Mothers-in-law: Can’t live with ’em, can’t kill ’em. I kid, I kid! You wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life in jail over your — gasp — mother-in-law, would you? That’s the ultimate, “I win, you lose” for her. So, you may as well play nicely and grab her a Mother’s Day gift. She did, after all, raise the man or woman you said “I do” to and now live with.
But, hey, just because you probably should buy her a gift doesn’t mean you have to take it completely seriously. Does she complain about wrinkles? Do you get a kick out of scaring the wits out of her? Should she suck in her belly, detach herself from her cats or stop misplacing every dang thing? I’ve got just what you need. Fair warning: If you don’t have a sense of humor, you might want to stop reading right here. For the rest of you, I’ve got two dozen gift ideas that say, “I love your sense of humor and your chicken pot pie.”
A Wrinkle In Time
Are you dealing with a wrinkled old bag? (I’d probably not call her that, but hey, it’s your funeral.) This wrinkle-reducing eye cream is from Kiehl’s and they know what they’re doing. Containing a blend of micronutrients, copper PCA and calcium PCA, this formula targets depleted collagen and infuses the skin with moisture, which will be good if your MIL is a crusty old thing.
Playing With Fire
She’s probably never said it but I promise you — you’ve gotten on her last nerve (probably more than once). This lavender-scented candle smells good and delivers a hilarious message acknowledging the problem child you have been (and are). These come in a couple different colors but the messaging remains the same: Mom is frazzled and it’s all your fault.
Stop The Wine-ing
I’m not sure whether these PureWine filters are for your mother-in-law who has to put up with you or you, who has to put up with your mother-in-law but with a pack of eight, there’s enough for everyone. These purifiers alleviate wine allergies and headaches so you don’t wake up with that dreaded post-drinking hangover. There’s no solution for the headache your MIL is, though.
You Snake In The Grass
Listen, you need to proceed with caution on this one. Does your mother-in-law have heart issues? Anxiety? This gag gift looks like a jar of jelly beans but is actually packed with two 40-inch cloth-covered snakes. When she twists the top off, the snakes come shooting out. I’d recommend having a backup gift to appease the beast because this is going to go so wrong but be so good.
Put This $h!t On Everything
Nothing says, “Get your butt back in the kitchen,” like an all-purpose seasoning and this one, called “Special Shit” is a fan favorite — and not just because of the name. Reviewers call this a tasty combination of flavors, as good for meats as it is for veggies. Grill, saute and air fry with it. Your gift says, “Hey, mom, your food is pretty bland. Here’s some help.”
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
There comes an age when stray hairs pop up seemingly overnight and literally anywhere. This facial hair remover will help her tame those hairs, particularly that really gross one. You know? In the mole on her chin? Either way, this gadget has more than 130,000 reviews for a reason and I’m pretty convinced a solid 82 percent were to de-hair an in-law.
What A Pill
Pills are the only way your mother-in-law can properly deal with you, and I don’t even care how old she is. This travel pill organizer will keep her properly sedated or mellow or quiet (or whatever all those pills do for her) whether she’s at home or on the road. Easy to open and lock, these have room for pills in two dividers inside.
Mean Muggin’
Let your mother-in-law know she doesn’t need a single gift this year because she has, well, you. This funny coffee mug comes in three different colors (all with the same message) and a cute “love ya” at the bottom to let her know you’re only joking. It’s like telling someone about themselves over text and adding an LOL at the end.
A Happy Little Gift
Is your mother-in-law constantly killing plants? She won’t have the heart to send Bob Ross to his death in the form of this Chia pet, which has — remarkably — been around since the late 1970s. I think it’s people like your mother-in-law who’ve kept the Chia brand in business, whether Bob Ross, Richard Simmons, Burt Reynolds or Willie Nelson (all of which you can buy at the link).
Tell Her She Sucks
Needs to “suck” it in, that is. These power panties from Spanx are targeted shapewear that’s durable and breathable with enough tummy control to combat all those church potlucks she’s always going to. This one comes in four different colors and sizes up to 3X but let me give you some advice: If you want to live, go smaller and definitely don’t buy the 3X.
The Smeller’s The Feller
She’s full of it — you know it, I know it, the world knows it. Now, you can tell her by gifting her, her very own toilet spray from the geniuses at Poo-Pourri. This one is scented with fragrances of sea salt, bergamot and eucalyptus to leave any bathroom smelling fresh and clean. Of course, your MIL probably doesn’t poop so you’re on your own with that one.
A Use For Those Hairballs
She’s made it weird with her cats, hasn’t she? They wear clothes and eat table food and — ugh — walk all over her kitchen counters. This book, “Crafting with Cat Hair” is a tongue-in-cheek approach to addressing her problem in an actually useful format. She can learn how to transform stray clumps of fur into handicrafts like cat toys, picture frames and more. I know what someone’s getting for their birthday!
Color Me Shocked
If you mother-in-law needs to mellow out (and don’t they all?), this mindfulness coloring book for adults will let her zen out. Paperback with 50 beautiful animal and flower mandalas, this book is ideal for people with ADHD, anxiety, stress and more. Pair it with a good set of markers and this is one gift she’ll actually appreciate … and will maybe buy you some quiet time of your own.
For All-Day Drinking
You could buy her a smartwatch to tell what time it is or you could buy her this wall-mounted cup and mug holder, which also helps tell the time — coffee in the morning and wine in the evening. This purchase even comes in a beautifully gift-wrapped box so you can consider it one-and-done shopping. Snag a set of mugs and glasses to complete the look.
The Cat’s Meow Heiney
I don’t know what a gift of cat butt refrigerator magnets says, but it’s not anything good, let me tell you. This set of six might still make her chuckle — if she’s a cat lover, that is, and has a sense of humor. Not a cat person? Choose from a dog set as well as a safari-themed version. Tell her she’s a butt for just $20.
Always Wear Clean Underwear
Growing up, my mom always used to say, “Be sure you always wear clean underwear.” I don’t know what she thought I was going to be doing but now you can give a mom a taste of her own medicine with her very own emergency underpants. Packed in a small tin, it includes one pair of disposable panties to fit most adults. Hey, it might just come in handier than you realize.
Wrap Her Up
If you’re looking for a gift that says, “I’d love to smother you but I’d look awful in an orange jumpsuit,” this weighted blanket is just the thing. Cooling and breathable, it contains glass beads for even weight distribution and a microfiber exterior that’s soft and comfortable. Choose from five to 30 pounds, any will be handy for rolling up her body and dumping her behind your house. (I’m kidding, I promise!)
At The Drop Of A Hat
Your mother-in-law is probably part of a dying generation of women who wore hats everywhere. This dress hat will take her from church to brunch and back again, with 32 colors and styles to choose from. Once size fits most and she’ll appreciate the fact you don’t think her head is abnormally sized. A sweatband drawstring inside can be adjusted accordingly.
Let Things Slide
Do you believe in subliminal messaging? Tell her to let things “slide” with these cloud slippers that are pillowy soft, yet still look a bit like prison-issued gear. More than 32,000 people have reviewed and loved them, though, like this woman: “My mother-in-law complains about her feet in normal slides. I am so glad I got these. She hasn’t complained about foot discomfort once.”
For All To See
I often look at product pages like this one for a five-pack of reading glasses and think, “Who needs five of these bad boys?” I’m guessing probably your mother-in-law who can lose a pair as simply as putting them on top of her head. Choose from five different sets in a variety of magnification strengths. An eye test chart in the photos will help you decide based on how much she narrows her eyes at you, of course.
Play Lost And Found
Speaking of losing things, if she can’t find her way out of a paper bag, she’ll appreciate a Tile Mate. (Let’s be honest, she probably needs more than one.) Attach it to her keys, bags and more with a 250-ft. range and compatibility with both iPhone and Android devices. Now, if she could just find her phone. The struggle is real.
Stuff A Sock In It
Have you ever wanted to tell your mother-in-law to “stick a sock in it?” Now, you can — sort of. These compression socks really are a decent gift, though, whether she’s a runner or just someone who swells up at the very thought of getting in the car. These promote blood circulation and oxygen flow and come in two unisex size options.
She Puts The “Fun” In Funeral
Have I offended you yet? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because this might be the one. If you really want to get your mother-in-law’s goat, you’ll go big (or go home) with this funeral casket. Who knew you could order your final resting place right on Amazon? I wonder if they ship this with Prime? I’d love to see her neighbors’ faces when this shows up at the doorstep.
A Bit Of Fluff
We’ve reached the end of our list and not a single mother-in-law was harmed in the creation of this collection. (Although, a few are likely to be annoyed.) Your last-ditch effort to get under her skin comes with this bed pillow set from MyPillow. You know? The guy with the world’s most annoying TV commercials? Hopefully, she’ll be just as annoyed with this as a Mother’s Day gift. Good luck!