For a long time, The Onion has billed itself as "America's Finest News Source," but that was done with a wink. The publication is pure satire, with its headlines ranging from obvious jokes about current-day politics to insane takes on everyday life. In fact, The Onion's empire has even expanded beyond newspapers, taking aim at online publications with Clickhole and video games with Onion Gamer Network.
For most people, it's very obvious that these headlines are meant to be funny and weird. But a lot of people just glance at the headlines as they scroll by on Twitter and react accordingly. These people "ate The Onion," as the practice of believing comedic and/or satirical headlines is now known. It's a shameful moment for these folks — a clear indication that they don't read the articles that make them so angry on the internet.
Could eating the onion be an indication that you need to learn a little more about a subject before you pop off about it on social media? Perhaps, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that's too much self-awareness to ask out of these people. Here are some of the best moments of people online eating The Onion.
(IMPORTANT NOTE: All these italicized responses are real people reacting to Onion tweets. What a bummer for those real people.)
I'll read a book if you read the article.
via: RedditIt's the sun you stupid f–ing fake news media! This is not new! Jesus God, read a book!
BOOM. Got 'em.
via: RedditWhatever. It won't be the United States collapsing... it'll be your biased reporting.
They rolled their eyes so hard they saw their own brain.
via: RedditIt's called a girl ffs. (If you didn't know, "ffs" stands for "for f's sake," so realize just how angry this poor person was that The Onion didn't know about 50 percent of the human population.)
Dog bites man? Not a story. Dog gets on elevator dripping wet? Story.
via: RedditWhat the hell is this article about? Who cares? Why is this important and why did you waste your time and ours putting this on Twitter?
Somewhere, there is a discouraged five-year-old sommelier.
via: RedditDisgusting. Who allowed this?
These would legitimately be cool if they came out in March for St. Patrick's Day.
via: RedditRESPONSE 1: Cheese is naturally yellow-orange. Green cheese indicates fuzzy, moldy cheese. Won't be eating any soon. I will go with the store brand Cheetos. RESPONSE 2: They lost my business. Wow these businesses. They are so childish. RESPONSE 3: I love these things but I will never buy another one as long as they are green. Love my president, go Trump 2020.
Both men and women can fall for Onion headlines.
via: RedditWhen people ask me why I'm not a feminist, I tell them that I already feel equal. And also, because of dumb stuff like this...
Did the Queen give this the thumbs up?
via: RedditThis better not be true. It's a British landmark, always will be and should remain as "Big Ben."
Wait — do you think the chimp is going to die?
via: RedditThis can't be true??? They are going to kill this animal. They just announced they're going to kill this animal and study the effects before he dies. That's what I just read, right? 'Cause this chimp's gonna die!!
I do imagine a puppet conversation took place.
via: RedditCouldn't they just uses puppets? Or effects? Or anything else?
I refuse to go to Sea World because I always get wet by standing close to the tank and then my inner thighs chafe.
via: RedditAnd this is why I refuse to go to Sea World.
It'll take new methods if we're going to defeat eye measles.
via: RedditYour guys' thoughts on this?? I don't know it it's true or not. But I'm open to new methods.
Dumbledore explains how you came to be gay at the end of the book.
via: RedditThis woman is bat-shiz crazy. You can't be gay in a homosexual sense for reading a book.
This headline had them shaken, not stirred.
via: RedditWhat a load of bull shyte. I am so glad I am not a James Bond fan.
Human beings are the most loving of creatures. It's truly beautiful.
via: RedditThis is stupid. There is no full story and this isn't newsworthy.
Always wear flame-retardant outerwear in case of burns like this.
via: RedditThis is horrible, that is a vile and mean article.
Big if true.
via: RedditRESPONSE 1: Is this true? Nine feet tall. RESPONSE 2: Seriously?
Oh my god, you've been worshiping him for so looong.
via: RedditIt's called being a Christian. [heart emoji]
But just think of the convenience!
via: RedditThat is absolutely ridiculous. I would hate to see how they draw their own blood, let alone the containers they put it in. It's not like a pair of shoes. Can't just throw them in there.
This response is 100 times better than the headline. Why would it be worth less than two quarters?! So funny, oh my god.
via: RedditWhy??? What's it worth??? .60???
Not even the denizens of Westeros are safe from JK's retconning.
via: RedditRESPONSE 1: JK Rowling should shut her mouth and come up with her own ideas. RESPONSE 2: STFU and make one of your own damn characters whatever you want them to be. Jon Snow is obviously attracted to women.
We got a real hot take on Big tobacco over here.
via: RedditSo he is encouraging young kids to not vape, just smoke cigarettes if you want to look cool. Wow Big Tobacco sure has an agenda!
PSST. They don't.
via: RedditHow does someone make a mistake like that.
We should instead praise these kids for being so considerate.
via: RedditIt's not like they plan on getting abducted. [shocked face emoji]
Try it, maybe you'll like it.
via: RedditWho wants their burger to taste like spearmint?? Who???
Allow me to present... the joke.
via: RedditMaybe the usage of the word "object" for a girl can be a bit offensive. How about girl's growing up to become a lady.
It'd be much more realistic if we could play as a struggling photographer who Mary Jane does not love.
via: RedditIt's not meant to be realistic!
This gives hope to the rest of us sixes.
via: RedditThis should not even be a thing! Got nothing better to write about? How immature.
Eminem bolts awake and asks himself: "Yo, did I make a big-ass mistake?"
via: RedditI hate to say it but talk about poetic justice. I know free speech gives him the right to say all that hate-filled misogynistic sh*t he was spitting out in his lyrics but it's coming back to haunt him.
Asking if we read the whole article is just *chef's kiss*.
via: RedditDid you read the whole article? These "scientists" sound like a bunch of morons.