19 People Whose 'Lifetime Supply' of Something Didn't Exactly Last a Lifetime | 22 Words

Companies often attempt to generate product buzz by creating contests in which customers can win a 'lifetime supply of their product.'

Yet, when you stop to think about it, this relatively common promotion is a somewhat bizarre and arbitrary practice.

For example, what exactly is a 'lifetime supply' of any one thing, anyway? And whose lifespan are we even talking about here, 'cause last time I checked, the lifespans of humans tend to vary quite greatly.

Not to mention, people generally tend to view having "a lot of something" as a good thing. But even when having a lot of something is a good thing, eventually 'a lot' can become 'too much,' and too much of a good thing is essentially the same as a boatload of crap.

Ultimately, there are a lot of factors that play into whether or not a lifetime supply of something is going to end up being a prized possession or a pain-in-the-butt. 

These 19 people won a lifetime supply of 'something,' and their stories reveal that this peculiar promotional practice is, all in all, quite the mixed bag...

This 'lifetime supply' prize is seriously cool beans.

I won a lifetime supply of coffee beans in a contest. Each month they mail 4 lbs. of excellent quality coffee beans of my choice. Sometimes I give them away as gifts as I can't use them all. -Back2Bach I feel like she might as well have just literally rubbed our faces in her excellent quality coffee beans, smiled, and then walked away. But can we really blame her? What an amazing luxury to never have to worry about running out of coffee (which is the worst, by the way) and to always have a gift on hand when you need one. Man! Who are these mystery bean mailers and when is their next contest?

Is it even physically possible to hit puberty while being hand-delivered big boxes of Crayola crayons twice a year?

When I was a kid, Crayola was running a create a new color contest. If you won, your color went in one of their big boxes of crayons, and you got a lifetime supply of crayons when they retire colors and make new ones. I made Swamp Green and won. They send me a new big box of crayons 1-2 times a year and have been doing it for 20+ years. -Jobiwankenobi85 There's just no way that this constant incursion of crayons didn't turn this guy into a real-life version of Tom Hanks in Big.  Sure, he looks like a fully-grown adult, but underneath the baggy suit, a Crayola-crazed 12-year-old boy is waiting for the mailman to deliver his next fix.

Now, this granny had affordable healthcare!

Back in the 60's, my grandmother (who was rich then) had purchased a health insurance policy with no deductible or co-pay for $116/mo. The premium was for a lifetime, and would never go up. And it was absolutely carte blanche. Pay for nothing, ever. Over the years, that insurance company would be bought and sold, and there was always some scam they would try to get her to 'upgrade' or change policies. Some would even try to bully her. She had a lawyer (whom she outlived) that said, no matter what, don't do anything. Any company that buys them out has to honor your policy. It is for a lifetime. Just don't miss a payment. She out-lived a number of insurance companies (and her money). She lived until age 90 and had excellent health insurance until the day she died of old age. -islander238 Sounds like granny was straight up a stone cold soldier when it came to her pocketbook. If she can outsmart attornies and outlive insurance companies, just imagine what she'd do to someone who tried to swipe her handbag.

This expiration date error is bound to keep this winner entertained for the next century... if he doesn't blow it.

About 4 years ago, I won a cinema premier card, which entitled me to two free movies a week for the duration of a year. The cinema chain dragged their feet when it came to delivering the prize, but I persisted and eventually received the card a few months later. Turns out the card has lasted for longer than a year, still currently in use and set to expire in 2116. -Jakes1WP Shouldn't he maybe keep this potential expiration date typo (2116 as opposed to 2016) on the down-low, if he wants to keep things as they currently are and how they'll remain for the next one hundred years, that is if he can manage to keep his big mouth shut?

Superbowl or Sue.

Around the year 2000, Pepsi was having a competition. If you looked under the caps and found 2 seats together (example: seat 1 row 1, seat 2 row 1), you would get tickets to the Super Bowl.

The problem is that Pepsi put all of the seats together in the same shipment accidentally. My brother and his friend got seats together and sent them in. Pepsi wrote back and said they couldn’t honor it.

They threatened to sue and eventually, Pepsi sent a check for $5000. My brother got half and after taxes got around $1400. He helped me buy my first car.

-tipdastrip

A year's worth of beer, for an extremely conservative drinker.

A colleague of mine won a "year's supply of beer" from a craft brewery in an office raffle. They sent her one bottle of beer a month. 12 beers total. According to this craft beer company, my husband drinks a year's worth of beer over the weekend. I really need to have a talk with him.

There's a loophole in the center of every doughnut.

I have a Dunkin Donuts lifetime free card. Won it in a competition about a year and a half ago organized by them. It had about 1000 participants, and I was the winner. So I get free donuts for a lifetime (the catch is that I can get it only once a week, have to eat it in the outlet itself and can't share with anyone else). -wales_huobi Eating doughnuts alone inside the store once a week while the employees watch to make sure you're not sharing with anyone doesn't sound all that appealing after all.

While even big brands, like Vitamin Water, don't seem to know how to keep their prize promises, they sure do manage to make up for it in other ways.

Not a lifetime, but I won a years supply of vitamin water. I was kinda freaking out because it was supposed to be a couple pallets worth of water and I live in a very tiny apartment and also, do not like vitamin water. When it finally got time for them to ship it out, they decided to just give me a $900 visa gift card. Was pumped about that. -caitybates

Sour Warheads aren't meant to last forever.

My sister won a lifetime supply of sour warhead candies, but they stopped sending them after a few years. I think it was a blessing that they stopped actually. -joshs85 We have to agree, Josh. While we don't know your sister personally, we do know that the phrases "lifetime supply" and "Sour Warheads" are rarely, if ever, used responsibly within the same sentence.

"Once you pop, you MUST stop."

My friend won a "lifetime supply" of Pringles. She got something like 300 cans of Pringles, and they were gone in a few months, but she lives on. -pinch Honestly, Pringles, 300 cans for a lifetime? Try a year, tops. I mean, hypothetically, my two-year-old could eat an entire can of Pringles for breakfast. Okay, fine. My two-year-old eats an entire can of Pringles for breakfast, most days, anyway.

However, when a company DOES deliver, you'll probably end up hating them and their product, anyway.

A lifetime supply of Redhots, I legit fucking hate Redhots and they just sent me another supply this last weekend. I HATE RED HOTS! -GuardingxCross Perhaps, it's time for this guy to look into canceling his lifetime subscription, as we don't see this attitude improving over time, or with more Redhots.

Well, one thing is certain: LEGOS lose out to National Geographic in the customer loyalty department.

About fifteen years ago LEGO did a thing where there were gold tabs on the corners of instruction manuals. If you collected enough and mailed them in you'd get a lifetime subscription to the magazine. My brother and I spent all our allowance on sets during that time and got enough to send in! We got the magazine for probably about five years after that, we even moved and got the address changed a few times. They stopped after a while though and would restart for a few months after we called, but eventually, we never heard back. My grandparents bought my dad a lifetime subscription to national geographic as a kid. We have mountains of those yellow pages. When he had no fixed address, they would save all the issues and then ship out the bundle when they found him again. National Geographic > LEGO. -c-flower

This guy's lifetime ended up being quite a bit longer than the lifetime of his prize's technology.

I got free internet through an Oak Ridge National Labs (ORNL) program for middle school students in 1994 (Sacam). I used it consistently for something like 10 years, but at that point, dial-up was so far behind Cable or DSL that I just kind of stopped using it. I honestly don't know if it would even work anymore as I've had no reason to try it. -tehm Wait. No reason to try it? How about just to see if this dinosaur technology even still works! Plus, he really shouldn't be so quick to dismiss a lifetime of free AOL. Doesn't he know that antiques accumulate value over time?

Here's a guy who really learned a thing or two in College.

Basically, when I was attending university, I noticed that the Coca-Cola I bought near the school just SUCKED. Like it didn't taste like Coca-Cola at all, more like an RC mixed with Pepsi. I commented on this to all my friends, and they had no clue what I was talking about, but I could blind test cokes from home versus "university cokes" and get it right every time. Eventually, I sent an e-mail to Coca-Cola basically just asking why the Cokes in Cookeville sucked so much and could they fix it. They (quite surprisingly) took it seriously and asked for numbers of the affected cans tracked it down to the bottler (canner?) and had it fixed within 6 weeks. Sent me a stack of just hundreds of silver "free 12 pack of any coke product" coupons and thanked me for my time. Worked out great. Still had over a hundred of them left at the end of the year. -tehm

Turns out that a 'lifetime supply' of corndogs actually is just two week's worth.

I won a one year supply of corn dogs once. I was working for a radio station, and we wanted to have a screening for a movie about the white stripes. Well, the promotion company that the white stripes went through accidentally (or maybe on purpose) sent us a box full of promotional stuff for national Corn Dog Day along with all the White Stripes promotional stuff. In the corn dog day promotional box, there were tickets for a year’s supply of corn dogs. I took a ticket to a grocery store to redeem it and apparently a year's worth of corn dogs is actually 48 corn dogs. I ate all the corn dogs over about two weeks, and I will never eat another corn dog again.
-exactly_average So basically, the White Stripes were right on with their assessment of approximately how many corndogs is enough corndogs for life. In fact, they may have even been a tad generous with this approximation as we're not even sure that a human body can withstand the ingestion of 48 corndogs. No worries though, you can always take them to go, and then you'll have a snack while you wait to find out exactly where you're headed next.

Here's yet another great reason to never buy a gym membership.

I bought a lifetime membership to a gym once. They closed down 3 weeks later without notice. I even asked if they were closing due to all the construction crew, but they said they were just renovating. Assholes. -Sunder92

Venison, beef, and pork. Oh, my.

My cousin won a lifetime supply of meat from the local butcher. He gets up to 5kg a month, and he chooses the meat. I thought he would be getting shitty quality stuff, but the butcher keeps providing. It’s been 5 years now, and my cousin got venison, beef, pork and wild boar. -Deathowler

We're not sure if these Jokers' prize was rice for life or sodium 'til death.

My brother went on the Jokers Wild in the early 80's when he was in California in the Navy. The prize he got was Rice-a-Roni, he got a crate till he passed away. He would get 32 boxes 3 times a year IIRC. Assorted flavors. -c3h8pro While we're happy to hear that Jokers Wild kept their word in the Rice-o-Roni department, we must admit that we're just the slightest bit curious (concerned) over this said rice-winner's exact cause of death. Although, regardless, 96 boxes of Rice-o-Roni per year is undoubtedly a lifetime's worth of sodium, so it appears as if these Joker's kept up their end of the deal.

If you're still on the fence as to whether or not "lifetime supply" giveaways are hit or miss promotions, let this last one seal the deal.

We had a new local hamburger place that offered a lifetime of free burgers to the first ten people who purchased a burger at there new flagship store. #1 Fights broke out as people lined up two days before launch. #2 Local police officers were forced to confirm the first ten people in line and hand out vouchers before the store opening. #3 Yellow tape was placed instructing for people NOT to wait in line. #4 The place went out of business six months later. -chopinrocks After thoroughly reviewing these 'lifetime supply' prize examples, we can see that there are a few exceptions where people were rightfully thrilled with their lifetime supplies. But more often than not, people usually either received too much of something or not enough. Or, of course, not a damn thing. Personally, I'd be bathing in those "excellent quality coffee beans," and running for the hills from the Rice-0-Roni train, but hey, that's just me. Which of these lifetime supplies would you choose if you could? And, equally important, which one would you avoid like the plague? And if you feel like hosting your own little 'lifetime supply' contest, just share this with someone who's in need of a lifetime of laughter!