The Absolutely Crazy Lies Kids Tell Each Other Will Make You Laugh Your Face Off

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I don’t know if you remember being a kid. Maybe you have kids, in which case you will probably understand. But kids lie. A lot. They make up crazy things that only other kids would believe because kids are stupid. Kids tell ridiculous stories and weave impossible tales that are so memorable but also so incredibly bogus.

Do you remember a lie a kid told you when you were little? When I was in kindergarten, my best friend told me she knew someone who knew someone who fell down one of those metal grates in New York City and died. Did I believe her? Heck yeah! Was it true? There is almost zero chance of that. And 25 years later, I am still haunted by the idea of falling down a metal grate. As an adult, it is usually fairly easy to tell when a kid is lying through their crooked teeth, but when you are a little kid, you aren’t smart enough to be skeptical.

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One Twitter user wanted to know the lies that people heard from kids when they were little.

And the internet delivered. Turns out a lot of people still remember these outrageous stories.

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Military suit

Ah yes, that old thing. The military has a habit of enlisting regular 8-year-olds to make them invincible warriors.

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Older

Either she had no idea how getting older works or she really was threatening this fellow kid’s life.

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Holes

This is some crazy gaslighting. He was literally holding the tape in his hands! I hope this kid didn’t grow up to be a sociopath.

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Metallica

“You mean he’s in Metallica?” “…No.” The next one is perfect.

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Tunnel to McDonald’s

When we were kids, the coolest thing you could be was British. And the second coolest thing would be if you had a tunnel to McDonald’s. This kid knew exactly what he was doing.

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*NSYNC’s autograph

Little known fact: That’s how *NSYNC used to sign all their autographs, so it’s probably definitely 100 percent real.

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Nintendo dad

This is impressive. You’d think a kid wouldn’t be able to be convinced that their own father worked at Nintendo when he didn’t. But again, kids are dumb.

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Ninja Turtle

If I was a kid and I heard this, I’d probably be like, “What?! No way!” and then secretly be really jealous. The pizza they always ate looked so good.

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Killed to death

I love this so much. I don’t know why you’d brag about living in a murder house, but this kid went all out. Some lies are just stupid enough to work…

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Square wheels

As I said, kids will believe anything. They probably didn’t even stop and consider how ineffectual square wheels would be.

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Pikachu

Obviously, kids are going to have questions if you claim to have a real Pikachu. This kid should have been prepared with answers.

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Uncle Jackie

That’s like, the one perk of being the only Asian kid in your whole grade. People believe you when you say your uncle is legendary actor and stuntman Jackie Chan.

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Decapitated by a shark

Yeah, but what’s more dramatic? Decapitation by a shark or a move to Milwaukee? I think I’ve made my point.

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Animatronic murders

It’s hilarious when lies build upon each other, and it’s extra hilarious when those lies are about people being mauled by animatronic gorillas. The next one is really out there…

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Babe Ruth

Why doesn’t anyone know the true story behind the murder of Babe Ruth? Obviously, it’s a government cover-up.

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9/11

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but it’s just so funny that this kid thought it was a brag to make up the fact that he saw everything happen from Philadelphia.

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$9,000

This is hilarious too because like $9,000? That’s not an insane amount of money to make up. It seems kind of reasonable.

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Cat eggs

I wonder how old they were when this lie was told because, by a certain age, you should be well aware that cats don’t lay eggs.

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Three hours

I don’t really understand how the eggs and beer supposedly made this happen, but it’s one of those lies that’s so specific you wonder if it’s true. These just keep getting better and better.

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Arm hickey

First of all, once you leave middle school, hickeys are…gross. Second of all, who wants a hickey on their arm?

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Middle finger

I am absolutely losing it at the image of a little running around the hallways, cheerfully giving people the finger and saying, “Aloha!” So so funny.

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Squirrel juice

This is one of those lies that this kid’s parents probably told them to get them to stop touching tree sap and getting the sticky stuff all over them.

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Snake bonk

This is 100 percent something that kid saw in a cartoon. Someone commented that it sounds like something out of The Jungle Book.

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Key to the City

This would happen all the time if it were true. The next few are just precious…

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The moon

Very bold to do this in front of the teacher. Also, it sounds about right that this liar eventually became the president. That seems to be how it goes.

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CIA

How would you ever know if this was true or not? Obviously, the ear plant is invisible, and the CIA would always deny, deny, deny. It’s the perfect lie.

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Jurassic Park

Did he think no one would watch Jurassic Park? Or did he think it was a documentary? Some kids are terrible at lying, but that doesn’t stop them from doing it all the time.

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Flying airplanes

Look, kid, maybe we would have believed you if you stuck to the realistic aspect of the lie. But you took it too far, man. Too far!

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Swiss Army murder

This clearly had an impact. I wonder where that Swiss Army murderer is now. Share this with someone who needs a good laugh!

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