Dating is hard. It's terrifying to put yourself out there and ask someone else to like you. It's hard to find someone you click with. It takes a lot of time to sort through all the people that aren't good matches. Oh, and there are some absolutely awful humans out there who will make your life hell.
Don't believe me? Maybe you'll believe the people who lived it. Reddit asked for people's worst date stories and boy did they deliver. If you think you know how bad it can get: you don't. I'm thanking my lucky stars that my worst date was just awkward instead of ending in vomit or breaking the law.
Now that they've come out the other side these stories are truly hilarious. So grab yourself some tea, make yourself comfy, and settle in for some wild rides. These dates are exactly what you do not want to happen...but they make some incredibly good stories.
The first lesson we'll learn here today is do not get wasted (or be super racist) on your first date.-JaladinTanagra
The second tip is to not tell your date how you're super in love with someone else.-YamaraPSN
This one is just sad: sounds like the guy was just not ready to be dating.-GingerNerd87
And here we have an example of "don't bring up your weird pseudoscience on the first date."FireEmblemBoy
There's a lot happening here, but grey as a favorite color is really amazing.
Chewed with mouth open
Made a weird ''HA?!'' sound instead of saying "excuse me?" or "what?"
Stared off into space for 1 whole minute before responding to a question.
We sat in silence for 15 minutes (no joke) while I waited for an answer to ''What's your favourite colour?'' The answer was ''Grey''.-SpaceWhale89
This is what we call moving too fast.-chewytime
Look friends, don't go on dates if you're in a relationship. It's just bad.
I went on a date with a guy. It was a nice date until the end. We were eating ice cream outside at one of those tables when his ex girlfriend drives up. She gets out of the car and starts yelling at him. He tells me sorry and that hes going to talk to her real quick. He comes back and said he has to go but that we should do this again sometime. I tell him not likely and I left.
I thought that was the end of it but when I was applying for a job at the mall, that girl was a manager there although I didnt recognize her. Apparently she started crying when she saw me and told the hiring manager that she couldn't work with me. They gave me the job still but transferred me to a different store. I found out later that she wasnt his ex they were actually living together when I went on that date. I wasnt too worried about it, he told me he was completely single so it wasnt my fault. Super annoying how she blamed me for her man's actions and tried to make it so I couldn't get a job.-gaspandsaywhat
This is more than 1 bad date, this is a relationship built of red flags.-Cephalopodio
Here's another solid tip: insulting the looks of your date will not win you points.-zephyrKiss
Sometimes it's not the date's fault...-RavenMysteries1331
Look there's nothing wrong with living with your parents, but a first date should not be "meeting the rents".-RavenMysteries1331
Wow, ghosting in the middle of a date is a power move.-gimmewool
Again, do not ditch your date in the middle of hanging out.-swashcuckle
Dates that end in vomit are just...not good.
She proceeds to pound tequila until she can barely stand, like 3:1 ratio of drinks between us. Have to help her to the Uber and end up having to take her back to my place as she was too messed up for the driver to take her back to her place. She puked all over the floor in front of the coffee table, I clean (the smell...) and swear to myself I’ll never see her again.
She then wakes up 2 hours later and decides that she wants a snack. I’m dozing in a chair nearby and I wake up to her rummaging in my pantry and eating my chips and cookies. 30 seconds later, she vomits into the chip bag. She drops the bag on the floor and tells me how this is all my fault because I didn’t take her to get anything to eat after we left the bar.
Moved her outside and put her into an Uber as fast as I could. Blocked her number and her social media, so of course she messaged me on LinkedIn to tell me I’m an awful person but she’d be willing to give me a second chance if I took her somewhere fun.-KidPowered17
You'd think that breaking your ankle would be the worst part of the date, but you'd be wrong.
2018 Christmas at the advice of my friends, I went ice skating rink with someone who we connected via friend of a friend sort of arrangement.
Want to preface, I'm 6'4 and I have poor balancing issues, a slight breeze could make me topple over and I was never good at bikes, scooters, boards or skates and this was going on an whole nother level.
No big deal, some shakey poses will make for a good laugh and maybe some supportive contact right? Wrong, I barely lasted 5 minutes before I fell broke my wrist and twisted my ankle and promptly had to leave the rink.
What does my date do? She acts like she never came with me and instead finds a new dance partner and leaves with him instead. Never heard from her again and never want to.-Umbran_scale
If you thought having a girlfriend was bad, this one really escalates the situation.
On the way he says he needs to pick up a couple things for dinner, so we stop at a local grocery store. We're in the grocery store making small talk and pick out vegetables. All of a sudden I hear slow clapping and notice this woman walking up to us. "oh Dave, she's beautiful! You really picked a good one this time." She looks at me and goes "Did he forget to mention he's married?" At the same time a kid runs up to him screaming "DADDY!!". I was completely caught off guard. They start to argue and people are looking at us. We leave and he has to the nerve to ask if I'm still coming over... No drop me off at home please...-justsomegirl2779
Also, don't have sex with someone other than your date and still expect to get some.
In my late teens, I took this girl to a pub for our third date. I had been at work since very early in the morning, so around midnight I suggested that we finish the date, and make plans for the next time we go out. She really wanted to stay for a while longer, so she gave me her house keys, and said to go home to her place to sleep, she will wake me up later "in a nice way". Naturally, I assumed this would be for some awesome sex (we didn't have sex on dates 1 or 2, which I was fine with), so I was anticipating that wake up.
She gets home in the wee small hours of the morning, and slides into bed with me. I start fingering her thinking that she was really wet. I was about to go down on her, and smelled a familiar smell. Turns out she got a lift home with another bloke, and she fucked him in his car, outside her house. She then brought her vagina full of fresh cum into bed, expecting me not to notice.
I couldn't get out of there quick enough.
She called later, and couldn't work out why I wasn't cool with her behaviour, and no longer wanted to see her...-Feed_my_Mogwai
Stalking: never a good look.-embear7
Ew ew ew ew.-[deleted]
There's presumptuous and then there's whatever this is.-bananicula
Fortnite is how I decide who I'll date too.-Tails_of_Nine
I know that it's bad form to write everything in all caps in an article, but pooping on the floor definitely warrants it. WHAT IS HAPPENING.-RoosterCog
Sorry, attempted murder is not something you drop in casual conversation.-DutchessPeabody
Oh no. Oh no oh no. This one just keeps getting worse.
I met a chick online that seemed pretty cool. We texted for about 2 weeks before we met up for drinks. She asks if I want to hang out at her house... so I obliged.
Then it got really weird. She had a male roommate that stared a lot longer than he should have... turns out she is in the business of bringing men back to her apartment so he can watch them have sex with her.
Plot twist: it was her dad.-jziegle3227
Ok this is actually hilarious.
A long time ago I went on a blind date (yeah, I know, but she wasn't that bad looking.) Over dinner, she asked me what I did for a living, and I told her that I worked in an office doing computer stuff.
I then made the mistake of asking her the same question.
She worked at a poultry production plant, where she inspected duck carcasses. She explained in great detail what they looked for, and how you tell whether a duck's lungs are healthy or infected with TB, and all the other stuff that ducks can have that makes them fail inspection, and what they did with the ones that failed (sent for more inspection), and how the whole place smelled. She continued throughout the entire meal, just barely pausing to shove food into her mouth from time to time.
I paid for dinner, gave her a hug, and we went our separate ways.-Wadsworth_McStumpy
This is a new one: codependency with your dog.-ProseBe4Hoes
It is truly a bold move to take a phone call in the middle of the movie theater.
She wanted to see Twilight. We went to the movies and she talked at regular volume about pointless irrelevant dross during the film. The cinema was approximately 50% capacity. I suggested we leave and grab a beer so we can chat. No, she was comfortable and enjoying the movie. She even took a call on her phone.
I left about 30 minutes into the film. Shit movie, shit date.
I have yet to see the 2nd half of the film or her again.-Conan-doodle
And of course...you should probably call your date a Nazi. It always goes over well.
I went on a date with a guy I met via Badoo last year. Here are some highlights:
"You're a gamer girl, you're not fat, and you're as attractive as you are in your pictures? What's the catch?"
-Mishears "Support worker" as "Social worker" after asking what I do for a living, and proceeds into a tirade about how all social workers are "government Nazis", who steal children from homes and place them into foster care, and says nothing more on the matter when I correct him.-
When the date ended (after around 90 minutes longer than it should have been) "Are you coming with me or not?"
He texted me the next day saying he had a lovely time, and that he wouldn't mind seeing me again. No.-matildamint