If you’re in a relationship, there’s like a 100 percent chance that you have kept secrets from your significant other. It might be something as innocuous as a surprise trip or a gift you’ve been hiding until their birthday…or it might be something a bit bigger. Nothing too damaging, of course — those are not the kind of secrets that are kept in healthy relationships. But at the same time, it’s not like you tell them everything.
A recent AskReddit thread asked people to share the secrets they’ve been keeping from their significant others, and there were more than 10,000 comments! That’s a lot of secrets. They ranged from the shocking (like the one about Game of Thrones) to the downright wholesome (like the one about Big Bang Theory). As you read through them, try to reserve judgment — after all, as we’ve already discussed, you’re probably keeping your own secrets, too.
GF locked her keys in her running car with her dog inside when picking up her daughter from daycare.
I lied and said I had AAA so it’d be free to get lockout service. In reality, I ordered AAA on the spot and paid the extra to have same day service so she didn’t have something else to worry about.
My wife thinks that our betta fish mojito lived for like 5 years.
What she doesn’t know is that the role of Mojito has been played by 3 separate betta fish over that time. RIP Mojito 2 and 3.
My wife has a beautiful heart.
I jokingly call her a Disney princess because any animal that she comes across she has to talk to and greet. She has cried by seeing a dead raccoon on the side of the road before.
At the time, I was working day shift and she was working a swing shift. I had a busy day, but I saw she sent me some pictures of a young doe that was eating in our front yard. She seemed thrilled. I came home and saw the same deer! Dead. On my god damned porch. I felt like I started to hear “the first 48″ theme playing as I realized I have six hours to get rid of this thing before my wife gets home and her world is shattered. I call my local city authorities thinking they wouldn’t want a dead animal in the middle of town. Turns out, they couldn’t care less. I called some local raptor shelters to see if they could take a stat donation but it turns out the dead deer business is booming and they didn’t have a need for donations at this time, especially in the next 6 hours.
Frustrated, I call my dad to vent and get advice on what to do. His response is only a “Hold on bud, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” I go back inside to take care of the dogs and within the next 15 minutes I see my dad back his huge truck into my back yard, has the tailgate down and is knocking on my door with a pair of nitrile gloves on and another pair in hand for me. It was starting to get dark out, but we had that thing loaded up and found a special place to, uh. “Dispose” of it. We made it back with 20 minutes to spare before my wife got home.
I haven’t told my wife because I think it would either break her heart or creep her out at how efficiently my dad can dump a body.
Anyway, wifey thinks her deer friend is alive and well, and totally not at the bottom of a ravine.
The first piece of jewelry I bought my wife was a necklace. We went on holiday and she lost it.
I said I would replace it but it wasn’t the same, she was upset that she’d lost it for sentimental reasons.
I emailed the hotel and of course they hadn’t found it. So I bought a replacement and told my wife they found it.
The remote didn’t disappear.
I accidentally put it through the washing machine and destroyed it and threw it out in a panic.
My SO’s first language isn’t English.
He always says “really much” instead of “a lot.” I won’t tell him it’s incorrect, I love when he says “I love you really much.”
I am notoriously difficult to surprise.
I ask too many questions and it bothers me when things don’t add up.
My husband was so proud of the fact that he kept his proposal a surprise and I didn’t expect it. In reality, I texted my best friend the day before with a list of 6 reasons why I suspected he was going to propose to me that weekend.
I’m not going to tell him, though. The proposal was really sweet and he put so much thought into it.
His favorite dip is like 80% mayo.
He has a terrible aversion to mayo.
His mom has made it when he’s not been around his whole life, and now I continue the charade.
Every time before we leave the house I play a game where I try to guess what she’s going to need while we’re out and I grab it (e.g. warm hat, an extra set of gloves, a small snack, inhaler, battery pack for phone, etc.)
Sometimes I like to slip it into her bag or purse without her noticing, other times I reveal that I had it all along in a critical moment.
If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it.
Doesn’t matter if it’s something like a package of Oreos — if my dad has to bend over to find it, he’s never going to find it.
I’ve tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works. He’d be mad if he knew how many snacks we’d hidden from him simply because he doesn’t bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet.
My wife once did the joke:
Why did the Chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot’s house. Knock knock. Who’s there? The Chicken.
Over text with me. I “fell for it” because I knew it would make her happy.
She loves talking about how she “got me” and it makes her so happy I can’t bring myself to tell her I was the one who told her the joke in the first place.
How much her apartment cleaning service costs.
My best friend growing up, practically my brother, owns a cleaning service. So I get the “owners’ rate” — they clean my house for $60/visit, which is insanely cheap here.
When I first met my girlfriend, at some point in conversation it came up that I use a cleaning service, and she joked, “Oh, big shot pays other people to clean his house,” so I told her how, fortunately for me, it’s not really a big expense.
Fast forward a month or so, and she spent like a whole Friday night and Saturday cleaning. We both work a ton during the week so I was like, “I’ll pay for your cleaning service so we have more time to spend together on weekends.”
She wouldn’t let me pay for it but asked me to sign her up with my friend’s service, and she just gives me the $60 (or pays for some common expense in that range). Thing is, I couldn’t get the owners’ rate for her, so it’s really like $150/visit.
She loves having a cleaning service and appreciates having more free time — but she wouldn’t pay $150 for it. I don’t really care about the money, just want her to be happy, so I don’t tell her what it costs.
I always watch ahead in Game of Thrones.
They talk during each episode, and I can tolerate it better if I’ve already seen the episode.
My ex-girlfriend had a few too many shots of tequila in a party and passed out on the couch.
When I went to check her, I noticed she peed all over the couch. To avoid embarrassments, I filled up a bucket with water and threw it over her to disguise it as a prank (I’m that kind of boyfriend).
She still has no idea.
Nice and fiscally responsible!
My girlfriend moved in with me a few months ago and wanted to split the monthly bills.
I was already covering all of it so I was OK just continuing that way but she was insistent.
She’s also not making too much so instead of telling her the real amount, I told her a lower, but still believable amount to pay.
It isn’t much but I feel a little better knowing that she’s saving up a bit more every month than she would’ve otherwise.
40% of my company was laid off systematically over a 2-year period.
I built up my resume, networked and made sure I had a place to land if it hit the fan. I also worked my ass off at the job to make sure I was the one they kept if they did not go under.
Ended up staying with the company, getting a raise and a promotion, and was pretty instrumental in turning the company around.
She and the kids have no idea how close we were to losing my job and then subsequently our home. I still remember sobbing in the shower and giving myself a pep talk in the mirror many mornings and saying, “you can do it — just put all the fear out of your mind and be mentally tough.”
My exSO used to read me chapters from whatever book he was reading at the time.
It was usually me that initiated it, mostly because it felt so warm and intimate, but also because I knew he had dyslexia and dysgraphia as a child so it would give him a little boost of confidence.
But this also meant he was actually really terrible at reading stories. I’m talking pure monotone, it made any book extremely boring and I would cuddle up next to him so I could see it and read it in my head as he read.
But I liked to think the good outweighed the bad, and I never told him!
When I see bugs in the apartment I always tell my wife it was only one bug so she doesn’t get scared.
Then I kill the bugs.
My wife is deathly afraid of roaches.
She gets crazy goosebumps and pretty much is reduced to tears if she sees them. She’s from Texas and had to deal with scorpions so this is crazy to me.
It’s my job to dispatch the intruders via death by Swiffer mop.
She usually goes to the other room and I’ve had a few occasions where I missed the roach and I would grab some toilet paper and ball it up like it was inside and tell her that they are dead. I don’t have it in me to tell her that we have a D.B. Cooper roach hiding inside our house somewhere.
I feel really bad about how much money he spends on me (food, gifts, gas money) and he refuses to let me pay him back.
So, sometimes I slip $5 and $10 bills into his wallet, pockets, and dresser drawers for him to “find.”
If he gives me his card to go into stores to buy something I use mine instead and don’t tell him. He’d be really really sad if he found out because he loves taking care of me.
My wife is a huge animal lover…volunteered at local shelters and such before our kids were born.
One night years ago she was leaving work and outside the front door, she found a small bird, probably a sparrow, on the sidewalk. It didn’t run or fly away so she assumed it was hurt. She ran back inside, got a box, and searched online for a bird rescue and found one about 20 to 30 min away. She drove the bird there, dropped it off, and they took her information because they said they would send her a card as a thank you. This was at least 6 or 7 years ago and she still brings it up every so often and remembers that they “never sent that card”.
They did send the card thanking her for bringing the bird in for help. The card also said they euthanized the bird because it had broken bones in its wing, maybe from being hit by a car in the parking lot. I read it and crammed the card deep into the trash because I didn’t want her to get upset that the bird she tried so hard to help had to be euthanized.
My SO got me a beautiful necklace for our one year anniversary!
It says love in a hundred languages when you shine a light through it, he was so excited to give it to me and so pleased he’d gotten me such a good, romantic present…
The only problem was that my best friend had been given an identical necklace from her boyfriend on her birthday a week prior. He had no way of knowing and was so happy to get me such a unique gift that my friend and I just coordinate so we never wear them at the same time.
My current weight.
We are both dieting together and I tend to lose weight much faster than her. I don’t want to discourage her if I’ve lost 2x as much weight in the same amount of time.
He is terrified of bees/wasps.
They are all “bees” to him. Completely terrified. Just the word “bee” will get him to start nervously looking around. If he was driving the car and a bee got in the window, I’d be afraid for my safety because there is a solid chance he’d accidentally crash. He is very embarrassed about his fear though, he knows it’s irrational. He can’t seem to help it.
So I have developed a sixth sense about the presence of bees. If we’re outside and I see one buzzing around, I’ll make sure I either stand in his way so he can’t see it, or I’ll make an excuse for him to go inside. I’ve found wasp’s nests in and around our house, and I take them out while he’s at work and then never say a word about it. If a wasp comes around and he sees it, he’ll run away, but then I’ll hunt it down and kill it so when he comes back out, he can have the peace of mind of seeing its corpse (from a distance).
He doesn’t know that I’ve been on 24/7 bee patrol for him for the past three years. I’m afraid he’d feel humiliated if he knew, and maybe even get depressed about it. But I don’t mind. They’re just wasps.
Occasionally I hide bananas then make them reappear when they are brown just so she will make Banana bread.
“Look! You bought these bananas and no one ate them so they’re brown…I’m not about to waste these so why don’t you make some banana bread or something.”
This Xmas he got me a stuffed animal of my favorite Pokémon —which is really sweet!
Except I’ve had an exact copy of it on my shelf since before I met him. Now it just has a friend 🙂
My boyfriend loves to show me memes/funny posts that he thinks I would find really funny, but I spend more time online than he does, so I’ve usually seen them well before he shows me.
Every so often I pretend I haven’t yet seen a post just so he gets the satisfaction of being the first to show me.
A few years ago my wife lost her grandfather, was working a crappy job, and was developing some of the medical issues we’re currently dealing with.
One night I went out to start her car to warm it up before her shift, and found a parking ticket.
Pocketed it, paid it, and tossed it without her knowing. She didn’t need that on top of everything else.
Sometimes, I really like her singing.
But a lot of the time, she’s just straining way out of her range. It can almost sound like she is wailing or shouting. And it’s fine. I mean, I can’t really sing, so even her bad singing is probably better than mine. But it can be really annoying.
Sometimes, she’ll be playing guitar to accompany herself, and she’ll get so into the song she’s singing that she’ll start SLAMMING the strings. I don’t know how else to describe it. She plays really well generally, but when she’s excited, she hits the strings so hard they sound like they’re going to break. That weird clanging music accompanied by the high, LOUD, cracking singing is truly cacophonous.
I will never tell her. Not ever. She has so much fun doing it, I’ve decided that’s just worth more than my temporary annoyance. I couldn’t bear to let the wind out of her sails by telling her when she sounds irritating. It’d be a different story if she was performing at open mics or something, but she only plays to entertain herself.
How deeply I hate Big Bang Theory.
My husband is a MASSIVE fan of the show. From being purely ‘nerdy’ to a poor facsimile of ‘Friends’ he’s been following it from the start. Now with Young Sheldon he’s found another reason to cackle madly along to another terrible laugh track.
And I will sit beside him, madly cackling as well, because it just makes him so. Damn. Happy.
Sheldon can die in a dumpster fire. But I’ll burn with him before I tell my husband how badly the show sucks.
Feeling brave? Share this with your significant other (but prepared to be asked what secrets you’ve been keeping)!