In terms of internet content, Humans of New York is hard to beat. Well, you could probably expect that the most interesting and diverse city on earth would produce some truly fascinating humans. But their latest engrossing Instagram feed may be the best yet.
A woman known only as Tanqueray has shared her life story – and it’s not one to be missed. In fact, people are so obsessed with this iconic character’s life story, there have been calls for it to be turned into a screenplay. And once you read it, you’ll see why.
And so it stands to reason that the Big Apple would contain some of the weirdest and most wonderful inhabitants.
This is Brandon Stanton, an NYC-based photographer who decided he wanted to document what made his city great: the people.
He launched Humans of New York in 2010, and it was an immediate internet success.
Some are hilarious.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“Why do you want to be a fireman?”
“I said Ironman!”
“I’m going to find a job, goddamnit. Nobody is going to force me into retirement at 61. I moved to New York at the age of 35 with nothing but $1000 and a cat. I’ve reinvented myself once. And I can do it again.”
“I’m sixty-two now. I have three more years. I sold heroin. A lot of it. I had forty people working for me. If you were to ask me thirty-four years ago what it was going to be like in prison, I couldn’t have imagined. It’s been the same thing every day. Everyone I care about is gone. My mother passed. My father passed. My brother and sister. If I look backwards, I’ll lose my mind. I just try to keep busy and take it one day at a time.”
Well, it might just be the most shocking one yet.
And people of the internet can’t get enough.
And, boy oh boy, has she lived a long and fascinating life.
We’re just glad she shared her tales with us!
“My mom threw me out of the house at seventeen for getting pregnant, then had me arrested when I tried to get my clothes. Then she f***ed the head of parole to try to keep me in jail. She was some prime pussy back then.”
“The warden did some tests on me and found out I was smart, so I got a scholarship to go anywhere in New York.”
“Which I hated,” Tanqueray adds.
But while there, she learned the dressmaking skills which would change her life.
“By that time I was already getting work making costumes for the strippers and porn stars in Times Square.”
“All I did was gay bars: drag queen contests, Crisco Disco, I loved the whole scene.”
“My friend Paris used to sit at the bar and sell stolen clothes from Bergdorf and Lord and Taylors, back before they had sensor tags. So I had the best wardrobe: mink coats, 5-inch heels, stockings with seams up the back.”
“One night a Hasidic rabbi tried to pick me up because he thought I was a tranny. I had to tell him: ‘Baby, this is real fish!'”
“Back in the seventies, I was the only black girl making white girl money.”
“Black girls weren’t even allowed in some of these places. Nothing but guidos with their pinky rings and the one long fingernail they used for [drugs].”
“I even did a full twenty minutes in the place they filmed Saturday Night Fever.”
“Three grand on some trips. Every time Fort Dix had their payday, they’d bring me in as a feature and call me ‘Ms. Black Universe’ or some shit like that.”
“I had this magic trick where I’d put baby bottle tops on my nipples and squirt real milk, then I’d pull a cherry out of my G-string and feed it to the guy in the front row. But I never used dildos on stage or any s*** like that.”
“In fact, one night after a show, I caught another dancer sneaking off to the Tate Hotel with our biggest tipper. Not allowed. So the next night we put a little itching powder in her G-string.”
“Didn’t see her again until The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds. So I guess she finally fucked the right one.”
“All the adult clubs were mob-controlled. It all flowed up to some guy named Matty The Horse. Honestly, the mob guys never bothered me. They were cool, and I liked how they dressed. They wore custom made suits.”
“These guys wouldn’t even let you touch their hair when you were f***ing them.”
“I took a job from this woman named Madame Blanche. She controlled all the high dollar prostitutes back then. She was like the Internet– could get you anything you wanted. And all the powerful men came to her because she never talked. She set me up with a department store magnate who wanted a black girl dressed like a maid. I thought I could do it. But when I got to his hotel room, he wanted to spank me with a real belt. So that was it for me. I was done.”
“And don’t you dare write his name cause I can’t afford the lawyers. But he’d always spend an hour with her.”
“He’d send a car to pick her up, bring her to his hotel room, put a Secret Service agent in front of the door, and get this: all he ever did was eat her *****!”
The comments section is flooded with people shocked and fascinated by Tanqueray’s amazing life.
We can only assume Tanqueray has a ton more of these unbelievable tales.
Which has led fans to ask for one thing.
No word as yet if any networks have picked up on this – but our hopes are high. We’d be tuning in for sure.
Hungry for more weird life stories? Scroll on for the weirdest recorded ways people have died. We promise it’s far more hilarious than it sounds!