25 Perfect Drunk Texts That Will Have You Rolling on The Floor

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Drunk texts: we all send them. Well, most of us.

Or at least those of us who can’t help but get tipsy and tell someone something we’ve decided is incredibly important, even if we can’t spell any of the words we are trying to say.

Here are some of the funniest drunk texts anyone has ever sent. And of course, were unfortunately captured by their friends and family. Damn you, screenshots!

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Sometimes when you’re drunk it is very important you go straight to the FBI.

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They will for sure be able to decode your drunk texting.

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Have you ever been so drunk you texted yourself thinking you were talking to someone else?

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This person has.

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Moms can drunk text, too!

  via Twitter  

She just had one little glass of wine with dinner, she swears!

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Don’t get drunk and text your tutor.

  via Twitter  

He didn’t even text back, rough.

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Just because this person’s mom is drunk doesn’t mean she’s not fancy anymore.

  via Twitter  

Get that woman an Oreo-encrusted donut, stat. Keep reading for more hilarious texts!

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This person was just watching out for themselves.

  via Twitter  

If nobody else is going to do it, do it for yourself.

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This person has some strange beliefs about avocados that honestly don’t sound entirely off base.

  via Twitter  

If you get drunk enough, the truth about avocados is revealed to you.

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This makes perfect sense and seems completely logical.

  via Reddit  

Why didn’t we think of this?

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“Why does my mate’s 2 am drunk text read like a middle English poem?”

  via Twitter  

But, seriously, why?

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How drunk do you have to be to text your mom about the guy you’re into and how great his calves are?

  via Twitter  

This drunk, apparently. Did you know that a lot of people get drunk and text their Uber drivers? See evidence of this on the next page.

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We all have that one friend.

  via Twitter  

Do.not.open.those.files.

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A few hours later, this person remembers to thank the Uber Eats driver for all he did for her.

  via Twitter  

We don’t thank them enough, really.

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Ever been so drunk you tried to hack into your own bank account?

  via Twitter  

And failed?

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At some point we all get so drunk we think our bird puns are good.

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Or sexy? It’s hard to tell.

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Regrets: she’s had a few.

  via Reddit  

Hopefully soon a little bundle of joy will cheer her up. By that, I mean a burrito. Oh, don’t worry, there’s more. Keep reading.

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Level of drunkenness: Can only send photos of seafood.

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I aspire to reach this one day.

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How dare you show up at my house to drive me somewhere after I specifically asked you to?

  via Twitter  

He was rude, imo.

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Uh oh, make sure you check your contacts before texting.

  via Twitter  

You might accidentally call your mom a chicken soup biatch.

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Also, try not to drunk text your landlord.

  via Twitter  

And ask for pics.

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This person is a legend.

  via Twitter  

Sometimes you actually need 20 whistles, though. Need more drunk texts to make yourself feel better about the ones you sent? We got you, keep reading.

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What is going ON at this person’s house?

  via Twitter  

Nevermind, honestly it’s better not to know.

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A surprising amount of people text their delivery person drunk.

  via Twitter  

When you don’t have an ex to text, but you do love pizza.

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This is not a drunk text.

  via imgur.com  

Oh, wait it obviously was.

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Yes, that is definitely the capital of New Jersey.

  via imgur.com  

And thank you for sharing about your mouth vomit.

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It’s 3 am, Kristina has questions about her insurance policy.

  via Twitter  

What happened, Kristina? Share this post on social media! Maybe after you’ve had a few?

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