OK, confession time. Here it is... Are you ready? Here is my confession: I did not grow up with a microwave. I did not learn to use one until college. And even though I now have one in my home, it still frightens and confuses me.
I don't know why we didn't have a microwave. Maybe my mom was afraid of the waves invading our bodies and causing cancer. Maybe it was just because we had a toaster oven and a real oven and a stove and so we could pretty much heat up anything if we needed to. I don't know. What I do know is that for 18 years of my life, I did not use a microwave, and then suddenly, I lived in a dorm, and I had to figure them out. And folks, it has taken me a long time! Microwaves are confusing. All the different buttons basically mean nothing! Sometimes if you leave something in for two minutes instead of one, it explodes, and other times, it's still frozen in the middle. Microwaves are the devil! There, I said it.
If this is you and microwaves, never fear.I mean, fear a little bit, like, just enough to run and put the fire out, but then stop fearing. You are not alone.
“You should never stand in front of the microwave when it’s on, it can give off harmful waves of radiation” *Me sta… https://t.co/TVIfXszAcF— Aine (@Aine)1554201888.0
How about a microwave that heats the food instead of the plate?— Kalvonavirus (@Kalvonavirus)1469378177.0
MICROWAVE INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Poke 2 or 78 holes in film 2. Heat for 3-20 minutes. You decide 3. Gently peel back t… https://t.co/30z1E0vDXi— Justin Staggs Ⓥ (@Justin Staggs Ⓥ)1554152311.0
The fish button
If you push the fish button on a microwave it should call the police https://t.co/14lq9gcTg5— guy you keep thinking of muting (@guy you keep thinking of muting)1549552160.0
Melted white chocolate
Oh, so THIS is what melted white chocolate looks like... 😅 #oops #microwavefail #macaroonmaking #firsttry #live&learn http://t.co/Xs7LW53DVC— Cassandra Joy (@Cassandra Joy)1428205925.0
Here's a little cooking tip: If you set your microwave on fire, your first move shouldn't be to take a picture of it. Put that fire out!
Well I just set my microwave on fire so that's how my day's going pic.twitter.com/A4AVKVRmwq— Emily MacLennan (@emily_maclennan) February 18, 2015
easy mac??? more like takes three and a half minutes in the microwave and also you have to stir in the cheese packe… https://t.co/xeTpf6dzPN— Gus Democracy Johnson (@Gus Democracy Johnson)1553987213.0
Microwaving cold drinks
What if you fell in love with someone and discovered they microwave hot drinks when they get cold. Like you're just… https://t.co/XXXhSOEHK6— Bolu Babalola (@Bolu Babalola)1529435469.0
How to soften butter in the microwave: 1) Microwave for 5 seconds 2) Look at it and say “hmm, still too hard” 3) Mi… https://t.co/m9mGItkkYC— The Dad (@The Dad)1524158581.0
There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and no matter what you cook in there your microwave smells like hotdogs.— Abbi Crutchfield (@Abbi Crutchfield)1516630331.0
My daughter and I just had a really sweet bonding moment. She asked to help me cook dinner, so I held her up and le… https://t.co/Ais8Mb6roy— SpacedMom (@SpacedMom)1524099923.0
Not microwave safe
So that bowl shouldn't have went in the microwave? #fail http://t.co/nfbRHiEqnd— Nicci Lowrey (@Nicci Lowrey)1396919174.0
Cooling down for cowards
Letting stuff sit in the microwave to cool down or “finish cooking” is for cowards.— Jeff Gerstmann (@Jeff Gerstmann)1553440157.0
Cold in the middle
Wow. Yeah. I get this. Unfortunately. My food is cold in the middle, and now, my heart is too.
Do you ever cook something in the microwave but it's still really cold in the middle and you just keep eating it instead of heating it longer because everything is pointless and entropy is unavoidable and the universe is filled with callous and casual destruction— [[[King Crocoduck]]] (@KingCrocoduck) March 23, 2019
Listen, frozen meal instructions, never in the history of owning microwaves have I known the wattage of any microwave— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@Salty Mermaid Entertainment)1533128426.0
What the food sees
What my food sees when the microwave dings: https://t.co/jONNahIEKn— Lauren (@Lauren)1554175869.0
Hm. I don't think microwaves are supposed to do that. This is it. This is the singularity. The microwaves are taking over.
When your microwave demands a sacrifice. pic.twitter.com/d2OrWRvGLM— You Had One Job (@YouHadOneJ0B) March 23, 2019
when your sister puts cheetos in the microwave and starts a fire...😂😂 http://t.co/2Gm9Fir8EZ— lil (@lil)1438290182.0
And this should summarize my cooking abilities... #microwavedisaster http://t.co/Eg7AHoNEeq— Laura Hettiger (@Laura Hettiger)1427273893.0
Put cake in the microwave for 5 mins instead of 30 seconds and my microwave was on fire and ended up with a rock http://t.co/vl7TzXP3iK— cb (@cb)1432069448.0
Archaeologist 1: she must have died suddenly, a mug of tea was still in her microwave Archaeologist 2: actually we… https://t.co/YUKvRPxbwf— Pigeon Fancier (@Pigeon Fancier)1514581353.0
In the microwave
You can tell a lot about a person by how clean their microwave is. If it's super gross, get out of there before it's too late.
next time you go over to a girls/boys house look in her microwave and under her toilet seat, that’ll tell you all you need to know— dchainz (@CyberBully187) March 24, 2019
So I guess it's not microwaveable safe... Veggies were still good though. #microwavefail http://t.co/CDknqhm— Marissa Bailey (@Marissa Bailey)1315450310.0
But when you defrost things in the microwave it sort of semi cooks them AND I CANT DEAL WITH THAT. Ok I think I sho… https://t.co/EsI18PScJB— kate ford (@kate ford)1553370011.0
The fish stick lesson
Cook fish sticks for a kid & she'll eat for a day But TEACH a kid to microwave her own fish stick and, well, she'll start a fish stick fire— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn)1449682246.0
Microwave potato fire
Microwave potato fire! I stopped dropped and rolled but that didn't seem to help the potato... http://t.co/nbAR7BURl7— Christian Iddon (@Christian Iddon)1438117530.0
My 7yo called me up. Tells me that she made me a brownie at school today and that it was in the microwave for me to… https://t.co/QD2UdLEvo2— Christopher Koentz (@Christopher Koentz)1554168614.0
Microwaved cat food
Things I 'as learned today... Don't be tempted to warm cat food in its packet. Not for a second! #Fire… https://t.co/X1x3YQjBeU— Julie Platt (@Julie Platt)1492542412.0
My housemate's attempt at drying her bra in the microwave... #fail http://t.co/mUroYhNp— Annie Morton (@Annie Morton)1332050575.0