Hilarious White Lies That People Actually Got Away With | 22 Words

Everyone has lied at some point in their life. Hopefully, the lies you tell are very small ones that don't harm anyone (although that doesn't make it right to share them, of course). In the best case scenario, those harmless, white lies are also vastly entertaining or even downright hilarious. Those are the lies we're going to be reading about today.

A recent AskReddit thread gave people the opportunity to share their greatest lie — it might be a lie they told to get out of getting in trouble or a simple, off-the-cuff remark that led to greater and greater lies as time went on. One thing all of these lies have in common is that they're pretty darn hilarious. I'm not saying everyone should lie all the time, but if your lies are even half as entertaining as the ones on this list, there are certainly worse things you could do.

I'm impressed.

When I was 13-14 I was kicking a soccer ball around inside the house. I used to love running around the house dribbling cutting in and out around the furniture. My mom would get on to me repeatedly about it, saying it was only a matter of time before something broke, blah blah, whatever. One day she leaves to run to the store right after scolding me about "that damn ball." Me being me, as soon as she leaves I naturally start dribbling around and end up accidentally kicking the ball through a window pane, shattering the window. Glass everywhere. I start freaking out because this was literally my mom's only rule. So being the smart 13-year-old, and realizing I have close to 5 minutes to fix the situation before all hell breaks loose. My genius idea is to scoop up all of the glass that was kicked outside and throw it back INSIDE, to make it look like I was playing with the ball OUTSIDE-- not inside. I figured she would be much less upset at me if I was playing outside in the yard. I vacuumed all of the loose glass inside and sat on a bench outside until she came back. I played it off perfectly. My plan worked effortlessly — I should've just blamed it on my brother in hindsight.LegendsAlwaysDie

I guess they were prepared.

When I was 14, I was at a Boy Scout camp for a week, and a few friends of mine and I were playing tag around our camp. One of our heavier members ran over to the camp table and jumped onto the bench. It broke the nails and the table completely fell apart. We tried to put it back together before the leaders got back from whatever meeting they were at, but we were running out of time, so instead, we got the camp ax and broke the table apart. Then we spread it out in the woods as far away from our camp as we could, then we found a campsite who’s troop wasn’t there and stole their table. A few hours later the troop stopped by asking if we had seen their table. We never told anyone.Sith_Spawn

Secret level.

I told some people in my elementary school there was a secret level in Super Mario 64. I was jealous that everyone had a Nintendo 64 and my family couldn't afford one. So I convinced people not only that I did have an N64, but also that I had found a secret level that they didn't know about.jpterodactyl

Snow day!

Our local news station announces school closings for snow and ice. Apparently, they believe anyone who emails them. I was the "principal" of ten or so different schools. Ended up getting like 4,000 kids outta School the next day.TheConflictPigeon

I definitely have a dog.

I was 20 when I got my first internship. I was eating lunch when everyone in the office started talking about their pets. Someone asked me if I had a pet and I reflexively answered yes. No idea why my brain panicked and did that, but it’s weird to say “yeah I have a dog. I mean...no I don’t." So I just went with it. Turns out, there are a lot of pictures of cute puppies on the internet and it makes a great excuse to leave early when Chester has an appointment with the vet.YungEngineer95

This is American Idol!

I told my English class in grade 9 or 10 that I had tried out for American Idol, even though I'm Canadian. I was home sick the day of the tryouts, so I had a pretty good set up I thought. One of the guys called me on my shit, asked me to bring in my "paper number" the thing that the contestants wear on their shirt to give them an "ID number." My dad used to do bike races, he had a bunch of those things, I cut off the top that said "British Columbia Racing" or something like that and brought that in, the guy was flabbergasted. My teacher then asked me what song I sang, So I said, "I just wanted to get on TV so I sang the Pokemon Theme song!" Teacher, then wanted me to sing it, but I said I was too shy. No one ever asked me about it again. Sorry, Brian, you got me, you deserve to know.sixesand7s

This would never work today.

When I was a teenager I had a group of friends who liked to just drive around and smoke weed. My mom would always wait up but since she's the type who prefers to fall asleep around 9 pm she was pretty groggy by the time curfew rolled around. One night I looked at the clock and was going to be late so I called home. Keep in mind it's the 90s and we have a landline phone. I have an extension in my room. mom answers and without thinking- Me: "Oh, I've got the phone, mom. It's for me. You can go to sleep. Sorry if it woke you up." Mom- "you're home?" Me: "yeah... Have been for a while. Sorry, I thought you were asleep. G'night mom." To which she grumbled and fell back asleep. I snuck in a few hours later through the back sliding door.fantasykingdom

Hablas Español?

My wife and I were in Mexico, stopped at a convenience store to get some snacks and stuff. The clerk told her how much it was, in Spanish. My wife looked confused for a moment, so I repeated the total for her in English. I could tell it made an impression on her. For a long time after, when talking about foreign languages she would tell people how quickly I pick up on it when traveling. I know this was when she first formed that opinion. I've never told her, I read the number on the cash register.junkeee999

The long con.

I did a deposit at the bank the business I work for uses about 6 months ago as a quick favor before a shift and the manager remarked to an employee that had his back turned to me while I was there that he appreciated his "Senegalese attention to detail." Fast forward 2 months later and I go in and do another deposit at the same bank but this time it's with the Senegalese guy and I asked him how to pronounce his last name while we were making small talk and he tells me how and that its French. So I do a squinty look like I'm thinking really hard and say "that would make you...Senegalese?" He slapped the table with both hands and had the biggest smile on his face like he was blown away that I had guessed right. In total disbelief that an American had deduced that so quickly. So he asks me how I knew he was from there and I just said he didn't look like he was from Tunisia or Algeria so Senegal was a safe bet and he told me that was great reasoning.ThinkDeepThought

Almost got away with it!

My best friend has a funny, cool older brother named Jason. We all went to church together and eventually me and my buddy got old enough for youth group where Jason was. Well the first time I ever met my youth pastor, Jason turns to me and says "Hey make up a fake name and just roll with it." The youth pastor was similar to Jason in that they both were big jokesters so I shook his hand and said: “Hi, I’m Derick Johnson" (not my real name). He welcomed me and then left to prepare his lesson. Obviously, my buddies and I lose it and burst out laughing as soon as he walks away. Soon enough he starts his lesson and I’m waiting until after to tell him I’m not Derick Johnson. Well as I’m about to break the news, Jason stops me and convinces me to keep it going. Says it’ll fade out eventually. It did not. We got super into it and eventually, it became natural. 2 entire years spent of conditioning myself to only respond to “Derick" when called by people at church and my real name everywhere else. We would go on a bunch of field trips to various places including Disney where my ticket even said Derick Johnson on it. One day we were paintballing and my pastor and I began talking about life. He asked what my dad does for a living and I talked about the software distribution company he works for. Apparently 25 years ago my youth pastor ALSO worked for the same company...and sat next to my dad who he plays golf with regularly. That was quite a moment to get caught in haha.bonybug

The perks of being a teacher's pet.

One of my teachers in 8th grade gave me a zero for a project I didn’t turn in. I told her I did it and handed it in. She said that she felt bad that she lost my work and that I wasn’t getting credit for all of the effort I put into the assignment, so she gave me 100 for a project I never did. I’m a goody two shoes, so the fact that I did that AND got away with it still blows my mind to this day.LimeLizardz

The parents in this story are total bros.

I was interviewing for a bunch of exclusive private high schools. During one of my interviews, the lady asked what worldly current events I cared about. I froze and couldn't think of any news story at all lol. I paused and just said "the war," and BURST out crying uncontrollably because I had nothing else to say on the matter except "it sucks." So I am crying and the lady goes "oh no! sweetheart, do you know someone overseas?" And I just nodded and she apologized profusely. When it came time for my parents to join us in the interview, she told my parents she was sorry about our family member fighting in Iraq. They just looked at her and nodded, didn't say anything, had no idea what she was talking about. Anyways, this woman fell in love with me and said I was such a uniquely compassionate 13-year-old. She ended up calling our house the night we were supposed to tell them if I would attend or not. I felt bad but I ended up somewhere else.2timechampion

You can never tell them.

There is a social circle I am in that all think I am 4 years older than I am. It originated as a way for underage me to get a drink in a bar, and well I never exposed the truth. So now a couple dozen friends and even a couple short-lived girlfriends all think that I am exactly 4 years older than I am. I have been to birthdays, engagement parties, and even a wedding with these people. I still regularly go out to get drinks with this group. We play some sports together, we watch a lot of movies, we have good times and bad. But my life has this big 4-year gap in it that, through years of stories and questions, has become a false period. Effectively I took two parts of my life and expanded them to make the dates add up. I lived in Brazil before college, but to this group that was three years instead of one. And I lived in New Zealand after college, but again, one year becomes three. False dates for graduations and different steps in life have been a little hard to keep track of, but I manage. Honestly, I only don't tell them because of how long it has been. Plenty of these people are younger than I claim to be, but I fear the awkwardness of exposing a lie they have believed for years.goodnt-guy

This one is my favorite!

7th Grade English, we have a project to pick any long novel, read it and do an oral book report to the class with a Q&A. I pick The Shining, and had I given it a shot I would have realized it's a page-turner, but to 7th grade me it just looks like a long book that is not as fun as video games. The Teacher set aside a few minutes of each class for us to just sit and read our book. Leading up to the deadline, she sees that I haven't read very much, and keeps badgering me that I need to be reading more at home. I keep assuring her that I'm a fast reader, I'll catch up quickly, I'll get it done, etc. Cut to the day before my presentation: I, of course, rent the movie instead. I watch it TWICE just to be sure. I do my presentation, being as vague about the plot as I can get away with, and throw in some BS about my opinions on Stephen King's writing style that I looked up on the internet. I take questions from my classmates, no problem. But Teacher appears skeptical this whole time. I mean, there is a very popular movie based on this book, and I was not on pace to have any chance at finishing this thing...it doesn't take a genius to be suspicious. And I know we have to end by letting HER ask a question, so I'm a little worried. Finally, I ask her for her question. Teacher: "Yes, I was wondering if you could tell us some of the major differences between the book and the movie." My heart sinks for just a moment, and then I come up with it: "I'm sorry, I don't know.....I never saw the movie." I am terrible at thinking on my feet, so I'm proud of that moment.Orange_Kid

This one took some planning.

I accidentally broke a window when I was doing target practice with my crossbow in the backyard. So I told my dad that someone threw a rock through the window while I was inside making food. I planted the evidence, aka, found a big rock outside and brought it in and made the hole a bit bigger to fit. –Paladin_IPG

I don't know your coworker, but I hate him.

I am a lawyer. I was working for a consulting firm and had an overly flatulent coworker. The issue was that he was, admittedly, lactose intolerant. He would, however, get a McDonald's shake or carton of milk every morning before work. He would giggle like a little girl and crop dust everyone. Sometimes just walk up, bend over and tear one right next to a seated coworker. Being fed up with him literally farting in my face, I told him that if he continued that I would perform a citizens arrest and charge him with felony assault. He said that wasn’t possible so I told him that it was. That his “farticles" were making an unwanted touching of my body, that touch was intentional by him and the distress it was causing was enough to raise it to the level of a felony. While still doubting it, I told him that for a citizens arrest all I need is to be a witness to the felonious action and swear out a statement when I take him to the police station. I warn him that I will do it if he farts on near or around anyone in the office anymore. It lasted about a year before someone finally broke it to him that I was lying. He came back and called me out and started his farting antics again.MotorCityMe

It seems like you already went.

I got pulled over for speeding, 70 on a 45. I spilled my water bottle on my pants before the cop walked up to my car. I told him I was trying to get to the bathroom, and he told me to go.13a841

Hey! Free tour!

I was on a trip with my then girlfriend/now wife to the twin cities. We are nerdy/history people. We were going to take a tour of a local historical house later that day but had some time to kill. We actually parked in the lot for St. Paul's Cathedral. I really had to pee so I convinced my wife that the church would likely be open to the public and would have easily accessible bathrooms. When we walk in the front doors there's a group of a few dozen people just standing there. They all turn to look at us. I felt like we did something wrong just by being there. Then someone at the head of the group speaks up, "Hey, are you here for the tour? We've been waiting for you!" I have no idea what's going on but I decide to play along. "Yes," I respond, "Sorry we're late. But do you mind if I use the restroom first?" They agreed and we got a private, guided tour of the whole cathedral including the crypts below. It ended up being the highlight of the trip. No idea what that group was or if we were supposed to have paid or what.Otto_Matic82

Do they give degrees in lying?

I failed my final year at university but couldn’t face the shame of telling my parents. So I told them I passed. They wanted to go to my graduation ceremony so I faked an illness and said I wouldn’t be able to attend. This was so they wouldn’t book flights. Then at the last second, I told them I was feeling better and would attend. I got my buddy's graduation photo and got my face photoshopped into his. I sent this to my folks, where they framed it. 15 years later its still on their living room wall. Obviously, I had to re-take the final year but couldn’t ask my folks for money. So I just said I was going to stay and look for work whilst I plan my career. Worked my butt off that summer to save every cent I would need for the upcoming year. Got a bank loan and max some credit cards. My final year was really really tough as I had to work evenings and weekends to pay the rent, food, and tuition. I passed, though. I went to my real graduation ceremony and felt really sad I couldn’t tell my parents they could attend as I didn’t want to tell them I lied.cheap-as-chimps

All for nothing!

My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teachers told me I would have to do all the days chores(putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch, putting away chairs and supplies etc) if I was late again. Well, the next day I was running late as usual. Being lazy, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior to school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies. I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. NOPE. Our school was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, and my parents were called in. I was interviewed for the entire day, Had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had quarterly school assemblies because of it too. And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.Yoinkie2013

Busted.

When one of my kids was about 6, we got a kitten named Fluff. My kid and Fluff loved each other. After about two weeks Fluff died from a genetic disorder. The kid was spending a few days with his grandparents. We searched the animal shelters until we found a Fluff look-alike. Mission accomplished. Many years later the kid is in his early 20's. One day while random reliving old times, the kid asks "One question has been bothering me. How did Fluff go from female to male?"BobT21

Jogging online? They were asking for this one.

I needed some more gym credits to graduate high school. Luckily, we had an option to take online classes offered through a Mormon university. So I took jogging online. Which meant I swore on a code of honor to actually do the jogging. Which mean I sent the Mormons a spreadsheet of miles I didn't jog so I could graduate high school.lesserantilles

What's a star war?

I moved to a new department at my old work and one of the guys said, "We welcome you with two conditions: You must love Star Wars and coffee." So silly me wanting approval from the new team, I immediately became Star Wars' biggest fan and a coffee addict. It was the hardest two years of my life drinking something I hated and trying to learn every Star Wars character on the weekends. I was in too deep with the lie and it was at the point where it'll be too awkward to back out from. I would end up getting all these Star Wars merchandises for my birthday and from Secret Santa. I don't work there anymore but they still think I'm a diehard fan.Njwong1

Incredible.

I took a business class in college to round myself out so to speak (since 99% of my classes were science) and I thought I might like it. I didn't. So I made note of the tests and just decided I'd cram before the exams and be fine. I go to the class on one of the days of the exams to hear the professor open with a lecture. Confused, I wondered when the exam was going to begin, however, someone brought up a question that was 'on last week's exam' and I pretty much had my answer. So, crap. I missed one of the three exams, and I don't think my method of "cram and pray" was going to net me perfect scores. So while I'm ignoring the lecture of class I figured I'd just find a way to ask for extra credit. I approached him after class and just said: "Hey, I did really poorly on the exam, and I'd like to see if there's anything I can do for extra credit." He laughed and told me not to worry and that I'm sure I'll do fine. I was adamant — I'm a pre-med student, I'm a bit on the anal side, and I need this. He backs down after a bit and says "Alright let me see what you got on the exam" and he checks his grade book. "Odd, I don't have a grade written down for you, what did you get?" So, now I'm worried, what do I say? I didn't want it to be too farfetched where I suddenly have a 92 after trying to sweet talk my way to extra credit, so I went with a solid 74 which I felt was pretty low. The test was out of 80. So, he wrote "74" and told me I need to learn to relax a bit.DualCrescendo

Just some good old-fashioned pranking.

Not exactly a lie but convinced a friend once that men only have one "BALL" and he had some sort of disease. He went to see a doctor the next day.Random_Redditor123

You say "Tomato," I say "I'm allergic."

I hate tomatoes. I don't remember when it started but some time at a young age I started telling people I was allergic to tomatoes so people wouldn't try to make me eat them. People who love tomatoes really want to share them. Even worse old aunts and uncles were on a mission to get me to love tomatoes. So a lie about being allergic to them started. My mom more or less supported me or at least never made me tell the truth. She was ok with me not eating them but always tried to get me to eat beets. No thanks. Keep in mind all this time I am telling everyone I'm allergic to tomatoes I'm eating red sauce pasta, salsa, ketchup and drinking Caesars (like a bloody Mary but with Clamato juice which is tomatoes juice spices with clam flavoring...Canadian thing). So I'm about 25 and sitting around a fire talking about stuff with some people including my mom. We ended up in an argument about whether I was allergic to tomatoes or not. She was on the side that I was. I was trying to convince her of the truth.Danovan79

I'm pretty sure you started a religion.

In high school, I convinced some of my younger friends (I was a junior, they were freshmen) that our high school had a secret society/club. I got some of my friends my age in on it too. It started out as a practical joke, but they believed me hook line and sinker so I went further. I created email addresses, a constitution for the club, and a crest. Then we actually started having meetings. Anyways, I'm in college now and my high school now has a secret society that my freshmen (now senior) friends are running.magicalmoodygirl

I'm glad he's OK.

Back in 2004, I was in high school and I thought it would be fun to start a rumor and see how long it would take to get back to me. So I told three people (one or two knew what I was up to) that Kel Mitchell, from Kenan and Kel, died of a drug overdose. He was the perfect candidate at the time for a celebrity death rumor among high school-aged kids. The two that knew it was a lie did some good work spreading it by old-fashioned word of mouth. The one that didn't know I'd made it up went on Myspace over the weekend, posting about "drinking orange soda in his honor." Others would do the same. It was going pretty well. On Monday, I told the one person that was ignorant of my plan that I'd made it up. He liked the idea, so he kept his mouth shut. In the end, it actually took several months for it to get back to me directly, but I think that length of time was a testament to its staying power. It had become a fact for many people. There's an article on Snopes about a Kel Mitchell death rumor, with origins unclear, and cause of death being either overdose or car wreck. So I don't claim to be the sole source, but anybody I've met over the years who went to high school around that time in my area remembers hearing about it. And some didn't know it was only a rumor.Brawndo91

I admire your dedication to this lie.

I did not get along with my first-grade teacher, Ms. Bell. Letting off some steam, I scrawled "I hate Bell" on the bottom of my work, fully intending to erase it before I turned it in. I forgot. She called my mom to come in for an after-school talk. I didn't want to explain myself, and I didn't want to admit the obvious — of course, it was about her. Instead, I claimed that I had an imaginary friend named Belle, and we were in a fight. It was weak. It was ridiculous. Six-year-old me was perfectly aware. But I stuck to my guns until they decided the discussion was going nowhere, and I wasn't disciplined. For the next couple of weeks, I would sporadically reference "Belle" until I rid my self of her for good by killing her off with diabetes.neitherhernorthere

I can't believe this actually worked– bravo!

When I was a teenager, a friend and I went through a leadership training class together. For a goof, we gave fake names at the start of the class and spent the entire day as Pete Townsend and Freddie Mercury. We completed the class and were given our certificates with our fake names as the people giving the class had no clue. I still have my certificate as Pete Townsend to this day.heybrad2002 Share this with someone who will get a kick out of these hilarious stories!