These Not-Too-Smart People Thought Headlines From 'The Onion' Were Real | 22 Words

For a long time, The Onion has billed itself as "America's Finest News Source," but that was done with a wink. The publication is pure satire, with its headlines ranging from obvious jokes about current-day politics to insane takes on everyday life. In fact, The Onion's empire has even expanded beyond newspapers, taking aim at online publications with Clickhole and video games with Onion Gamer Network.

For most people, it's very obvious that these headlines are meant to be funny and weird. But a lot of people just glance at the headlines as they scroll by on Twitter and react accordingly. These people "ate The Onion," as the practice of believing comedic and/or satirical headlines is now known. It's a shameful moment for these folks — a clear indication that they don't read the articles that make them so angry on the internet.

Could eating the onion be an indication that you need to learn a little more about a subject before you pop off about it on social media? Perhaps, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that's too much self-awareness to ask out of these people. Here are some of the best moments of people online eating The Onion.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: All these italicized responses are real people reacting to Onion tweets. What a bummer for those real people.)

I'll read a book if you read the article.

via: Reddit

It's the sun you stupid f–ing fake news media! This is not new! Jesus God, read a book!

BOOM. Got 'em.

via: Reddit

Whatever. It won't be the United States collapsing... it'll be your biased reporting.

They rolled their eyes so hard they saw their own brain.

via: Reddit

It's called a girl ffs. (If you didn't know, "ffs" stands for "for f's sake," so realize just how angry this poor person was that The Onion didn't know about 50 percent of the human population.)

Dog bites man? Not a story. Dog gets on elevator dripping wet? Story.

via: Reddit

What the hell is this article about? Who cares? Why is this important and why did you waste your time and ours putting this on Twitter?

Somewhere, there is a discouraged five-year-old sommelier.

via: Reddit

Disgusting. Who allowed this?

These would legitimately be cool if they came out in March for St. Patrick's Day.

via: Reddit

RESPONSE 1: Cheese is naturally yellow-orange. Green cheese indicates fuzzy, moldy cheese. Won't be eating any soon. I will go with the store brand Cheetos. RESPONSE 2: They lost my business. Wow these businesses. They are so childish. RESPONSE 3: I love these things but I will never buy another one as long as they are green. Love my president, go Trump 2020.

Both men and women can fall for Onion headlines.

via: Reddit

When people ask me why I'm not a feminist, I tell them that I already feel equal. And also, because of dumb stuff like this...

Did the Queen give this the thumbs up?

via: Reddit

This better not be true. It's a British landmark, always will be and should remain as "Big Ben."

Wait — do you think the chimp is going to die?

via: Reddit

This can't be true??? They are going to kill this animal. They just announced they're going to kill this animal and study the effects before he dies. That's what I just read, right? 'Cause this chimp's gonna die!!

I do imagine a puppet conversation took place.

via: Reddit

Couldn't they just uses puppets? Or effects? Or anything else?

I refuse to go to Sea World because I always get wet by standing close to the tank and then my inner thighs chafe.

via: Reddit

And this is why I refuse to go to Sea World.

It'll take new methods if we're going to defeat eye measles.

via: Reddit

Your guys' thoughts on this?? I don't know it it's true or not. But I'm open to new methods.

Dumbledore explains how you came to be gay at the end of the book.

via: Reddit

This woman is bat-shiz crazy. You can't be gay in a homosexual sense for reading a book.

This headline had them shaken, not stirred.

via: Reddit

What a load of bull shyte. I am so glad I am not a James Bond fan.

Human beings are the most loving of creatures. It's truly beautiful.

via: Reddit

This is stupid. There is no full story and this isn't newsworthy.

Always wear flame-retardant outerwear in case of burns like this.

via: Reddit

This is horrible, that is a vile and mean article.

Big if true.

via: Reddit

RESPONSE 1: Is this true? Nine feet tall. RESPONSE 2: Seriously?

Oh my god, you've been worshiping him for so looong.

via: Reddit

It's called being a Christian. [heart emoji]

But just think of the convenience!

via: Reddit

That is absolutely ridiculous. I would hate to see how they draw their own blood, let alone the containers they put it in. It's not like a pair of shoes. Can't just throw them in there.

This response is 100 times better than the headline. Why would it be worth less than two quarters?! So funny, oh my god.

via: Reddit

Why??? What's it worth??? .60???

Not even the denizens of Westeros are safe from JK's retconning.

via: Reddit

RESPONSE 1: JK Rowling should shut her mouth and come up with her own ideas. RESPONSE 2: STFU and make one of your own damn characters whatever you want them to be. Jon Snow is obviously attracted to women.

We got a real hot take on Big tobacco over here.

via: Reddit

So he is encouraging young kids to not vape, just smoke cigarettes if you want to look cool. Wow Big Tobacco sure has an agenda!

PSST. They don't.

via: Reddit

How does someone make a mistake like that.

We should instead praise these kids for being so considerate.

via: Reddit

It's not like they plan on getting abducted. [shocked face emoji]

Try it, maybe you'll like it.

via: Reddit

Who wants their burger to taste like spearmint?? Who???

Allow me to present... the joke.

via: Reddit

Maybe the usage of the word "object" for a girl can be a bit offensive. How about girl's growing up to become a lady.

It'd be much more realistic if we could play as a struggling photographer who Mary Jane does not love.

via: Reddit

It's not meant to be realistic!

This gives hope to the rest of us sixes.

via: Reddit

This should not even be a thing! Got nothing better to write about? How immature.

Eminem bolts awake and asks himself: "Yo, did I make a big-ass mistake?"

via: Reddit

I hate to say it but talk about poetic justice. I know free speech gives him the right to say all that hate-filled misogynistic sh*t he was spitting out in his lyrics but it's coming back to haunt him.

Asking if we read the whole article is just *chef's kiss*.

via: Reddit

Did you read the whole article? These "scientists" sound like a bunch of morons.