Merry Christmas you filthy animals. Sure the holiday is over, but judging by the stretch marks on my stomach, the implications of the holiday aren’t going to leave us any time soon. So we’re just going to keep writing about it, gosh darn it. And honestly, this one is a doozy. This one is like learning that your parents had to have sex in order for you to be born, or that putting a fork in the wall socket isn’t a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon, or that brain freeze is the leading cause of cancer in men over 50. Bottom line: it hurts.
This is the day that I learned everything from the hit 1990 movie Home Alone is a lie. Not like your average “movie magic” lie. This is like a “your dad telling you he’s going out for a pack of cigarettes and only comes back with one so you can’t have any” kind of lie. Maybe that’s a singular experience. Don’t smoke.
Anyway… let me explain.