No relationship is absolutely perfect 100 percent of the time. But you can usually tell pretty quickly when a relationship definitely isn't going to stand the test of time.
There are major red flags that the people of Reddit have noticed in their own, their friends', and their families' relationships.These are tell-tale signs that two people were just not made for each other. Some are pretty obvious. Some, less so. We all deserve to be happy. If you or your friend is experiencing any of these bad relationship signals, maybe it's time to make a change.
via: ShutterstockCONSTANT fighting. A little arguing back and forth is normal, but when you can hear these idiots screaming their heads off at each other every single goddamn day of their lives, they need to just quit it. –Mistah-Jay
The four horsemen
There is actually research by John Gottman in this area. He calls them the four horsemen.
The traits are contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness. His research has shown that within just a few minutes of watching a couple, he can determine if their relationship is likely to end in divorce based on if any of these are present.
The good news is, they all have antidotes!
They dislike each other
The only one for me is: when they don't like each other.
Literally, everything else I've seen couples successfully bypass - extreme differences in personalities, in interests, in politics, in sex drives, in religions, all fine - as long as they like each other and want to be around each other.
If you're dreading going home at the end of the day because your spouse is there, that's the only time I think "Why are you even together, then?" –molly__pop
They don't listen to each other
I saw one just the other day at a restaurant. He would be talking, and she would be listening and responding.
When she was talking, he would pick up his phone and stare at it the whole time.
That relationship isn't going to last. –sstairThe next one is totally key.
Never go on Twitter! For your relationship advice or, really, for anything.Posting your problems on social media. Like, wtf? Do you want everyone to go against your partner? Nothing ever comes good out of it and it's childish. - Skybolt99
Too hot to handle.Intensity. Extremely intense relationships flame out. - vrosej10
Rules are rules!When they're in love in the first week and start making rules and promises about what they both can and can not do because they're "so devoted." - Danoodlepod
You have to be flexible in relationships.I've noticed that if one partner is really inconsiderate over minor things, they're not into it, and it's doomed. Like, they never lift a finger to help the other person with even small things — won't hold the door open, won't move to make room on the couch, won't adjust their schedule five minutes either way for anything. Doomed. - TheStarryForest
Generally, you want to like the person you love.Science tells us: contempt If you see this on the face of either, towards the other, it's a 95% certainty it won't last. - mymindislikeaseive
Someone needs to sit this sibling down and have a nice, honest talk.You would think attempted murder with a gun would be a good indicator... and yet my sibling wants to stay with that crazy dingbat. - Athrowawayinmay
A penny saved is a relationship also saved.Money. If one person has terrible budgeting skills and the other doesn't, it can cause a lot of problems. - [account deleted]
Just be chill about the dumb stuff your man is into, okay?When one person in the relationship is passionate about anything and the other person continuously shoots them down. A couple of friends started dating out of nowhere, but the girl always had dreams and goals she wanted to achieve. The guy constantly told her she was wrong and that she wouldn’t accomplish them. - SpecialistCatfish
I can believe it!The pastor at the wedding, in front of a couple hundred people, said, "Can you believe that just two months ago, (bride's name) was in my house, crying because she was so lonely and wanted to be married so badly? And now look at her two months later, getting married to a guy she met the next day!" Even her elderly grandmother laughed out loud. - Spartan1819
It's also not great if, before your first date, they say, "You have to promise not to fall in love with me."When one of you has a terminal illness. - foogers I mean, you're not wrong. - AsianOnTheInternet
"I see your point, but also, it is not my point, and therefore, it has to be destroyed."After realizing they're wrong, instead of apologizing, they double down. - [account deleted]
I only play like 15 hours of Super Mario Odyssey a day, it's fine.When your hobbies are the reason you're not paying attention to him or her, whether it's a reality or just an accusation. (And yes, I'm looking at you video games.) - MrRuby
You've got to have that sex talk with your partner.Sexual incompatibilities. If people don't kink the same way or they want varying amounts of sex within the week. - Chaskis4Pheidippides
Family camping trips always have the possibility of taking a strange left turn...Can you and your SO handle a stressful situation where something unpredictable happens such as a family gathering/road trip/camping? Can you not imagine even doing any of those three with your SO? It won't last. - DarrenEdwards
Just keep it equal forever! Is that so hard?When you find yourself longing for the person they seemed to be at the very beginning. You find that their interest in anything about you stopped as soon as that honeymoon period cooled off. You notice you're only doing things they want to do. (When at the beginning it was more equal) - closethebarn
"Stay away from my boys Ricky and Chauncey!"When you don’t want to introduce them to your friends. - [account deleted]
Secrets, secrets, are no fun, secrets they hurt everyone.Secrecy. I'm not talking about keeping a surprise birthday party as a secret. I'm talking about when the person is constantly vague about where they're going or with whom they are going with, etc. - [account deleted]
Kissing during a break-up? Yeah, they're getting back together. (And later, breaking up again.)When they break up and get back together over and over. - frozen-silver
*winky face*When he stops sending emojis. That seems stupid to point out, but it had been all kissy faces and winks when we first started dating. Then he"needed space" and then the Emojis stopped and then the relationship stopped. - StumbleKitty
"Yeah, that kiss was fine, but let me tell you about how Jason used to kiss me..."Too much ex talk. It's fine if they come up occasionally, but if you've been dating for a month and you know more about the ex than you know about the person, that's a very bad sign. If all the person's exes were "crazy" or "losers", then... likewise, that's not a good indicator. - michaelochurch
Counter-intuitive!They don't fight ever. From what I've seen it means there is a whole lot of stuff just brewing and will explode soon enough. - joebone18974
Compromise is a lifehack.Refusal to compromise. My brother and his first wife were both first-born, and had much younger siblings. They were used to being in charge. They never learned to compromise, and my brother won most of the arguments simply by being louder and more insistent. At their wedding reception, one of the groomsmen and I were watching them argue over some petty thing, and the guy said, "I give them two years." I replied, "No, they're stubborn. They'll make it to five." Five and half years later, she walked out on him. - [account deleted]
This is just a cluster.When she wanted kids and he didn't and he also refused to use protection and they get pregnant! Also they argue pretty much all the time. Married last year. I don't see them lasting unfortunately. - WowLookNoHands
Some boyfriends just hate it when you're adorable...I noticed when my last boyfriend was drifting because he'd get annoyed over small things. Like when I would tease him, he'd get really bugged instead of laugh with me. And we're not talking anything crazy. Just like going up behind him and playing "guess who". - StumbleKitty
The truth is the truth, every time.Any degree of gaslighting. If you try to convince me I said the opposite of what I said, agreed to something I emphatically did NOT agree to, etc., I'm done. - LolliaSabina
Sorry cheaters, but you gotta be alone forever now.If they were stolen away from someone else. - [account deleted]
"Gotta petition the warden.""My gf/bf won't let me do XYZ" I give it six months after that, tops. - PKMNtrainerKing
Let's just let the pressure build under the surface.Avoiding direct confrontation about anything. Never being straightforward and always talking in hints. - 5ha4y
My home gym is my sanctuary.If they leave sweat in your home gym. - Swollandwokeboi
It's time to leave the party when you start to wonder if it's time to leave the party.When you start questioning if your relationship will last. Seriously, when you're happy and in a good relationship, even a bad fight won't really trigger those feelings (obviously this is highly dependent on your past — if you've been in an abusive relationship it might take a while before you trust that your SO won't abuse you or leave you). - mavienoire
via: ShutterstockIf you’re not comfortable with your SO. I think being comfortable around them is very important. This comes from someone with a lot of anxiety. –Sticky-Sticker
Vague, passive aggressive posts on social media that can only be directed at each other.
Venting without using their names.
It's fine to be frustrated with each other but if yall cant be direct with each other it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. –leclaire63
via: ShutterstockWhen their relationship doesn't seem as fulfilling without drug use. –motownmods
They can't be themselves
When their whole personality and behavior changes when their SO is around.
It means that they can't be themselves while being together and results in an unbalanced couple where one (or both) end up unhappy in the long run.
It gets tiresome to act like someone you're not. –PsyQoWim
via: ShutterstockWhen they can’t make each other laugh. –FraggleOnFire The next one is really important.
Not popular with friends and family
When every last one of their friends and family thinks so
My best friend married a horrible person. His brother agrees. All his mutual friends agree. My biggest regret is saying nothing at his wedding.
But I know him and he'd have just disregarded it and thrown me out –callmegecko
When they don’t share core values. It’s fine to like different food, entertainment, and activities, but if you don’t share the big stuff like beliefs, morals, life/family goals, those are big things that can turn into points of contention.
An argument or discussion doesn’t always change those things either. –ZombiUbojica
Shared Facebook account
via: ShutterstockPretty much anytime I see a couple have a shared FB account. Usually, it seems like either someone cheated, and so they don't fully have the trust of their partner, or someone absolutely wears the pants, and the other is a pushover. Not saying that couples can't make those sort of situations work, but... –bojiggidy
via: ShutterstockWhen one partner sets out huge expectations and outlandish terms expecting the other to change and defer to them. The relationship would be a dictatorship. –Dr-Figgleton The next one might not seem obvious at first.
They hide from each other
via: ShutterstockWhen one of them (or both of them) is constantly hiding shit from the other one. That whole "if my girl/boyfriend calls, I'm not here!" or anything like that. I dated a guy for awhile who was a huge drunk and tried to hide it from me as much as he could. Found out after we broke up from a couple friends that they would occasionally run into him at bars and he would always ask them to not tell me they saw him drinking. –bagzilla
No equal effort
via: ShutterstockWhen they don't want to put an equal amount of effort into the relationship. I have a couple of ex-friends who are a sh*tty husband and a sh*tty wife, but they're both gonna be together forever because they both put in so little effort to be together. They're like roommates who f*ck every 60 days. –CraptainHammer
They only have sex in common
I was talking with a new couple, and the girl was telling me how they like none of the same things.
Every date they go on, one was sacrificing for the other to do something they liked. At some point in the conversation, I made a joke about sex, and she said, “Oh yeah, there is one thing we both enjoy!"
Sex is nice, but don’t let it be your only hobby in common. –Macievelli
via: ShutterstockWhen Every time you meet him or her, he/she's complaining about their SO. Seriously, I've seen people have kids together but never have anything good to say about each other when the other person is not around. –CouldBeAPygmy
They're afraid of being alone
They only stick together out of fear of being alone.
Sooner be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. –jaskey1901Share this with someone who might need to hear some of this stuff!