Perfect Tweets for Anyone on the Struggle Bus to Adulthood | 22 Words

OK, real talk for a second: I am a couple of weeks away from turning 30. Mostly, I feel fine about it. Mostly, I am actually really excited about it! Finally, I will no longer be floundering in my twenties, directionless and unstable. Oh, I will still be directionless and unstable, but at least I will be 30, so it will seem like I am that way on purpose. More than anything, I can't wait to finally have an acceptable excuse to not do the things I already skip out on but have no good excuse for. "I can't come to your comedy show at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday. I'm 30!" "No, I can't do a shot of tequila with you. I'm 30!" You get the picture.

So, in that way, 30 will be glorious. And yet, I can't seem to fully escape the thoughts that many people who are trying to navigate adulthood have. I spend a disproportionate amount of my life now experiencing new and different bodily pains and deciding whether or not their warrant a visit to the doctor. I get excited about cleaning my house. I legit never go to bed past 10, and if I am forced to, I get cranky. For all the perks of being an adult, there are also drawbacks that we never considered when we were kids and perpetually dreaming of the day we could live our own lives.

Responsibilities really smack you in the face the second you enter adulthood, huh?

It's not fun. Sure, you live alone now and can keep the lights on all night long if you want, but then you have to pay that electric bill.

Early 20s

Ah, your early 20s. What a preposterous time in a person's life. In your early 20s, you no doubt learn that nothing good ever happens after 11 p.m.

A scam

And once you're 25, you think by 30, you'll have all the answers. At least at 30, you realize you'll never know what you're doing and no one else knows either.

Favorite burner

Bottom left FTW! At least on my current stove. It's the strongest, the most robust, the most beautiful burner... What? I'm not in love with it or anything.

Morning cold

But seriously, this. I wake up almost every morning with a runny nose. By the time I'm up and dressed, it's gone. What is this?!

One week

This is super real, though. Every week I'm like, "After this week, things will calm down." Every single week.

Grunting

I am so ashamed of some of the involuntary noises I already make because I'm an adult and doing everyday things has become uncomfortable.

Big old letters

Everyone in my life makes fun of me because I made the text on my phone as big as it can possibly be, but it's easier to see! Why wouldn't I make it easier to see?

Food at home

This is the worst. I'm really bad at this. "Sure, we have all the ingredients to make dinner, or I could order dinner and wait for food to be delivered to me while I watch One Day at a Time."

Favorite grocery store

Not only do I have a favorite grocery store, but I also have different grocery stores that I buy certain things because they specialize in different things.

The sneeze effect

Oh really? Well, I am throw-my-neck-out-by-turning-my-neck-a-teeny-bit years old, so I think I'm older.

Expectation vs. reality

To be fair, the crippling responsibility and baseline depression do often result in late night ice cream, which encompasses all three of the top items, so...

So many dishes

There are so many dishes. Always. All the time. I could be doing dishes 24/7 and still not do all the dishes.

Buying tissues

You know you've really made it when you actually start spending money on things like tissues, and like, serving utensils.

Night texts

Legit someone texted me at 9:15 last night and even though I wasn't in bed yet, I was close enough that I was like, "Ugh, I'll deal with that in the morning."

Parking the car

As a kid, the adult you were with would do it for you, but now, you have to lock it in there! You have to use so many parts of your brain just to like, go shopping.

Chex mix

I always loved the rye slices in Chex Mix, but I get this. Lately, I've been surprising myself by saying things like, "Mm, these pretzels are pretty good."

Staring into the void

Oh, me and the void? We're tight. We go way back, actually, but we were only acquaintances for a while. Now, the void and I are like BFFs. We get closer every day.

Adult acne

What the actual heck? My acne is worse now than it's been in years. Adult acne is extremely unfair.

New toothpaste

What is this cool toothpaste pump? I want one! Uh oh, this is how adulthood gets ya.

Every nap

The thing about being an adult is that you can technically nap anytime you want, but you can't nap because you feel too guilty about not being productive.

Tax returns

I'm really excited to see how much my tax return is because that exact amount gets to go into my savings account. Woo.

Postponed breakdowns

It would feel really luxurious to just break down whenever you felt like it. But there are too many chores to do.

No recognition

That's the thing they don't tell you about adulthood. You don't get a special reward for cleaning the fridge. Your only reward is that you have a clean fridge, and that hardly seems worth it.

A metaphor

Netflix Australia/New Zealand gets what adulthood is like. You are speeding ahead and you can barely keep up.

Favorite childhood memory

Oh man, those were good times. I remember those days. Hopping out of bed after a solid night's sleep...being totally comfortable...

Replacing your sponge

I really wish this didn't give me as much joy as it does, but it gives me so much. So much joy.

Yoga for lower back pain

At least when you have lower back pain, there are a bunch of YouTube videos you can watch and pretend to do to take care of it.

8 p.m. movie

Now that all movies are two hours long, minimum, no I will not be starting a movie at 8 p.m.

Trash

Well, there ya have it. Share this with someone at the same terrible stage of adulthood!