The 40 Best ‘Seinfeld’ Quotes of All Time

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Seinfeld is perhaps the most classic sitcom of all time: a show about nothing that somehow became wildly popular. With a full 10 Emmys (plus 86 nominations), the show clearly has something going for it. If we were to guess, we’d say that its quotability is a significant factor.

After all, we’re still quoting the show and it’s 20+ years since it’s been on the air. That’s some serious staying power my friends. In honor of the high-quality quotes of Seinfeld, we’ve pulled 40 of our favorites (it was hard to narrow it down even that far). Let’s spend some time with Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and George. It’s time for some major nostalgia that will leave you yearning for a time when those episodes were dropping weekly.

You may even find yourself getting some brilliant life advice in the process. Or maybe you’ll just learn about nothing…after all that’s what the show is about, isn’t it?

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In fact some of Seinfeld’s most stand out moments were the kind of wisdom that only comes from utter stupidity. Kramer brilliance.

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As obvious as the…ahem…nose on my face.

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And so boring that it turned back around into funny again. Magic! Or maybe just George.

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Seinfeld dove deep into one of the most terrifying parts of dating: self-awareness. Please, no one inform me of how attractive I really am, I love my ignorant bliss.

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I can talk for DAYS about how undateable they are.

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Pro-tip: using a pick-up line about crop circles to a random woman in an elevator? Not the best method.

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Seinfeld gave us a truly revolutionary premise: all people are awful.

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One of us. One of us. But like…not really in a group or together because again, people are awful.

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And you know it’s pretty tough to get Elaine to zip those lips.

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Men are a particular kind of awful. See: manspreading.

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No apparently that’s what Elaine would call “diddling the maid” (so undignified).

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Even when people are nice they’re awful. Wrap your brain around that.

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Sometimes a metaphor takes on a life of its own, takes a trip to the store, and picks up a few smokes. This metaphor is one of those metaphors.

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Is anyone else getting some weird Snakes on a Plane vibes?

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SHEER INCOMPETENCE. I mean, among other reasons.

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I swear that if anyone asks me “how’s the weather” I will run straight out the door.

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But usually it’s just people.

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George is more about hating people from a distance.

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Remember that time he was convinced he had lupus?

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It’s to be a quitter. To quit.

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And listening to his own answering machine.

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He does have a luxurious side after all.

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Pigman, George, what’s the difference?

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This is about Jerry, right?

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You can’t fool us, you are definitely a pirate, and we will not rest until we hear you say “arrrr matey”.

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Like the time he tried to return a jacket “for spite”.

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If I could give the show a new tagline it would be “a show about food” instead of a show about nothing.

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Holy moly Batman, the possibilities for comedy are endless.

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Literally every time I eat soup, I simply imagine having it snatched from my very hands. Tragic.

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Some sort of…salty discharge.

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Fun fact: dingoes ate my baby was so popular that one band named themselves after it.

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FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US. I do spend most of my holidays wandering around yelling that at strangers.

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Don’t you just love gathering together during a frosty winter day, grabbing some gum, and just being together with your friends? Classic.

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It’s time for some KRAMER my friends.

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Look no further than Kramer. Such wit. Such candor.

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He somehow manages to give us words of wisdom. Meditate with me: serenity now.

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He’s got rules, he’s got serenity, he’s got that HAIR.

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If it means he gets to be…the assman for a few days.

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Uncle Leo’s dang eyebrows could basically be a character of their own, and that character would definitely have a “demeanor”.

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The “yada yada yada”: a phrase that will haunt George for the rest of his life.

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