Last night, Democrat Doug Jones made history and caused a country-wide sigh of relief when he won the election for the U.S. Senate seat in Alabama, a historically fiery red state. He beat Roy Moore, the Republican candidate who's been in the news lately for multiple insane things, not the least of which is his history of pedophilia.
But let's rewind a moment and take it back to before the election results were in. Earlier in the night, Roy Moore spokesperson Ted Crockett appeared on CNN and talked with Jake Tapper about his candidate. The guy literally lost his head when he was presented with a simple fact that overturned his prejudiced views. While the election was historic, the moment Ted Crockett shorted out on national television is by far the most memorable moment of the night.
It's been decades since Alabama has elected a Democratic senator, but last night was the night!
via: Getty ImagesDoug Jones defeated child molester Roy Moore by what many are saying is a too-close margin. Nevertheless, the Republican loss was a giant blow to the GOP and to Trump, who'd endorsed Moore (even though he's a pedophile) in one of, if not the most embarrassing endorsements in history made by a president and his political party.
But the GOP's and Trump's endorsement of Roy Moore wasn't even the most embarrassing thing about the race.
via: Getty ImagesIt's the morning after the election and Roy Moore has yet to concede because he's a delusional sore loser. Some think he will call for a recount. Though the vote was closer than it ever should have been, it wasn't recount-level close. According to USA Today, Alabama law states that a recount occurs automatically if an election is won by fewer than 0.5 percent of the votes. Early results show that Jones beat Moore by more than 1.5 percent.
But the embarrassment doesn't end there.
via: Getty ImagesBefore Roy Moore lost the election, he rode to the polls to vote (for himself, we assume) on a horse named Sassy. Yes, this is a thing that a pedophilic politician did in 2017. Everything about this race for the Senate seat was already beyond comprehension, and then this happened.
And while we're on the subject of embarrassments, take a look at how white people voted in this election:
It's about time America appreciate the political significance of #BlackWomen, but can someone explain why white wom… https://t.co/hQaCir8FaY— Keith Boykin (@Keith Boykin)1513169632.0
And yet, somehow it gets worse. Because Donald Trump can never be wrong, he tweeted this following the election:"I was right!" the President of the United States feels he has to say after he's proven wrong. This declaration, of course, came hours after he claimed not to have met the women who've accused him of sexual assault. Obviously, that's not true, and obviously, pictures of him standing right beside them surfaced. Also, one of those people was his wife. But perhaps the most precious and definitely the most rewatchable embarrassing moment on election night for the Republicans came when Roy Moore's spokesperson appeared on CNN with Jake Tapper...
Ted Crockett is a thrice-elected official and former Shelby County, Alabama Commissioner who was a spokesman for the Roy Moore campaign. He went on The Lead, a CNN program hosted by Jake Tapper, where he appeared to literally malfunction when Tapper schooled him on the law for swearing in politicians.
Roy Moore campaign spokesman responds with silence when asked if he knew people can be sworn in with a text other t… https://t.co/nEuaCU2jvh— The Lead CNN (@The Lead CNN)1513116424.0
It's incredible.Crockett was completely stunned by that fact and just sat there, slack-jawed and blinking, until Tapper asked, "You don't know that?" Oh goodness, it was a perfect moment. Go ahead, watch it again. We'll wait.
Crockett couldn't seem to recover, and Jake Tapper ended the interview almost immediately after that. He was just so silent!
You could play "Stairway to Heaven" during the time it takes this guy to process this information. https://t.co/K6gu250Or0— WilliamThornton (@WilliamThornton)1513119476.0
It actually looked like Crockett's brain blew a fuse and he couldn't compute what he'd just heard.
lmao dude's operating system legit crashes and needs to reboot before he can say words again https://t.co/5aQr0ZnRqS— mike (@mike)1513120345.0
These are three important steps for any decent person to take:
1. Watch the whole interview. 2. Let it sink in that Ted Crockett is a three term elected official. 3. Take two Ex… https://t.co/spetZDbrzX— Brian Blicher (@Brian Blicher)1513121121.0
Like John Quincy Adams, for instance.
Fun fact: John Quincy Adams used a lawbook, not a Bible, at his inauguration. https://t.co/i4mXBu9BGI— Robert McNamara (@Robert McNamara)1513119969.0
And let's not forget Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Pierce, and LBJ.
@rcmallaber @TheLeadCNN @jaketapper T Roosevelt, Franklin Pierce and LBJ did not use a bible either.— ..... (@.....)1513118936.0
Of course, others imagined what they'd choose to swear on if they were ever elected to public office:Harry Potter's a pretty good choice. TBH we definitely need more witches and wizards in Congress. It just seems like that would help a lot.
Here's another good choice...
If I’m ever elected office, I will ask to be sworn in on a copy of “The Secret Diary Of Laura Palmer.”— Jake Fogelnest (@Jake Fogelnest)1513129521.0
TV writer Jess Dweck had a fantastic idea for what Doug Jones should swear on when he's inaugurated:
Just to fuck with him, Doug Jones should swear in on a mall directory— Jess Dweck (@Jess Dweck)1513138291.0