Boss’ final search before his tragic death revealed.
In a heartbreaking revelation, Allison Holker, the widow of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss, opens up about the final days of his life.
Boss’ tragic death profiled.
The beloved dancer, TV personality, and DJ tragically took his own life in December 2022 at the age of 40.
On December 13, 2022, Boss was found dead in a motel room in Encino, California, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Boss, who had been a part of The Ellen DeGeneres Show for years, left behind his wife, three children, and fans devastated by his loss.
Holker, his wife since 2013, now reveals shocking details about their life together in her memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light.
Life after ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’ detailed.
Holker explained how Boss’s mental state began to deteriorate after the end of The Ellen DeGeneres Show in 2022.
After nearly a decade on the show, Boss had lost the structure and daily routine that had been part of his life for so long.
“He was never the same after that,” Holker reflects, describing how the transition affected his mental health.
The loss of his show left Boss with more time alone, causing his thoughts to spiral deeper into anxiety and depression.
Boss’ desperate attempt for clarity exposed.
Holker also sheds light on Boss’s decision to take an ayahuasca trip in an attempt to confront his inner demons.
Ayahuasca is a powerful, psychoactive brew that is used in traditional spiritual ceremonies in South America.
Boss hoped the experience would help him tackle personal struggles, including fatherhood pressures and feelings of abandonment.
While his trip began with hope, Holker claims that things soon took a turn for the worse.
“Instead of sticking it out, he decided to cut the trip short,” Holker writes, revealing that Boss’s early exit left him more vulnerable.
She believes that for those with underlying mental health issues, ayahuasca can intensify problems instead of healing them.
“It can bring those issues to a boil,” Holker explains, warning that the absence of proper guidance can lead to disastrous results.
Boss’s emotional state worsened after the trip, and Holker says, “He was different, like every day he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”
The signs Holker missed explained.
As the months passed, Holker began to notice troubling signs of depression in her husband.
Boss struggled with irritability, insomnia, weight loss, and an overwhelming lack of energy.
His apathy toward activities he once enjoyed grew more apparent, which Holker later learned was a symptom of anhedonia.
“I would find myself pleading with him to take a shower,” Holker recalls, thinking he was just tired.
However, she now recognizes that neglecting self-care was a key indicator of his deepening depression.
Holker admits that she didn’t fully understand the extent of Boss’s pain while it was happening.
“Now I know that neglecting self-care is another classic sign of depression,” she reflects, expressing regret over missing the signs.
Boss’ final search confirmed.
In her emotional book, Holker opens up about her relentless search for answers after Boss’s tragic death.
In the months that followed, she sifted through his personal belongings, trying to understand what led to his heartbreaking decision.
Her investigation uncovered a disturbing clue: Boss had searched for a suicide hotline number months before his passing.
Holker found no evidence that he called the number, but the discovery shook her to the core.
Allison’s shocking realization clarified.
“I’m sure he felt a lot of shame for even having sought out the number,” Holker writes in her book.
This revelation raises questions about Boss’s state of mind in the months leading up to his death.
Despite being a public figure, Holker admits that signs of his internal struggle were often hidden behind his smile and energy.
Boss’ memory lives on.
Even though Boss hid his struggles, his family and fans saw him as the joyful, energetic personality they admired.
Holker’s heartbreaking memoir provides a glimpse into the silent battles Boss fought, shedding light on the complexity of mental health struggles.