, you can have all kinds of frustrating qualities that have nothing to do with your zodiac sign. You can still blame them on it, though.

Just kidding!

You thought today was a good day? You were sorely mistaken, my friend!

Business as usual.

In other words: an Aries has had their heart broken 13 times as of 10:35 am. Still nothing special.

Pay attention to me!

I call baloney on this one. A Leo would not ask you why you haven't favorited their tweets.

Uh oh, Scorpio!

Scorpios can be intimidating! But surely they're not all terrifying. Right?

If you say so.

I don't understand what this means, but the Internet has spoken and who am I to disagree?

"I'm moving in!"

And they'll never leave. Ever.

Better luck next time.

You've got to love a horoscope that's so short, sweet, and to the point. You can't misinterpret it, either.

Crisis mode.

Excuse me? Did I ask for your astrological opinion? I don't think so.

It all makes sense.

Learning that you have two signs is probably similar to learning that you had a twin you never knew about for your entire life. Share this with someone who checks their horoscope every day!