Not everyone is great at flirting. Some people have to resort to trying to impress their crush with something outrageous, and rarely does it go well. We've all been there. That's why 90% of guys in high school take up guitar playing and why girls pretend as if they care about watching hockey. (Just kidding I'm sure there are girl hockey fans out there. I just haven't found them yet.)

The point is that people do some dumb stuff to impress people they like. And for dudes, it seems like they hurt themselves a lot trying to pull off a stunt they think will impress a girl. Just FYI, girls don't care about stunts or how much pain you can withstand unless that stunt is getting them a pizza and the pain you can withstand is letting them eat most of the pizza.

Enjoy these stories of dumb things people did to impress their crush. Almost all of them failed miserably!

Who could have predicted this would go wrong?

Getting up from the bleachers to play PE dodgeball, I tried to pull my sweat pants off while yelling “LET’S DO THIS!"

Ended up yanking off everything, boxers and all. -CopperSmokeClayton

Reason #572 not to try to impress someone with the thing they do better than you.

I've posted this before but still funny to me. Dating a gymnast in high school. We go to a park and I see parallel bars that are designed for stretching but I'm convinced I can do a handstand on them because I'm awesome. She keeps insisting they are too far apart but I don't listen. Attempt said handstand, they were indeed too far apart so I collapse down jamming my chest past my hands and strain/tear all the ligaments holding my chest muscles to my breastbone. Good times were not had later or for a long while after. -Mostlyamoron

Pre-teens are so dumb, bless their hearts.

When I was 12, I started biting my fingernails because I thought that would bring me closer to my crush who also bit his nails. Obviously, that didn't work out and here I am at 21 and still biting my nails. -emotionsfurb

This hits too close to home. Who among us did not do this on AIM?

Back in High School AOL Instant Messenger was a thing. Every morning before school I would try to post in my 'auto message' some profound statement about love or relationships often using song lyrics. I did this specifically in the hopes that my crush (who was one of my friends on IM) would see it and have some revelation about how awesome I was. Looking back that was a lot of energy spent on something I could've done by just being myself around her. -mikeytherock

Ouch.

Got into a downhill snowball fight while skiing at 30 mph... hit some ice and shattered my tibia. -etymologynerd

Getting hurt seems to be a theme here.

My Senior year of HS I told one of my best friends who was also this sweet, beautiful, very in shape, football playing boy to throw the football as high as he possibly could and I would catch it. (You know, to impress him and make him realize I was the girl of his dreams...) He threw it. High. I did not catch it. I did fracture my pointer finger when it bounced off my hands. Had to wear a friggin’ finger cast to school for a few weeks and go to physical therapy. For my finger. He felt terrible. I felt like an idiot. He did buy me “I’m sorry" flowers though. So, that was nice. People at school thought my finger brace was hilarious. Since I was constantly walking around giving a “number 1" hand gesture due to the brace, everyone at school started giving me the “number 1!" gesture when I walked by them. Good times. -BRKS4

This is a lot of commitment to impressing someone.

Got a tattoo to impress a girl in my psych class. It did nothing and now I have a piece of shit piece by a guy named Philly Steve on my leg forever. Call me if you see this, Ashley. -steadmanthewhale

This one is cute!!!

In pre-school, one student was always designated Student of the Day.

Student of the Day got to use a stack of cards with everyone's names on them to decide where we all sat for the day.

None of us could read, so the seating was usually pretty random.

But little did Stacy Johnson know I had had my father teach me to read her name so I could sit next to her the next time it was my turn.

Stacy Johnson, I learned to spell your name before my own. -SlimLovin

Wait...what? This could not have gone worse.

Tried to razor scooter down the steepest hill around. Crashed into the back of a funeral hearse and shattered the back window. There was a body inside and the family was outside waiting to either go to the cemetery or take the coffin inside. I got up, covered in blood and glass, grabbed my scooter and hobbled away to the nearest alleyway. -brokendew

When is there a wrong time to break out Vanilla Ice?

Memorized Ice Ice Baby when she was impressed by some other guy who had done the same. There was never an opportune moment break that out... -tember_sep_venth_ele

You know it's bad when even your parents are embarrassed by you.

I was abroad in the Dominican Republic, they had a dance competition on a stage, anyone could enter and it had around 200 people watching. I was about 9-10 ish and spotted a cute girl who must've been around 14-15... So obviously I decided the best way to get her attention was to get up on stage and dance my heart out. Queue 3 minutes of awkward shuffling, while maintaining constant eye contact with that girl, and horrified/queasy looks from my parents. The coordinator cut me off early by pretending the speaker stopped working. I got a pity clap :( - SlothWithATopHat

This escalated extremely quickly.

I lied and said I had experience in journalism (because I didn’t think we’d have anything except a brief encounter) when I’d actually only taken one class in college. our first date he took me with to report on a local clash between police and citizens and I got tear gassed and robbed. -throwwawwayy66

Men will literally risk death to impress women who don't care at all, you have to give them credit for that, I guess.

I was in New Zealand, was going to a beach party with some girls from the hostel I was staying at. To get to the party, you needed to take a $2 ferry across this inlet which was about 1km wide. I decided to swim it, to impress the ladies.

About halfway through I realize that I'm slowly being swept out to sea and I'm losing strength. I'm not sure how, but eventually I made it to the other shore, about 100 meters away from the pier. The ferry had docked about 2-3 minutes before me, and I just nonchalantly walked over to meet the girls, as if I hadn't swum against a current to near exhaustion and was swept out to sea.

Good side: it worked and I ended up hooking up with one of the ladies Bad side: the $2 was for a round trip, and I still had to pay $2 to get back once the party was over -beerbellybegone

The idea that this plan would work is truly wild.

I had a pretty serious crush on a boy from third to sixth grade. He was pretty "popular" and I was desperate for his attention, so I concocted the perfect plan to get him to be my boyfriend.

I wrote a note about myself on a piece of notebook paper. The note was written in sloppy handwriting and said very hurtful things about me, including calling me ugly and stupid, and I signed it with his name. Then I crumpled it up to make it look like I had found it discarded on the ground. My plan was to confront him about this very mean, hurtful note he had written about me. He would read the note, be shocked at the contents, and insist that he didn't write it! In fact, he'd be so appalled by the contents in the note that he would prove to me that he didn't think I was ugly or stupid and he would tell me I was beautiful and would ask me to be his girlfriend!

Yeah, that didn't happen. I approached him, said "I found this note you wrote about me!", he said "uh what? I didn't write that" and walked away.

Thank god I moved far far away shortly after that. Cringing just thinking about it. -spikyflats

This is actually a huge win because that show is great.

I started watching Parks and Rec so I could talk to the girl I had a crush on about it. It was her favorite show. I didn't really talk to her much after that but I've watched Parks and Rec through like 5 times. -PhreedomPhighter

This is hilarious.

I changed my contacts name such as "mom" became "Ashley" and "dad" became "Vanessa," so when any of them called when I was around the girl it would seem like other girls are hitting me up all the time. Never worked. -notreallysrs
Her: Why do girls keep texting you and asking if you did your homework and if you can take out the trash?
Him: Um, no idea.

Hey, at least he followed through!

I told her I knew how to change an alternator on her car because she needed it replaced. She took me up on it and I shit bricks. I had never performed any maintenance on a car before.

I did it though! It took me two days and I left a wrench on one of the bolts because I wasn’t strong enough to get it off. The car ran like a champ after that. -HeavenHill

Ah, yes. The most romantic thing a boy can do for a girl.

I've been a car guy since day one. In junior high, there was this girl I really liked, and to impress her, I drew her a picture of a car and handed it to her folded up like a note. No writing mind you, just car. Did NOT go over as hoped. What an idiot. -Skiroule69

The idea that a guy would be impressed by a musical number is funny. The fact that he was shows he's a keeper.

I once maneuvered events so that a friend would "happen" to be playing piano to the tune of "Phantom of the Opera" so that I could be ("coincidentally") singing along, as guy crush walked by.

Twist: He was impressed. We're now married (7 years). -heatherkan

As a girl I can confirm they did not find this funny.

In elementary school, I was somewhat of a ladies man. One time at lunch, I thought "Hey maybe if I shove this straw up my nose, all the girls will think it's funny." Then proceeded to do so. 10 seconds later, there was blood all over my food because of a bloody nose and I had to be escorted to the nurse. Had to see a specialist for a few months afterward. Lesson learned. -Mrsandman1231

*Cringe* We've all been there. Or somewhere similar.

I thought that if I always wore a Chinese astrology pendant around my neck I would appear cool and mysterious and all the boys would want to talk to me. I'm a white girl. -quilles

Tough break.

When I was 14, I read the entire Twilight series that she lent me, then she started dating someone else shortly after.  -DudeInTheOrange

Oh wow, no don't do this.

I ate a very hot red pepper from the Thai restaurant. The girl I was trying to impress was eating them like it was nothing, and told me I couldn't handle it. Of course, I wanted to impress her by showing that even white people can withstand these things. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Spoiler: it wasn't. Now I'm laughing about it but at the moment I honestly thought I was going to die. It took the whole day to get out of my system, and I'm pretty sure I could feel it making its way through my body, burning everything it touched in its wake.

Now I impress girls by eating mild green peppers. -A-Eteat

Why would this impress someone?

When I was in 4th grade I did this thing where I'd increase the blood pressure in my head and my face would turn purple and people thought it was cool.

Was doing it to try and impress some girl I had a crush on and ended up fainting/passing out (didn't know that was possible at the time). The teacher came by and asked me to stop lying on the floor. -peeaches

Hopefully it was the 90s at least.

Frosted tips?‍♂️-jrexthrilla

Your bank teller knows too much about you to be impressed by you.

I didn’t do direct deposit so I’d have a reason to go in and flirt with a teller when I was 19.

Never occurred to me that even though I mastered always getting her in line that I was cashing $127 checks and never had more than $300 in the bank and she could see that a nice dinner and movies would be a whole check. ? -Snarlynx

Smooth.

Once tried to sit on the stool next to this hot girl I fancied in a nightclub except there was no stool. I just ended up on my arse with half my drink on me then said 'ok bye', got up strolled off in embarrassment. -Lolatyourban999

This is quite a pickle. (Get it? Pickles are...nevermind)

There was this girl in 7th grade that I really liked. She was a vegetarian. So for some reason, I decided that I'll impress her by becoming vegetarian too. So a few days in a bring it up to her and she makes a joke along the lines of "are you just doing it to impress me?" And I was so embarrassed. But I brushed it off like it was nothing. But 7th grade me thought "I'm in too deep I can't stop now." So I continued being a vegetarian for a year until she switched schools. -HTKAMB

This girl is a genius, TBH.

When I was young and much dumber, the girl next door who I had a massive crush on jokingly said I should write a poem about her. I took that to heart and wrote a f****** SONNET with iambic pentameter and everything.

Found out that she had mentioned this to a couple guys and she made a collection. God, wtf -UptownShenanigans

I feel like I'd like to hear the rest of this story?

Claimed to be able to telepathically communicate with a ghost rumored to haunt our high school. -HawaiianShirtsOR
The what that haunted where? Does every high school have one of these because weirdly, mine did not?

If this was a rom-com, you'd be married by now, though.

Tried to smack a large bug that had landed on her shoulder.

Turns out it was a black wasp.

She got stung and also happened to be allergic and had to go to the hospital to get treated so she wouldn't die from anaphylaxis. -Saraphboy

Well, that's terrifying.

Jumped on the back of a moving car and rode it down a highway. It was unintentional but she actually was impressed and we dated for over 3 years. -deleted

Kind of had it coming, buddy.

Tried to jump up on and ride a cow at a friend's farm. It kept running away, and when I had it somewhat cornered it pooped on its tail and flicked it at me. -ChipotleMayoFusion

Pro-tip: date someone who likes the same nerdy things as you.

In 8th grade, I quit YuGiOh and Runescape in order to impress a girl. I thought not being a nerd would be attractive.

I was still a nerd though, just a newly bored one. -ItsOnlyTheCaptain

Why do boys think girls will be impressed by them eating weird stuff?

In science class in middle school, we were doing a lab that involved table salt. For some reason, I thought I would be able to impress the girl I had a crush on by eating a whole tablespoon of salt at once. It was fucking horrendous. I managed to not throw up all over the place, so that was a win at least. -deleted