These People Can't Cook Even Using the Microwave | 22 Words

OK, confession time. Here it is... Are you ready? Here is my confession: I did not grow up with a microwave. I did not learn to use one until college. And even though I now have one in my home, it still frightens and confuses me.

I don't know why we didn't have a microwave. Maybe my mom was afraid of the waves invading our bodies and causing cancer. Maybe it was just because we had a toaster oven and a real oven and a stove and so we could pretty much heat up anything if we needed to. I don't know. What I do know is that for 18 years of my life, I did not use a microwave, and then suddenly, I lived in a dorm, and I had to figure them out. And folks, it has taken me a long time! Microwaves are confusing. All the different buttons basically mean nothing! Sometimes if you leave something in for two minutes instead of one, it explodes, and other times, it's still frozen in the middle. Microwaves are the devil! There, I said it.

If this is you and microwaves, never fear.

I mean, fear a little bit, like, just enough to run and put the fire out, but then stop fearing. You are not alone.

Staring

If they were like, "Go ahead! Get as close as you want for as long as you want!" I wouldn't want to. But because it's bad for you, I want to do it.

New concept

What an idea! Get this personal a Nobel Peace Prize. I can't even imagine living in a world of such luxury.

Instructions

No matter what the instructions are, following them will not yield the desired results. But neither will not following them. It's a real catch-22.

The fish button

People hate when coworkers heat up fish in the office microwave. But to me, it just smells fishy. Not pleasant, but there's nothing extra bad about the microwave fish smell. Am I missing something?

Melted white chocolate

This is just one of many, many, many, many, many, many reasons never to eat white chocolate. There's clearly something strange happening here.

Actual fire

Here's a little cooking tip: If you set your microwave on fire, your first move shouldn't be to take a picture of it. Put that fire out!

Easy Mac

Easy Mac doesn't seem so easy anymore, does it? That's like, a whole four minutes of work! It's unconscionable.

Microwaving cold drinks

She's so right. I cannot put it into words, but it is so disturbing to think of someone doing this. Just toss it, buddy!

Softening butter

It is impossible to soften butter in the microwave. It's 2019; you'd think they'd have figured this out by now. But no.

Hotdog microwave

This is so true. And I have, I believe, never once cooked a hotdog in my microwave. But it still smells like a meat log.

Dinner helper

Aw, how sweet! This girl will grow up around microwaves so she won't get to college and ask her roommate, "How long should I microwave ice cream to soften it up? Like a minute?" Which is a thing I did.

Not microwave safe

Some bowls are not microwave-safe and this is exactly why you should confirm before you nuke it.

Cooling down for cowards

If you won't reach in with your bare hands to handle the scorching hot Lean Cuisine, you are a coward, sir.

Cold in the middle

Wow. Yeah. I get this. Unfortunately. My food is cold in the middle, and now, my heart is too.

Microwave wattage

I mean, seriously, this is 2019. Microwaves are microwaves. None of them work properly. Everything is terrible.

What the food sees

This is great for this person, but I never look that excited when my microwaved food is ready. Unless it's popcorn. I love popcorn.

Sacrifice

Hm. I don't think microwaves are supposed to do that. This is it. This is the singularity. The microwaves are taking over.

Microwaved Cheetos

I'm almost never sad to see Cheetos. But I am sad to see these Cheetos.

Cooking abilities

What is that?! Is it oatmeal? Hummus? Baby puke? It could honestly be any of these and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

Five minutes

How do you accidentally nuke a cake for five minutes instead of 30 seconds? That's way too long!

Teacup

If you have ever heated up some water in the microwave and then completely forgotten about it for the next seven days, this tweet is for you.

In the microwave

You can tell a lot about a person by how clean their microwave is. If it's super gross, get out of there before it's too late.

Warped

Nooooo! Oh my goodness, I would not eat those veggies. Something happened to that plastic. That broccoli is probably full of toxic chemicals.

Defrosting

But really, this is unacceptable! This is like, the one task that a microwave would be really great for, and it can't even get it right.

The fish stick lesson

Why is it a faux pas to microwave fish but it's very standard to microwave fish sticks? That's fish too!

Microwave potato fire

I have never seen a sadder-looking potato. It looks like a burnt hoagie roll. This is what microwaves do to food. It's terrible.

Brown E

What a cruel and perfect joke, and I'm jealous of this 7-year-old's comedic skills. Also, now I really want a brownie.

Microwaved cat food

Why would you ever warm up cat food in a microwave?! Your cat would eat a raw, dead mouse. His Fancy Feast can be room temperature.

Microwaved bra

Yeah, there's metal in those things. But now a warm bra sounds like a perfect idea. Share this with someone who knows the struggle is real.